less. I’m experimenting with doing less.

{this was also sent out as a micro-email today; sorry for cross-posting but i wanted to collect comments here}

less. I’m experimenting with doing less.

as boozers, we are (continuously) drawn to doing too much. we overcompensate (me). we try too hard (me). we feel like imposters (me). we worry about being overwhelmed because it can be a trigger.

anytime i hear “this is all too hard” in my head, I know i’ve got trouble brewing. I’m pretty good now at reaching out for support when i start to hear that. So two weeks ago i emailed my coach (after a 2 year absence). and while i knew i wasn’t going to drink (i wasn’t having a sober crisis) i was having more of a ‘career’ crisis. and she’s my career coach mixed with money stuff and sober stuff.

one of the things she wants me to do is to start taking more time off. hahaha. so funny i forgot to laugh. catering can be any day or night or weekend. It can fall right in the middle of a planned vacation (then the vacation is moved). i don’t have a 9-5 job. it’s one of the joys (and the challenges) of being self-employed.

and yet. i keep saying things like “i need to learn this thing about getting enough sleep once and for all,” and i email people and say “take good care of you”… and i’m not taking my own advice very well. I mean, i know. we’re not perfect. but i’m feeling ready for an ‘evolve’ right now. doesn’t always happen. sometimes i’m in a rut and i’m happy to be there. apparently – now – i’m not.

one of the things i was reading this weekend in my coaching book was about push/pull. We can push ourselves to do all kinds of things. to work harder. to appear high functioning. to get up no matter what kind of nonsense we were up to the night before.  As my penpal Tim says, we boozers have a masochist streak a mile wide.

So i’m saying to my coach “i don’t have much time off. But blah blah money blah blah husband’s career.”

and she says something and then i remember push/pull.

here’s the idea (her suggestion combined with the reading i was doing): we REMOVE things from the table, we say NO to things. We create a vacuum. We stop pushing the truck uphill. and then we have freedom (and a bit of boredom) and then we start to move again on our own.

(we remove booze, we say no more drinking, we create a space, and we see what fills the space.)

so i cancelled a catering event this past weekend (too small) and this week i have no catering scheduled, just by accident, which never happens. I was in bed at 9:30 pm on Sun & Mon. That also never happens.

And with days ahead of me, no catering (no booze), not sure what to do next? I am busy.

Running, reading, lounging in the tub. And i’m busy doing stuff just because I WANT to. For example I recorded two audios back-to-back for the sober podcast series and I never do that. Usually i’m looking at my calendar trying to fit things in. Now i have space to fill. Does that even make sense? it’s nice to be drawn to doing things instead of pushing myself.

remove the booze, ladies and gentlemen, and shit changes. holy.

and on a positive note, my micro-email from yesterday was originally written in April 2014. A year later, things are much better. we have a small bit of money in the bank, my husband’s career is much more stable (after a pretty rocky year). and i’m making some money from this sober thing which is allowing me to reduce my work on Job #1. Lots can change in a year. Can’t imagine what the next year will bring.

Note to self: speak to my coach more often. Work less. Experience more pull and less push. Take time off. Go to bed. Buy new sheets. And for god’s sake get a haircut.