support is there, and yet …

i knew i was going to quit drinking for a while before i did it. i experimented with a few things. but not very seriously. i’d take a few days off. i watched some tv shows about addiction (mostly to justify that i wasn’t that bad). i knew that AA existed but … i wasn’t that bad. i could quit drinking for a few days but then would restart, figuring … i wasn’t that bad.

there is support available, i just don't use it

so i was telling myself a story. support for being sober was out there, but i never took advantage of it.

you are reading a sober blog. you are either sober, or you think you might like to be sober some day.

and there is sober support in the world that you’re not taking advantage of. On my site there’s stuff (like one-minute messages, longer podcasts, the sober jumpstart class, calls).

and in the big wide world there’s sober support like meetings, and therapists, and medications, and places to go.

the stories we tell

we tell ourselves lies that keep us stuck.

we’re not sober and not happy about it – but don’t want more support.

(or we are sober but not happy about it – but don’t want more support.)

i know that most of this is the drinking voice in our head. but that voice really does invent some amazing shit.

if listening to a sober audio is like having a big hug, then what is the voice in our head SAYING that prevents us from getting more sober support?

in the comments below, tell me the story you hear in your head.


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I am on day 5, thanks to this blog and support of others. Interesting, I just wrote my list of top ten reasons not to drink – #1 is that I am an anti social drinker (I drink alone). Hence it is hard to come out of the closet/wine bar, and seek help. Airing the dirty laundry isn’t easy. Thanks Belle for making this real, and giving me hope!

  • Dear Belle,
    I think we need coaches!
    When I read about people who are sober and happy, then I want them to tell me, “You can do it, too!”
    Thank you for being a sober coach!!
    Paris (Wendy)

  • My voice creeps into my world at about 4pm or right after work and says, “Relax. Put your feet up. Have a drink. You deserve it. Just one.” And it is rarely just one! Or it arrives when I’m feeling down and don’t want to confront something in my life and it says, “Fuck it! Have a drink. Forget about it.”

    That voice is a lil-prick!


  • Belle,

    For me it is clearly pride, that deadliest sin. Pride has stood in the way of me reaching my hand out to ask for help on many an occasion.

    The story goes something like this, in this order. It begins with the thought that I should be stronger and should be able to help myself, which then morphs into the thought that I don’t want to appear weak to others. Then it moves to the thought that I don’t want to bother others with my problems, so I would rather just wallow in my own misery, which I somehow translate into an act of courage and strength. Wow! That is some stinkin’ thinkin’.



  • My voice says, “Why can’t you be one of those people that has 1 or 2 small glasses of wine and are satisfied!?!?” I wish I knew. I’m on day 17 of sober.

  • My voice says ‘you should be able to do this on your own, don’t rely on others, you know all this stuff, just get on with it.’ It tells me that no one wants to hear about me,, so many people worse off than me, what do I have to complain about or need support for? What makes me so special?

  • I have a voice that pops up when I am stressed by people…..not events but people overwhelm me. It is strong and quick, and has impeccable timing for my weakest moment… and hits me when I am not in a place to get support… late night driving home from work past old haunts, at a friends house that is full of liquor etc and it tells me that AT THAT MOMENT it’s what would make me feel “better”. It’s a quick fix to a racing head. It’s an “easy” salve to a million thoughts I can’t put my finger on exactly…. It’s hard to battle. I’ve spent so much of my life burying mental pain and it’s so ingrained in me to never ever ever admit that I am not strong. I have gutted it out with this sites help…..mostly lurking and not reaching for 48 days. That’s 38 days more than any other time in the last 25 years…..but I KNOW I need to reach out for more support. Lurking around the edges has been enough though so far 😉

  • -It’ll be too hard to get and stay sober so don’t even bother.
    -There’s no instant gratification as a result and then after you’ve got some time under your belt you’re bored and boring.
    -You can drink normally this time, promise
    -There’s not enough time to reach out and commit to something new, you’re fine just the way you are.
    -What will others think?

    You get one of these thoughts out of your way and here comes Wolfie with another!

    • it’s so interesting how wolfie tells us there’s not enough time to get help… and what will others think if you’re happy and just don’t happen to drink … really wolfie is such a bastard liar.

      • Yeah he is, and it’s not like a ton of our time wasn’t spent doing the very thing that makes us sick.

        Doing nothing but sitting and drinking. What a waste.

  • I hear a dark voice that around every 30 days of sobriety says DRINK. “No one loves you, you are overwhelmed, you’re broken, and you will never beat this.” Hard to battle everyday