Used some tiny gift money to get myself some smell treats yesterday. Now i can’t stop sniffing my hair.
Unfortunately, though, I’ve fallen into the habit of receiving tiny gift money, I say ‘thanks”, and then I put the email into a folder called: “Donations Not Yet Spent.” Yes, sometimes I buy flowers, or fruit. But there are emails in this unspent folder dating back to January of this year…
It’s like I’m collecting the good will of the gifts, but not actually benefiting from them. It’s like I’m watching the balance go up, but am reluctant to spend it.
I’m the same way with furnishing this new (still empty) apartment. and it’s becoming distressing actually. Because I know what it is.
It’s an attitude of scarcity.
I have a thinking process where I feel that if i spend the gift money, then it’ll be gone, and then I will have an empty folder. Really? Is it better to see a folder of thanks than to benefit from the thanks? Is it better to collect instead of having experiences? That’s like watching your bank balance go up just for the fun of watching numbers, but for no actual gain or benefit or motive other than simply to watch the numbers…
And today i’ve just realized that I know this thing about scarcity already. And i know how to overcome it. I just recorded a Sober Rescue Audio about this idea of scarcity thinking. I was talking about it in the context of sober support … how we show up at the milkshake of sober support with only a straw, and we insist on taking tiny sips. We know that support is available to help us get/be/stay/enjoy being sober, and we don’t reach for it. Or we reach for it tiny little sips.
Instead, really, we should show up at the milkshake of support with a shovel. Take a bunch of support (i mean, it’s there for the taking). get ourselves solidly sober, and then ease up on the quantity of support later.
Here’s a clip from Rescue Audio #4:
And you know it makes sense to me when i say it in the context of sober support.
But when it comes to me looking at my paypal balance, I guess i still have some scarcity stuff going on.
I’ll keep thinking. i’m going to make a plan to spend the money in the folder. maybe i’ll buy the pink chair.
and i’m going to keep smelling my hair.