from Case Study Michelle: “I can picture an entire blog post full of quotes and comments from folks who made their goal, decided to drink, and then regretted that decision. I would find that to be a great tool to have available when I reach some goal, or the thoughts to drink become exceptional loud. I don’t need to reinvent the wheel, if I can absorb/learn from others who have gone before me.”
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OK, so here’s your chance. Please leave a comment below IF you have done 100+ days sober, and then drank again. Tell us your story, what happened to you.
When you write your comment, you can fill in a screen name or an alias (not all blogs allow anonymous posting, but I do). Want to hear from you.
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hugs from me
Exit the booze elevator. It’s time now. This would be a good time now. www.artsober.com
I had a 120 days sober then went on a Zoom date during the pandemic with a man I’d known for a couple years, but who lived in a different state. I had three drinks. Nothing bad happened that night except I woke up with a hangover and was totally ashamed when my teenage daughter said, ‘You call yourself a feminist, and you drank for a MAN?’
It took me another six months to reclaim my sobriety, and it wasn’t a fun six months. Soooo not worth it.
[…] in the book she references another post, “drinking regret“, and that’s what really just pushed me over the edge. I’ve done this a zillion […]
I am on Day 2! Last March I had managed 112 days sober! I started drinking again on the 30th March – the day before I went on an all inclusive cruise!! I had every intention of stopping again when I got home! Unfortunately, it’s taken until now to get a hold of myself! During the 112 days my mother was ill and passed away and it didn’t enter my head to have a drink. I was in control and clear headed! I felt every emotion instead of trying to block it out, and am sure that helped immensley!
When I started drinking again, I can honestly say that I didn’t enjoy it and don’t really know why I carried on, apart from everyone else on the holiday was drinking!! I’m now ready to be a leader and not a follower! I’m definitely going to take it one day at a time, however, if I feel tempted, I’ll think forward to how I’ll feel afterwards! That should put everybody off!
Thank you Belle, for the book and the blog – you’ve helped me back on to the right track again! 👍😄
I saw this post at an interesting time.
I’m on Day 11, and this is my first attempt to truly see what being sober is like. I signed up for Belle’s 100 day challenge. I signed up knowing that the end of the 100 days is just before my 2 week trip to Greece with my younger sister. I imagined we’d be drinking in Greece. She doesn’t drink a lot, but maybe 2 drinks at dinner. I signed up imagining I would try 100 days, feel better, and then enjoy a few drinks on my vacation in Greece.
Seeing all these posts about how being tried again terrifies me. I like to think I’m ‘special’ and can enjoy some vacation drinks, and then come home and go back to being sober or moderate. Because I just can’t fathom forever not drinking. And yet I see how much regret people have, and I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Right now, I’ll continue to get to Day 100. And not think about it all at once.
I am on day 1113 and was not looking back until about a month ago. I really miss just numbing out and I fear a relapse. I don’t even kid myself to think “oh I can drink one” or “it’s a special occasion”. I know I would be drinking just to be drunk and the thing stopping me at this point is that the awareness of my alcoholism would just take all the fun out of it anyway. So I have been sitting and stewing on that. Thank you everyone for sharing and god bless belle and all of you for the emails and comments.
I totally agree Gray. I didn’t drink for 204 days, and then I had one drink, which I didn’t enjoy, either the taste or the sensation. So I decided to get back to sobriety, managed 25 days, had one drink, didn’t like it. Started again, this time 12 days and then one drink. You see where this is going? What frightened me is that after the last time I had huge cravings the next day and wolfie was telling me I’d messed up anyway so I might as well drink a bit more. That’s when I put the breaks on and realised I needed to bring in more tools, more reinforcement. I’m back on 19 days now and I’m not fucking with my sober momentum this time!
74 Days today. I had gotten to the point of only remembering going to bed 5 nights a month. Yet still managed to hold a full time job and full time single mom. I drank myself to the point the taste was not even good. I miss the affect it had on my mentally, the way it made me feel…..or should I say not feel. I have no Physical desires for a drink by the mental physiological cravings are hourly.
Little late to this thread. My first failed quit was in 2012. After 138 days, I fooled myself into thinking I could drink now and then for a special occasion or vacations. What a slippery slope. I was back to my old drinking ways in no time, horrible hangovers, blacking out, needing a drink daily just to calm my nerves and feel normal. It was such an awful way to live that the I’ve never been tempted to drink again.
My life is so amazing without alcohol that it’s not worth my time or consideration. Most of it lies in realizing the value of your life on its own, appreciating the small things and finding happiness within yourself. If you fool yourself into believing you can find joy in a bottle (of poison, no less) you are buying fool’s gold.
Thank you Sharon, it is nice to still get these reminders in my inbox. I’m just over 140 days now, and sometimes it seems like a few times wouldn’t hurt. But what’s funny is I don’t even kid my self thinking I’ll just have one. I mean a few times getting really drunk wouldn’t hurt. But how quickly that would turn into everyday again, I forget. That waking up with the horrible sensation of: what did I do last night? And telling myself today will be the day I stop, only to make it till 10am. We forget. Almost how our minds foget the pain of labor, and all the hard work of a newborn.
How true. Why do we get amnesia about the pain of drinking when our minds are actually healing and getting clearer without the poison of alcohol?
This is such a very valuable post and thread.. I am presently focused on reaching Day 50 then 100, (day 36) but its clear the pattern is similar- its ok for awhile and then not. It’s just a matter of time before the addiction fully wakes up and takes over again, stronger than ever. It’s just never over.. Best to keep looking forward and accepting the truth..
Thank you for this everyone. I’m in early days of sobriety but already thinking of how I will handle day 100. Wolfie goes to sleep, but never dies. Lots of these posts say ” I started again for no good reason” Will we always need to keep our guard up?
Thank you all for sharing your wisdom, your journey, your struggles, and your insights. I’m on day 41. I’m starting to think wolfie is disguised as my husband (or vice versa). He’s been sober for 4 years, but HE’S the one that keeps telling me I CAN MODERATE!!! Like so many others said, I like the freedom of NOT drinking rather than “drinking by the numbers”. The first time I drank (after 10 years AF), I thought “I wonder if I should pick up a 6-pack on the way back to the hotel…” I DON’T WANT TO DRINK but so many people around me are teaming up with wolfie and his “moderation” message it’s discouraging.
Gosh Karen, that’s rough. He probably has good intentions in saying that–maybe sees you as having more control than him and admires that or something–but ultimately it is up to you what you want to do. Supporting your partner means encouraging them on the (healthy) path *they* have chosen, not the path you want them to choose. I would have a gentle conversation with him to try to understand better where he’s coming from, and then to express your need to feel supported in your journey, your feelings of aloneness and not being heard, and your request that he support you in staying sober rather than encouraging you to do otherwise.
Ultimately what anyone else thinks of you or thinks you should do is irrelevant, and says more about them than you. It’s your life and your choice, always. Good luck and stay strong!
I was in rehab for nearly 8 months, relapsed THE DAY I got out. I convinced myself that I could have just a little and that no one would know. Except that by that night I felt so shitty and guilty that I told everyone anyway. I’ve drank a handful of times sense always ending with me feeling like a complete asshole. So I started again. Tomorrow will be 30 days.
NH? I’m on day 111 -Erin/Teresa
each day I check back to this post there are more and more comments. Thank you ALL for your wisdom. I am currently on day 20, the furthest I’ve ever made it after a year plus of stops and starts. I will take this information to heart.
Hi soberinny…just like you, I come back to this one to read new posts and re-read the older ones…tomorrow is day 100 for me and I want to combat the “let’s celebrate sobriety with a drink” thought by focusing on these comments…thanks to all for taking the time to post!
Day 100 shows real persistence and patience. Well done and keep going to reach the even better days ahead. DR
I am so glad I read these comments. I’m ashamed to say I got complacent on Day 50. It was easier than I thought to get half way. I will admit that I fucked with my sobriety momentum and I regret it badly. I didn’t even enjoy the drinks I had. Am starting again. Moderation doesn’t work for me. I was quite stressed at the time and Wolfie got me. I had also stopped checking in due to family commitments – it is VITAL to take the support offered here. Messed up my journey big time by easing off on reading Belle’s site/messages. Day 1 sucks second time around. I’m miserable about it and deeply remorseful. And ashamed of myself.
I got through 100 days last year and then drank again. I had a relative visiting, and I thought she would enjoy the local wineries. I used to enjoy them myself, quite a bit. Well, I found that I didn’t really appreciate the wine that much anymore, to judge its taste and quality, etc. – I was just drinking it to get drunk. I’m sad that I lost that appreciation, but it’s so much better to be sober! There are other things to appreciate in life, other hobbies, other things to drink. I tried to moderate for a few months, thinking, I did 100 days and now I’ve changed. I can drink normally. Ha! Didn’t work. And after I started drinking again, I felt lonely and adrift. I really missed being part of this sober community! That surprised me. I didn’t expect to identify with something so strongly. But now I’m back and I feel like I’m finally where I belong. I sleep better, I have more energy, I’m happier and nicer to people, and I’m getting shit done. This is the person I used to be, before I started drinking. If you’re sober, keep going! It’s worth it. (I’m on day 33 today)
I made it to 169 days and jumped into some vino a week ago. If I had to attribute it to anything it would be a long week and feeling tired. Also the thought of forever was making me mad. I was being a brat.
So I had two nights of it, one medium and one a little heavier and now I’m back.
The thing is I really like sobriety. I like the genuine gratitude I have for my life. I like the creative juices that have started to flow again. I like waking up feeling refreshed. Both nights of my freak out I woke at 3 am.
During my 169 days I broke my arm and started a new job both a couple of good triggers to hit the vino but I didn’t want it. I guess I was happy!
I hear a lot of shame and self loathing here and I get it…..but don’t forget, if you take a wrong step you can come back. I know it’s a serious thing but a sense of humor helps me more than tea sometimes.
Peace
I’m on day two after thinking about giving up drinking for several years. The thing that has stopped me doing it before now is the fear of a ‘slip’ and the inevitable shame and self loathing that would follow. Fear of failure has always been a thing for me. But slowly the everyday feelings of shame, regret and disappointment in myself have overtaken the fear of trying and failing, and has made it worth doing. Thanks for your post.
need to be blunt with myself. since I found the 100-day-challenge to be ‘challenging’ it’s a good indicator that I can’t drink normally (whatever that is ;-))
i am now almost one year AF and will never (aka never) go back.
yes, there are definitely difficult moments, situations I really feel like i want (think i need) a drink but these are just moments. the rest of the time i feel sooooo much better about myself and the life am living.
it’s a world of difference.
do yourself a favour, stop doubting and keep going.
take care all.
I have had so many day ones it’s not funny. For 9 months in 2015 I didn’t drink, but then I thought if I really worked at it… October 17, 2015 was my last day one. I have taken alcohol off the table. I have spent a lifetime of taking care of others with the hope they would take care of me in turn. With the energy and time I spent moderating my every swallow of alcohol redirected into caring for myself, my life is so much better. I simply do not have the time to waste drinking now. I am too busy looking after my needs.
When temptation happens, I remind myself that approximately 3.5 billion of my fellow humans do not drink. I am part of that crowd. (And 100% of all the dogs and cats I know and love do not drink alcohol)
Yes so true – cats and dogs are so happy, smart, loving and lovable. And none of them drink! The mean nasty dirty parrot that stayed in my house for a few months last year LOVED wine though. Go figure ?. I’ll keep working toward catlike serenity and contentment ?.
Hugs,
SR
I’m not on day 1 yet. I’ve been trying to moderate and thought I could do it. So disappointed that I can’t. How long will I keep trying? It’s really helpful to read everyone’s posts to see that I am not alone. Boy have I been fooling myself. Ripley!
Hey Ripley, we all fool everyone, including ourselves. Keep trying. You’re not alone. DR
Thanks everyone for sharing. I am on day 26 and feeling really positive but so fearful of complacency setting in. I’ll ask keep this page bookmarked for my tool box. Keep going everyone, DB xxx
Yes I did a couple of 70+ day stints and then drank for a few days. I had a couple of drinks each time and knew that it wasn’t worth it because although I just wanted the fist drink, after that I wanted a bottle. I still want to drink at 500 days but keep feeling better in ways I never expected from continuous sobriety. So I don’t want to spend another two years to feel like I do now by drinking a single glass that won’t satisfy my thirst.
I am entering my third year of sobriety. During my journey I have learned that i am worth the investment of whatever it takes to keep my sober car moving. For me that means treating myself with the love, respect, and care I give others. I hope you realize how great you are without alcohol in your life. Wishing you all the best.
Hugs
Margy
I got sober in March 2011 and stayed stopped for until October 2013. Then I just took a big slug out of hubs’ wineglass (he kept at it the whole time I was not drinking and, yes, that is a challenge that doesn’t get a lot easier most of the time). Why did I succumb to that slug? I could come up with a whole list of circumstantial excuses, but really…what I didn’t do was think it through (what will another Day 1 and next days be like, do I really want to throw out 2.5+ years of sobriety, how hard will it be to stop again…stuff like that, nope, didn’t consider it). Sure enough, I drank again (the next day was a Saturday), and kept it ‘at the weekend’ and/or only 2 (large, ha) glasses if it was a weeknight, for a short time. But within a few weeks/months, a bottle of wine was an everyday thing again.
So it took over a year – until January 2015 – to stop again and stay stopped for more than 2 consecutive days. I stayed stopped for a little more than 2 months, and I gave in to huge overwhelm; I also wasn’t doing much besides just blogging for support. Again, it didn’t take long to get back to the bottle a day routine, more for ‘special occasions’ (Friday, bad day, holiday, any day that ends in ‘y’, you know…).
Yuck – the fatigue, the hangovers, the wasted time, the gray area memory issues, the horrible effect on my (vain me) looks, the bloat, the sweaty rocky bad sleep nights(every night…), my kids’ disappointment seeing me drinking again, and on and on. And of course, being intentionally sober for any meaningful period of time ruins your drinking, so that the whole time, you just know it’s gotta stop, but when?
I started again at the beginning of this year (Jan 2 – cliche, I know, but who doesn’t like the New Year for a fresh start). I made a solemn promise to myself to do the 100 days with Belle and commit to her ‘regime’ (not do it half-baked like I did last year). I am not super keen on going back to AA, but I am keeping an open mind to that if the 100 days get rocky or if I need more/different. This time, I am really trying to focus on what I can control in my life to avoid unnecessary overwhelm – Belle helped me identify some of the ways to approach that, and it’s helping. No is a complete sentence and can be a good way to get to me taking care of me first, which is a lot of what I think I need to do to maintain sobriety. I’m on day 25 and I’m happy about that – just a few days makes such a difference re sleep, overall attitude, energy, looks and then the momentum kind of carries me, but complacency is not good, so I’m trying to just keep one sober foot in front of the other. I don’t want any more Day 1s, though, because even though it only takes a few days to ‘re-start’ good sleep and all that, it takes a million hours and miserable days to start the Day 1.
Bottom line – I am a go big or go home girl, moderation is not in my DNA and what is best (and, really, EASIEST) for me is no booze, none. So I’m here. And if you are here, and you’ve got a few days or weeks or years together and you’re on the fence about letting it go because you ‘can’ start again the next day – don’t go there. The next day just sucks and Day 1 (whenever you get there) is worse x 10. Plus it’s frustrating to look back and say if I just hadn’t been so dumb/lazy/undisciplined, I’d be five years out now…that’s one of those things I can’t change and have to view as ‘part of the journey’ – but, still, it’s just wasted time in hindsight. I don’t want any more of that, thanks, and you probably don’t either.
Thanks for brilliant and inspirational post SR. So many thoughtful and helpful points made.
Thank you so very much to each of you for sharing your experiences! I will keep the link to this post in my Tool Box and refer to it anytime I start to think that some “alcohol research” would be a good idea. Thanks, Belle….guess this means I’m no longer lurking.
The longest I’ve quit was 25 days. Each time, I feel more and more like “I can handle one night of drinking” or “I can moderate because I’ve been sober for 20 days!”
This last time was the worst. I was sober for almost a month when I blew it and booked a cruise. We got the drink package because after 7 drinks in one day, it saves you money. But we didn’t think we would really use it except maybe we would indulge one day, or two. A drink can be 1 beer, 1 shot, or a mixed drink with 4 shots, or just a glass of wine.
We did well the first 2 days, if you count “well” as not drinking more than 7 drinks. But the last three, we tanked it. We tanked so hard, that I wanted to die I was so hung over the morning we had to leave the cruise ship.
Then, when we got home, I hit the wine hard every night until ultimately, I got up to 2.5 bottles of wine in one night. Yes, that’s 5 bottles shared between me and my husband. My lips were chapped, I had stomach issues, my face was flushed all day, my blood pressure spiked, and I had THE WORST anxiety I’ve ever felt in my life.
I’m on my path to sobriety again. I can’t stand living life being so out of control.
It will never get better, only worse if I don’t quit.
No matter how badly I feel like a drink, it’s NEVER as bad as how crappy I feel after I start drinking again, NEVER, bottom line. I’m back after several relapses on track with 74 days and I wouldn’t jeopardize that for ANYTHING.. I’m just plain terrified I’ll NEVER get back on track again. I can honestly say that is my greatest fear, hands down. NEVER underestimate the power of your sober momentum, it’s a gift from the universe to you. Bless.
I had just over 4 months sober and then decided I could drink just while I was on vacation in Hawaii. And I did drink there and stopped when I came home. Then I drank 3 weeks later. Then 2 weeks later. Then a week later. I drank and drive with my kids in the car and I drank and ruined Christmas. Now I have 31 days again…
Was never keen on counting days but did 90 odd then drank again….Wolfie voice …
Ahh but you don’t have a problem now you have done 2 months. That was 2014. Graduated to lurking online and finally signing up for 100 day pledge in July 2015, oh the relief… so much better to make a decision, no more tired about thinking about drinking. Audios, jumpstart, key ring etc. , helped this time around. Felt soooo easy and so much better with support.
Reached 100+ days with amazing milestones passes. Could never imagine a festival, dear friends’ wedding, clubbing, family celebration, work conference abroad, work stress, ill health and all that life had to offer without a glass in my hand.. BUT I did it all sober… Easy and wonderful right up until the point where I ignored the relapse signs. Right up till I decided that I was somehow different from all those lovely humans in the sober community and had to to experience the ‘moderation shit’ myself, believing I was an exception to the rule. Testing the idea that fuck it, I could not learn from others, but had to try it myself( god the ego is so big!) and no surprise…. Failed.
Back drinking,
Making empty promises to myself about
‘Moderation’
Fucking bullshit
Fucking Wolfie
Alcohol is sold on the idea of moderation – makes it our fault that we can’t ‘handle’ it… But it is a poison. we get more sympathy when it is an illegal drug we struggle with, hah.
You do not need to experience this yourself. Take it from us. Moderation does not work. Xxx
I had around 18 months. I relapsed because I basically got complacent. I stopped doing the things like sober treats, emailing, reading blogs etc. I got too comfortable in my sobriety and thought I was safe. There was too much distance from the horror of some of the situations I had been in through alcohol and I began to feel wistful about drinking again. So I tried and the world didn’t cave in straightaway. This made me think I’d somehow ‘cured’ myself and could drink like a normal again. How wrong I was. It crept up on me and it took six months until I plucked up the courage to email Belle again. I now have around a month sober again but I know how precarious my sobriety is. And how valuable – don’t get complacent. Don’t forget the horror of that day 1 or the desperation of that first reach out to Belle. And when you have sober momentum, for the love of God, DON’T FUCK WITH IT!
I’m so glad someone suggested doing this. I’m on Day 313 and have had “moments” when I’ve struggled on a Friday night to not give in to that shithead Wolfie. I’ve held strong and I guess, lucky for me, the last time I drank I was so violently ill the next day, I just remember how I felt and that stops it. I don’t suggest folks do that, but that’s what it took even after all the other bad episodes. Folks shared how the body reacted after days of being clean and we don’t listen to it. We aren’t told at a young age the trauma we put ourselves through when we drink. It’s all about fun! Escape! I agree with sound sleep, no guilt, no 3 am wake-ups of did I bring my purse home? What the hell did I say? Stay strong everyone and continue to honor your sobriety as it needs to be…Thanks Belle for keeping us all going.
Tree, you said, “when all else fails go to bed.” I’m so glad to know someone else feels that way too. I have drunk more tea in the last 23 days than in my entire life–and I’m talking a smorgasbord of savory, delicious, calming/soothing/bedtime Yogi teas, not the usual flavorless crap you find at the grocery store–and even so, I am SO SICK OF TEA. At least I’m well hydrated! 😀 But yeah, sometimes I just want to go to bed at 8pm to avoid dealing with another night of stuffing my face with anything but the beer or wine that I’m increasingly missing. :/ Posts like this are really helpful–they remind me of why I’m doing it.
Just finished my 3rd 100 day challenge, currently on day 134 heading toward 180. Each prior try I made it to around 120 days, and gave in on vacation. Fun festive times and socially accepted morning drinking. Vacation isn’t the problem, it’s the morning drinking I do back home alone in my kitchen. True depths of misery. Each time the drinking got way worse and I was exhibiting dangerous behavior. In my shame and desperate I wrote Belle and in her awesome way just said, Ok, get up. Try again. I’ll reset you. And somehow this 3rd try feels better. I don’t want to go back to the chaos. This is what I want. This feeling of good sleep, motivation, energy, and contentment. I’m not saying it’s easy but I feel more committed to caring for myself when temptation comes up. I use the tools. Go for a walk, write in my journal, drink some yummy tea, or have a delicious snack, or when all else fails go to bed. I’m currently on vacation and one week in I can say it’s much better not being in a battle. I will make it to 180 this time and further. Thanks Belle.
I am so hard-headed that I cannot stand failure. And setting this goal — then defeating myself, would be the ultimate failure,and I could not look myself in the eye. I would be living a lie, and nobody has time for that.
I’m on day 120, the longest I’ve been without alcohol for 28 years, though I’ve been a heavily dependant, heavy boozer for probably the past 15 years. I just know that I won’t be able to moderate so I plan to stay AF. I’ve read others write about the slippery slope which quickly leads back to previous levels of alcohol and more plus the self loathing and guilt are much, much worse than before.
I marked day 100 with a picture from the Internet of candles saying ‘100’ and went for a fabulous massage and facial. I bought myself a huge bunch of red tulips and felt proud beyond words. Then came the return to Earth and felt soooo flat for the following couple of weeks. Mood picked up again now and I am determined to live my precious life sober.
Good luck!
Yes! Exactly what everyone else has said. I did the 100 day challenge last year, and was so happy and proud of myself when I got there. Signed up for the 180 days and got to about day 170 or 175. I don’t remember now whether I decided I could moderate (I’m superwoman! Other peoples’ rules don’t apply to me!), or whether it was a “special occasion” or what the deal was. Of course it didn’t work, and INSIDIOUS is just the way I would describe my gradual return to drinking.
If I’d kept on, I’d have over a year of sobriety at this point. How I wish I were there. I’m back in my sober car, but it’s a lot harder to get it going this time.
I did 119 days. Then I had a “practice ” on Saturday night ready for the works Christmas drinks so I could join in a little.
I couldn’t stop being sick or leave the bedroom on Sunday. Couldn’t even keep water down. Monday at work I had to apologise to my boss for being so ill and dehydrated still that I was useless.
Haven’t had another since … For anyone who has studied motivational theory you will understand that I have definitely moved to pain outweighing the pleasure!
Don’t do it. Make 100 then set a new goal.
This appears to be the sad, inevitable truth:- You reach your goal, you feel great, you’re in control of this thing now, you have new powers but fully appreciate it is all about momentum, so you decide to keep it going – probably setting yourself a new mini-goal to reach. You roll on to that goal and it becomes easier – now you feel better than ever, convinced that a switch has been flicked in your brain and the re-wiring job has worked! So at some point – it could be after 100 days, 180 days or even years – you feel you CAN have a drink because not only have you now cracked it and will be able to stop easily, but also because the prospect of NEVER drinking again is just impossible to accept.
So you have a drink or two and stop. It was easy – it made you feel rubbish and you didn’t enjoy it anyway. A week or two go past and you don’t feel the urge to drink at all… ‘Cracked it! I must be stronger than all the others’ you think. ‘I’m back in control now and I will be able to drink but only on special occasions and leave it there’…
Before you know it every other week becomes every weekend, so you tell yourself it’s fine – you will only drink at weekends now, nowhere near as bad as you used to be…
Then you will find a good reason to have a midweek drink, feeling too tired to resist… and so it grows and grows, feeding off the negative thoughts that now seem to have crept back into your mind…
You get the idea.
The one word that I think really nails the nature of alcohol and a drink habit is ‘INSIDIOUS’. It really is insidious once you let it back in again.
One time I got to 105 days, I got complacent, I was ill and I was going on a date. The booze voice said ‘If you drink it will calm your nerves and you won’t feel sick anymore, you did 100 days like you said and now it’s enough.’ I went straight back to my old ways but worse and didn’t try to get sober again for three months. The next time I got to 147 days and I lost my job and I felt it was too stressful and I couldn’t cope without drinking. That was in May last year, and I kept trying to stop drinking right up to the end of the year, never getting past day 6, drinking wine every night and suffering terrible hangovers. Like Belle says, if you have sober momentum, DON’T FUCK WITH IT. It is no fun having to start over and over again. And if you’re anything like me you’ll end up drinking more than ever, and reinforce the ridiculous idea that you are simply a drinker and always will be and you have no choice in the matter. Which clearly is not true.
Franny I feel like I just read something I wrote myself. You put it perfectly. thanks. Maybe if was the capitalized FUCK but whatever it was, thanks. that helped
I did the 100 day challenge almost a year ago exactly. I got through all 100 days and was pretty proud of myself. I decided I didn’t need to do the next challenge. After all, my anniversary was coming up and quite honesty, the sober get-away my husband and I went on was dull, boring, blah. All of our “fun” times have always included alcohol – it was super great when it was just a buzz and helped to fuzzy things up, forget all our cares and just have a good time. So, we drank on our anniversary. I thought that would be it. I was in control…just the weekends, and of course, special occasions. Special occasions are once again every night. Two glasses again become two bottles. Back to panicking about what I posted on FB, who I texted, was I mean to my husband? Did we fight? Testing the waters in the morning hoping I wasn’t an idiot last night. Feeling sweaty and gross, not sleeping well. So, I keep thinking “this is it!!!!” Day one starts TODAY. Hasn’t happened yet. I am planning to do it again – the 100 day challenge. It’s still too big to think about doing this forever. BUT, I do believe if I can get in my little car, I won’t get out again. Even after reading over and over moderation doesn’t work. I didn’t think it applied to me. It does. I feel terrible about myself. Best wishes to all who have shared. I appreciate it and hope my story might help you in your decisions.
Hearing how easy it is to slip back to the old ways that become “normal” so quickly is very eye opening. After 100 days I don’t feel that different from when I was drinking, yes cravings are less, not as strong, but I forget, it’s not just the hang overs (because I get pretty used to those) it’s that waking up with oh god, did I drink last night? What did I do, hurt or yell at the kids again? Drive drunk to school functions? Do I still reek like alcohol in the morning? Yeah. Thank you for the reminder. We can find other ways to let loose and still have a good time. It takes good practice and thank you to all for the momentum. Good luck, you did it before you can do it again, then when you get to 100 days again you can reread your own words. Time is strange how you can’t picture your self as a grown up when your little and now here you are. You will get to the place you envision. Stay strong!
I did the 100 day challenge last year and was honestly just waiting until April 11. I had a pretty easy time with the 100 days so I convinced myself that the drinking problem assessment was overblown. I did say if I drank again that I would go back to the Challenge. It took me 10 days and I came back with more shame and more self loathing. Keep the momentum. Don’t kid yourself like I did.
I made it to my 100 days and was elated. I thought if I could handle over 100 days I would be able to handle just a couple of beers. It ended up being a stent of 3 weeks or so of drinking and moderating myself. No I never got drunk, no I didn’t black out like the many times before, but the worrying about drinking got to me. Having two drinks and feeling my face on fire, asking myself “am I acting like a fool??” “Maybe I should drink some water, maybe I need to be finished, oh my… my face is so hot” “what if I black out?!?” “Am I stress drinking or just enjoying myself” finally after about 300 other questions going thru my head, I knew enough was enough and it’s just not worth the stress of drinking anymore. I’ve created a lot of heartache for my family and myself and have no intention of creating more. To me it’s just easier to not drink than to moderate. Plus I once heard if you have to consciously moderate you shouldn’t be drinking, this makes plain sense to me.
I am on Day 236. I have a day counter app on my phone and every morning when I wake up I look at the new number. And I remember how sucky it was to wake up and check my phone to see who I had called or texted and didn’t remember. No more remorse, regret or hangovers. So, when I approach a certain day or time period, I treat it like any other sober day. And I am so very grateful. Sobriety suits me much better!
Day one again crippling Parnoia
Last year I made it to 133 days – over 4 months. I’m a musician, so, I dodged many offers of alcohol at gigs, at band practice and at several gatherings. Then, a dear friend of mine who I hadn’t seen for awhile announced he was coming to visit. This usually means us getting together with a couple other friends who I never see otherwise. A group who knows me as a drinker. So, what do I do…leave work early because it was a beautiful unseasonably warm Nov day, go to a fancy store and decide I “deserve” to have a good time. I blow money on my credit card (I am in huge debt and started making a budget plan while sober) buying wine and food I don’t need. Drink that night with friends, not even liking the wine I got. And so it goes. Bought another “better” bottle of wine for myself that week to “make-up” for the one that didn’t taste good. Continue to drink over the holidays. Buy random bottles to drink by myself that I end up pouring down the drain after two glasses out of guilt. Depression harder to fight with than before. Snappy and irritated at work. Not sleeping well again. Not getting anything done at home. Physical issues flare-up. I stopped again and don’t want to go back. Parents were alcoholics. I know the evil of it too well. It’s not worth thinking alcohol makes me a special person in some twisted way. It’s all bullshit. Back to day 32 today and busting through the same walls all over again. But it really is better this time. I feel much stronger.
Hi, Michelle. Hi, Belle.
Michelle. I think it is great that you are curious about this and willing to learn about what happens when a person goes back to drinking after the 100 Day Challenge.
I began drinking twice; each after many months of remaining sober. In summary:
I reached out to Belle in January of 2014. I was sober up until May. One day, I became overconfident and “assumed” I could walk into a place and have one or two beers, which ended up being many more.
I went back to my “old ways” for one week. I contacted Belle again. I felt ashamed, beyond measure. An understatement, really. I signed up for the 100 Day Challenge again. I made it up until December. On Christmas, everyone around me engaged in a toast and I had one sip of champagne and it immediately went to my head. Looking back, the one sip flipped a switch. I wanted more. That night, I stuck to that one sip. The next day, someone said something to me which upset me and I decided to ” F ” it and drink and drink and drink. This time, my ” slip ” lasted for one day – before I contacted Belle again. My last drink was in December of 2014. I recently passed my one year mark of not drinking. Sometimes, I want to. I really want to. While at this point: I know that if I choose that path, it is going to end up in a lot of shame, regret, self-loathing and it might even kill me. I can expound further, if needed. I am trying to not ramble, too much … all my best to you … bottom line: I am not drinking because my self-esteem is my priority, these days. I do not want to go back to those awful feelings of hating myself after lying to myself that I could ” handle ” it. LIES. I honestly do not know if I could live with myself if I break this streak which I seem to be on. You can do it. Keep reaching out.
GOOD JOB BELLE, this is very helpful and I’ll be printing out the comments for future reference. Regardless of sober car momentum, every sober person thinks about drinking usually when we least expect it. I appreciate the written word reminding me what I “get from drinking” …guilt, remorse, shame and self loathing.
Yes! Right on! Thank you, somehow it’s so easy to forget all those awful feelings that come with it. Good work on the sober path!
I’m on Day 23 and am wondering about this too. Please do share!
Hi Ashes! My first time posting, but I am on day 24 of giving up drinking. When I started, I had no idea there was Belle, Mrs D or the Bubble Hour. We have alot of great support here. My promise to myself was 40 days, but I would like to commit to the 100 day challenge. Best wishes!
Thanks very much in advance to those who share. I’m approaching my 100 day goal and have mixed feelings about what steps to take next.
Keep going it really is worth it, it might get harder before it feels better…. but it will feel better I promise x
Made just over 100 days by January 2015 and then drank again – for really no reason. I had signed up for the 180 day challenge but never made it. It’s been a struggle since then to get the sober car rolling again. I was able to put together 7 straight weeks in November and December, but am back to a lot of day 1’s since then. Once that sober car stops rolling, the uphills get bigger each time. Easier to “stay stopped” (that is, not drinking) than to “start stopping” again.
……………..I did the 100 days and that physical addiction was gone. It was so much easier to deal with just the idea when it was not an urge. After the 100 days the urge to drink was just gone.
…………………I made it to 165 then drank for no good reason. It tasted terrible. I felt terrible.
………………….Now I keep going 10 days, 7 days, 4 days. I can’t get my momentum back.
…………..It is really depressing. I’m hungover as I type this post.