There is no ‘one more time’. There’s no waiting until Monday. There’s no ‘after the holiday’. There is no ‘only on weekends’.
This booze thing. You put it down now. Leave it behind you. That’s enough playing with fire. I mean really, were you really waiting until it got worse before you quit? Like, if it isn’t already hard enough now, how will it be in a month, a year, ten more years like this.
You maybe don’t know how to do it. You don’t know what you need to learn. You’re not used to doing this life thing without anaesthetic.
And what are you anaesthetizing yourself from. What’s happening today, right now, that is in actual fact so crappy? (You went down the rabbit hole right there, didn’t you, of Let me tell you what’s crappy… my husband is … and my kid is … and my boss is …).
What’s happening today, right now, that is so crappy that adding booze to it would make it better. Nothing. There isn’t anything. There is no ‘better’ with alcohol. I’m bored, I think I’ll light my hair on fire. I’m stressed, I think I’ll drink a bottle and a half of wine; I’ll carry around a water bottle like I’ve been to the gym.
You want self-soothing. You want to be scooped up, hair brushed, powder applied. You want to have the bath run, the bubbles added, and the sheets changed. You want the floor to be crumbs-free, the litter box to be un-pooped, and the travelling husband to come home but not be irritating when he’s there.
It’s a fact that you’ve used alcohol to try to self-soothe. But booze is a mind-fuck, creating more problems.. There is no soothing in the blunt force of a black-out anaesthetic.
You don’t want to feel? I call bullshit. That’s not even true. Because you do want to feel joy. You want to feel proud of yourself. You want to wake up and feel pleased with how your day is going to unfold.
You want powder, and baths, and soothing? Remove the booze. No more Day 1s. You go forward from here. You learn what you need to learn to go forward.
Everyone who is longer-term sober has a last Day 1. You can have yours.
It’s about time.