… i stop taking my medication

with apologies for cross-posting, this originally went out as a micro-email, but i’m getting such great responses I wanted to share some of them here.

From my inbox, this is Trigirl:

Day 1:
“My husband and I are leaving for vacation tomorrow.  We are bringing bikes and running shoes to workout in the sunshine and get away from winter.  My biggest trigger is sitting around at home in the evening getting bored. I do much better when the routine is changed and we are about to do that.  It worked well last weekend when we were travelling.”

Day 2:
“Interestingly, I do many of the things on your list of helpful things to be sober already, but two of them I consciously slack on when I have chosen to drink: I stop journalling and I stop taking the prescribed meds. WTF???  It really is totally ridiculous when the brain fog lifts and you can see the big picture!”

me:  you stop taking prescribed meds 🙂 well that makes me smile and nod. oh I get it. it’s like “let’s dig a big fucking pit and just climb in it…” at least you know that that’s wolfie talking. that’s not you. the YOU wants to take care of you. the WOLF wants to run around and fuck things up … go YOU.

Trigirl: “So totally ridiculous isn’t it? As I was typing the words I just had to keep asking myself what would possess a sane person to do that? Go to counseling and the DR, make every effort to get healthy, then just set it aside?!?”

QUESTION: Do you have an experience with stopping doing the things that help you when your brain is planning to drink? What do you stop doing?


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Like feelingmywaybackintolife, I don’t ever plan to drink, either, but I know that before the cravings get real strong I always feel depressed and frustrated about whatever, just ordinary life-stuff, and really down on myself. My feelings of worth sink into the sewer. I stop posting and commenting on the Living Sober site that I’m part of.

  • Dear Belle,
    I think the only thing I noticed is that I stop talking back to Wolfie!
    I just take the thoughts or the voice as truth, without challenging them.
    Now, I ALWAYS talk back!

  • I absolutely stop blogging, stop reading sober blogs, and stop taking care of myself physically. I get a huge case of the fuck its, and then I drink.
    And then I hate myself.

  • I start procrastinating. Putting stuff off until there is a big overwhelming pile of stuff i “SHOULD” be doing, which makes me want to sink into the couch w. a big bottle of wine and the tv remote control. I should call my mother, iron my work shirts, wash the dog, figure out how to get husband and kid to clean up messy house w/o constant nagging, why can they not put their dishes in the dishwasher? or replace the toilet paper? Why do I have to do everything? Oh, I guess I start resenting other people too… Day 64 today tho, Soberlinda

  • Same. When I drink I completely block out any goal I may have had and drink because I feel like I should be able to. The next day I usually spend laying down in front of the tv playing on my phone and googling how to cure a hangover. I can remember a time when I would still be productive after drinking, but I think the last time I felt that was nearly six months ago. I am glad Belle has reserved a place for me in the 100 day challenge – I really need it. 🙂

  • When I drink, I stop reading, stop cooking nice recipes, stop being kind to the kids, stop listening to my husband, stop reading blogs, stop writing my blog and stop living. I crawl into a hole and feel sorry for myself. Only Day 4, but I am living a better life. Annie x

  • I have up to now not ‘planned’ on drinking but I did notice times where I would let go of caring and not take the time to actually get my feet warm e.g. and be thirsty or hungry but not do something about it. And there would be some berating going on. Thoughts that, when I ask them actually say: ‘You don’t deserve to be happy’. :-/

    I worked out that any thought, feeling or action that will now or in the (near) future cause me to drink comes from the addict within / from the darkness to which I do not want to return.

    I am happy that I quit! 🙂

  • Chipper: “I stop any plans…except watching TV and making stupid phone calls, texts, and posts that destroy my family and relationships … I don’t know what my future holds, but I will do everything in my power to never get to that point again.”

  • Namaste: “When my brain is planning to drink or wolfie has already taken over I…
    — stop cleaning
    — stop being patient
    — stop planning
    — stop working
    — stop going to bed on time
    — stop working out
    — stop reading

    I don’t actually stop taking my meds, but I do stop everything else that makes me feel healthy. And then I hate myself for it later. Not anymore wolfie. Not anymore. Day 52! Sober! Yeah baby! (Gonna go read in my clean living room now and then go to bed 😉 )”

  • Mel: “I do the same thing. And singing. And dancing. And eating right. And exercise and paying my bills. I dont dunction well on booze. I hate the shit.”

  • From AnnieO: “When I want to drink, I stop consciously making the link between my steadily improving life and my decision to quit. On most days, I wake up and think “wow, I feel good, my head doesn’t hurt, I don’t hate myself, I’m feeling a little thinner, my to do list isn’t overwhelming . . . and all those things are because I don’t drink any more.” On days when wolfie wants to be in charge, I think “yeah, all those good things . . . I have this figured out, I can probably have just one drink.” So for me, a key to staying stopped (day 58 today, yay!) is never to forget that quitting drinking is responsible for all the positive changes in my life. And that just one drink will start to mess those things up.”