blue volvo station wagons

from my inbox:

me: I saw some ducks in the park yesterday and thought of you. i’m just saying …

mallards4us: “mallards are my spirit guides – I used to tell everyone about my good signs coming in the form of Mallards…..every time I needed a good sign, they would show up in the strangest places! Fly into my front yard as I opened the drapes, walk up to my deck of my second story apartment (no water around and I didn’t feed them), at the front of a grocery store – just everywhere. I would tell people “my ducks are back!” when I’d have a sighting. When I was drinking, I stopped paying attention. Stopped paying attention to everything. Thanks for seeing my ducks. Yay! That’s a good sign 🙂 xo”

~

about three years ago i was listening to a training audio for work. the guy said i want to have money in my life, and the instructor said do you want money or do you want the things that money will bring. The things, he says. What kind of things? He says he wants a nicer car. What kind of car, tell me about your car, what does it look like, what does it smell like? He describes his car, maybe it was a BMW or something fancy, leather interior, something that goes vroom-vroom.

She says, every time you see a black BMW on the street, you can take it as a sign that your money is coming. it’s coming for you. You keep working for it, keep facing forward. The car will come.

I listened to this audio (setting aside the whole ‘if you dream it, it will arrive’ skepticism), and i think me too, i’d like to have my 2-3 individual small businesses be able to support me so that I can be relaxed about our finances. And if the trainer asks me what kind of car I’d want, I’d say i want a blue volvo station wagon.

So i started looking for blue volvo station wagons. I live in a part of europe where there aren’t any. lots and lots of german cars, lots of imported Fords, lots of cheap french cars.

This story started 3 years ago, and we went back to North American for vacation in June (this is like 2 weeks before i was sober, which started july 1st). Near the apartment where we were staying, there was a blue volvo station wagon parked on the street. Look, I say to Mr. B., money is coming for me. Mr. B says: maybe money only comes for you if we’re here, living back home.

Fast forward 3 years. I forget about the blue volvos. I am sober.

Then about a month ago I remember the blue volvos.

And now i can’t stop seeing them. here. in this part of the world where they are rare.

this picture was taken on our beach vacation in september.

a few nights ago we were re-watching an episode from season 3 of Breaking Bad, and Gus drives a blue volvo station wagon. I mean, really, they’re everywhere.

i think these moments of magic are all around us all the time. little messages from the universe. And when we’re drinking we are closed off to them. Now that we’re clearer, we can really see what’s around us.

(if you see any blue volvo station wagons, you can send them my way. )

~

Addendum