the fun is short lived, and the fun isn’t even fun

from my inbox:

yaj (day 44): “I’m keeping the reality of my drinking at the very front of my mind – the fun is short lived and the fun isn’t even fun – it’s alcohol turning me into a person that doesn’t even exist! A person I hate and that wakes up in the early hours riddled with anxiety and regret and remorse. I (the real me) wants to have fun, I want to remember it all and I want to push past my need to use alcohol to feel comfortable and chatty. People can take me as they find me and that’s fine because it is the real me and I would rather be judged on that instead of the drunken, boring, impulsive and often argumentative person that alcohol turns me into.”

Ms_Red (day 178): “had a dream last night that I drank a beer. It was so weird. Initially, I was at the bar and said that I’ll just have water. Then later in the dream, I look down and I’m drinking a beer. I was devastated – the first thought I had was Oh no, I’m going to have to tell Belle to set me back to Day 1. Maybe I should just pretend it didn’t happen.  I felt so shameful and disappointed in myself. When I woke up, I was beyond relieved that I didn’t mess up. Thanks for helping me – even in my dreams. ha ha.”

Mila2.0 (day 181): “I just have to tell you, the whole disclaimer thing made me kind of mad. If I was slowly bleeding out from a wound and someone was kind enough to offer to put pressure on it so slow the bleeding, I wouldn’t assume they were a doctor.”

MJP (day 100): “It’s Day 100, feeling good. I went to a big extended family function yesterday, and previously I would suck back a number of glasses to make it through. Not yesterday. I had a way better time, and have zero regrets today. I am so happy to be part of your community of the emailed + supported, it really helps. I just know AA is not the place for me, but it’s good to know there are people out there. I liked listening to your No More U-Turns audio yesterday. Someone commented that I looked a lot younger and I feel it’s the not drinking plus the expanse of time and opportunity it gives me. So thank you again. xo”



I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • And to Wanda…right-on…what you described is very much the pervasive mentality throughout the U.S. … rush to ” Happy HOUR ” … run away, run away. Don’t face your life or your issues. I used to do it TOO. I am grateful that I found this blog or that ” it ” found me-or both?! … it feels good to be able to see past so many lies! I hope that I continue down this path of sobriety and that I do not give in to this sort of mentality. Take care, all.

    • Reading these posts are very inspirational. I too have realized that drinking is a waste of time and it really is a no win situation. I have taken many positve strides this year, but I have my moments from time to time where I go out to drink whether it is to socialize or have “fun”. In reality it isn’t fun. I remember going out to events and not having a drink and enjoying it. The problem with drinking is it takes so much away from life experiences. I don’t want to be defined by drinking and while I truly feel like I have changed within the past year or two I need to commit further. I can’t stand it anymore and I think little by little I am disliking it and not enjoying it anymore.

  • Fun drinking is supposed to be short-lived. That’s why they call it Happy ***Hour***. U.S. Here keep thinking drinking equals Happy Life-Long Lifestyle. We don’t comprehend the finite nature of Happy. We seek it as a permanent state.

    • Hello! … to Ms_Red and Cocomac…I have had a few dreams such as the ones you each have mentioned, also!
      And right, the dreams felt so REAL … it took several moments after waking up to realize that THAT reality did not take place, thankfully.
      This is my third time ’round with the Challenge…I am unsure what day I am ” on ” … I know I recently passed “240”, somewhere around there? ( Thank you, Belle)!
      Anyway. I am sober and so freakin’thankful that the dreams were merely dreams. Or perhaps NIGHTMARES? … is a more apt term. And, yes. I remember the overwhelming shame and disappoint in my own self – during the dreams – that ” oh, crap – I gotta ask Belle for a reset ” … I was so relieved to wake up and realize that I was still sober. ALRIGHT!
      Interesting how our psyches may be encouraging us to stay away from booze and even as we sleep. Belle, you join us in our dreams. I find it all pretty amusing?!

  • I had exactly the same dream as Ms_Red the other night (except it was wine) and that was my exact thought “Oh no, I’m going to have to tell Belle to set me back to Day 1. Maybe I should just pretend it didn’t happen” – weird or what? Thanks Belle, for being around, even in my dreams xxxx