what to do when family expects “christmas cheer”

from my inbox:

TheFun4 (day 397): “I am having my family over for lunch for the first time in like 10 years. I have done minimal entertaining since stopping thinking about drinking over a year ago (because of you 🙂 ). So, my whole family drinks and expects “Christmas Cheer” wherever they go. I on the other hand DO NOT WANT TO SERVE THEM. So, my husband is being a pain and making me think about dealing with this before Sunday.

Should I serve or not? This will be the first sober day together for all of us (assuming they show sober which is likely the case) in, well, forever.

Husband says they will expect it so I need to manage it…


from me: happy day 397 🙂 You don’t have to serve your guests. your husband can pour their drinks. or you can ask your sister/sister in law, friend, or mother to do the pouring. or there’s some 18/21 year old who’d love to be given the responsibility of topping up the adults drinks. You don’t have to pour. you can put the bottles on the table, ask someone to open them for you, and then walk away …

if you don’t want alcohol in the house at all, then you invite them for the lunch event and indicate that there’ll be a lovely selection of teas and homemade lemonade. don’t offer any alcohol, have none in the house, and if someone comes with beer /wine they can open it themselves and take it home with them when they’re done.

if people expect alcohol, they can go to a bar.

what you’ve done – this sober thing – it’s a big deal. I personally can have other people drinking around me, but lots of people cannot tolerate it at all. so if you feel even a little bit weird about it, then the answer is no. promise your husband some kind of favour (you can invent something!) but you should do what you feel comfortable with. there is no obligation to provide alcohol. there is no expectation that you do anything.

 hugs, me


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012