weekend audio: oh look, you’ve evolved

I have a sober podcast subscription thing with one to two new audios a week for subscribers. And i’ve just recorded episode #100 for the podcast (holy good god). Unbelievable really.

and since I often send out an audio with a discount on the weekends, and this weekend I’m mostly offline and not sitting here to distribute audios manually, I thought – you know what? i’ll put up Episode #100 for everyone to hear. This will be the newest podcast for my audio podcast subscription once i’m back online for real.

This audio will be available for 48 hrs till Tuesday June 16th @ 9 am EST

[ this link has been removed ]

Podcast episode #100 is available on the archives page here.


Thanks to all subscribers, past and present, for supporting this adventure. One hundred audios? Didn’t plan this!

Hope you enjoy today’s audio.

Can you please leave a comment below once you’ve listened? Anonymous comments are totally fine. Hugs from me.


Comment from Cricket (who i mention in this audio):

“Thank you so much for the personalized podcast. I just needed some extra strength and support … it’s everything I needed me more [and SO inexpensive.] What a gift to me! Thank you Belle! I figured that if I relapse, I’d be spending way more than this, so why wouldn’t I pay that small amount for some strength, encouragement and a little help from a friend? Like you said, I’m not the same person I was.  I’ve evolved.  I’m making it through.  I went back to “the scene of the crime” and I’m sober!  I couldn’t have done it without you.  Thanks for the podcast. It made me cry a little.  Good tears!  … You are literally a life saver! Not to mention a marriage saver, career saver, a sanity saver, a joy restorer, a self esteem booster, a relationship restorer and plain and simply The Woman That Saved My Life!!!  I hope that the blessings you’ve given to me are multiplied back to you ten times over!!!  Thank you! Cricket”



I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • So helpfull Belle…A lot of reflexions about life and changes that happen even if we’re not aware of them. Thanks!

  • thanks Belle, i enjoyed listening to this very much and it confirmed some thoughts i had over the weekend and actually said to a friend…(“i would love to have a glass of wine, but…one is not enough and … i don’t want to go back to where i was… i can not go back now” or something like that)

  • Wonderful audio! A great reminder that I am changing, even if it sometimes doesn’t feel that way! Love the analogy of the grass. Makes so much sense. Thanks Belle!

  • Thank you for this audio Belle. I am 180 and a few days sober and this audio is so timely as many of yours at the weekend are. I have chosen not to go out to functions for that fear of relapse. It’s a weird mix of sad I will never drink again but really scared of relapse and having to go through all those early days again and having my health deteriorate. It’s not until you look back do you see who far you have come and evolved. Until listening to this today I thought my growth had slowed down, but your audio gives me the confidence that it is still evolving, I am just not so aware of it.
    Thank you Belle and lots of hugs.

    • “Wolfie wants to tell us that we don’t need to email her, we don’t need to tell her our worries, you’re already at 300 days, please don’t bother her…”
      BAM! Exactly! Did you pull this from my thoughts? At 500 + days these are my thoughts – someone needs help more than I do – when in fact I still need help. Thank you, Belle. I totally NEEDED to hear that. Be warned! I will be “bothering” you. 😉

  • Namaste: This podcast captured what it is for me. It is YOUTH. When we’re growing up, we can’t drink to deal with our problems. So we deal with them. And sometimes it’s really hard. And when things aren’t bad, we feel the good things — going to play by the lake, writing in a journal, using our imagination, running around with our friends, learning… So that’s what alcohol takes away from us: the awesome limitless opportunities that our youth gave to us. But we can actually get that back if we want. How cool.

    Loved your story about the flag at the cottage. Thank you for sharing that. Also really appreciated that “fear of regret” is normal and enough. I have questioned that. Thanks for bringing it up.

    Happy Sunday,

    • I’m 218 days sober and I thank g-d each and every day that I found you one morning, after googling “reasons to stop drinking”… I found your blog. I signed up for your sober jumpstart classes. And I’m here. Now. And this was great to hear- I’ve gotten nervous several times that I’d slip and have a glass of wine… as if! I *never* had 1 glass- more like 1 bottle… I love being sober. I do so many wonderful things now. I’m evolving, taking classes at night!! (which wouldn’t have happened in the past as I would have been home, drinking! ugh! Never again!) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’re a gift. And I still listen to your podcasts whenever I feel the need. <3

  • Thanks for the audio Belle. Just what I needed on this Sunday when I’m feeling cravings again. I do not want that morning after feeling again, so I chose not to drink tonight to avoid the pain in the morning.

  • Thank you Belle, I needed to hear this message tonight ( my new day 1). I relapsed and it really wasn’t worth it, I felt bad again after 15 days of feeling good. But the pain is worse than the pleasure bathe guilt of relapse, the sick feeling in the morning, the waking up at 3am and not being able to go back to sleep is so much worse than the good nights of sleep I started to have. I have to remember the pain next time Wolfie calls out.

  • What a gift. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I want my sobriety to stick this time. I have relapsed so many times, and today your words really made the difference for me. I am sober another day, and for that I am very grateful. No regrets:)

  • Great audio! I also have grandma & cottage memories. 🙂 Thanks for your continuing sober support. I’m 493 days in and still evolving! xoxo

  • I am only 73 days sober. I take enjoy my evenings so much more now. Cooking for my family and not embarrassed by what I said and did the night before.
    I notice the evolution too bad it took me 30 years. I now appreciate the small things in life like green grass and the birds chirping in the morning. One of my greatest pleasures these days is watching a hummingbird visit everyday.

  • Today I am at 355 days. Just 10 more before I hit a year! I made an appointment with a sober friend to meet for lunch that day: I need to celebrate, but appropriately. I confess I am a little worried that once I pass The Landmark of One Full Year I will let my guard down. I can’t bear the idea of going back to zero. So, now I have my eyes on 500 days. If I keep putting a goal out there I feel like it will help me…and that 500 day goal will buy me 4 more months to collect more strength. After that, I will be half way to 1000 days.

    No matter what day you are on, know that you are not alone. When I felt weak in the beginning, I went to bed (I drank a lot of sleepy-time tea in those days). And I never, ever got up the next morning thinking “I shoulda drank last night.” Bless you.

  • Good stuff here. A great reminder to me that I am evolving indeed. And Wolfie does try to down play the good growth and tell me it is not happening fast enough. And why not just say fuck it all and drink again. No I tell Wolfie. Indeed the small, seemingly tiny bits of growth and evolution are BIG as they add up.

    I now rarely have a night of poor sleep.
    I’m painting every day – before sobriety I was just talking about painting.
    I’m having good conversations with my husband and owning my part of our challenges. Maybe I still want to blame him for more of the problem, but that is changing. I can face myself and I am becoming my better self daily. And I’m not yet my best self, but I’m getting there.

  • Dear Belle, Great audio! I really like the idea that sobriety is marinating and making subtle changes inside me even though I may not be aware of it.

  • But but but, I haven’t evolved enough! I’ve evolved, but not enough.

    That’s what keeps popping into my head. This audio is a timely reminder, Belle. I am like a lovely flower. A peony, I think. Before I know it, I’ll be a giant fluffy ball of pink petals.

    Here’s something I’ve found helpful: My life isn’t suddenly perfect. But I feel better. And better, is better.

    Thank you, Belle!

  • Thanks for this audio Belle, as ever you have hit the nail on the head. Little by little, day by day, my evolution has been so subtle that it’s been like those old Polaroid photos that used to develop slowly whilst you watched. Thanks to your support, emails and blog, the colour has slowly seeped into my life….265 days in and I am NOT planning to go back to black and white anytime. Hugs Cxx

  • Yes, very helpful! I’m coming close to 300 days sober (which I attribute to you, thankyouverymuch) and I’ve gone through periods of thinking all this effort is so not worth it. But then I power through and when I emerge on the other side, I realize how much better I feel, how much more I’m getting done, and I just plain LIKE MYSELF so much better! Thanks for the podcast!

  • I’m at the lake this weekend. I wake up this morning & find your email with this tiny gift! :)..Having my GGS instead of coffee. Feeling tired but not hungover! Everytime I’m at the lake I remember times of over drinking, feeling hungover, sleeping in etc. Nice to enjoy our lovely home without alcohol. Thanks for sharing the love Belle! Happy Fun Day Sunday to you! xoxo me jp

  • So interesting about the motivation to avoid pain being stronger than the one to seek pleasure. And it was great to hear Belle’s actual voice for the first time!

  • Yes, It was helpful, Belle, I think the word is ‘subtle’ . Those are the changes we make. During the winter I went for around 55 days sober and I was sleeping all night and had more energy. I could keep to a good exercise routine. Now that I am back to drinking again all of that is gone. You are right, those small changes were actually huge! I just wanted more at the time.Now I am having to retrace my steps. So back at it again.