i’m having a good stretch of life these days. sleeping well. surprisingly zen about moving in 13 days. no moving truck booked. nothing packed. current landlord says we can take our time and so we shall.
i also seem to have solved a problem that’s been plaguing me for … my whole life? i’m just over 2 years sober. i know you’re going to think i’m a slow learner. but I’ve finally figured out that if i do a bunch of the catering work in advance, then the day of the cooking is easier.
how many times have i gotten up early and just pounded my way through a long and difficult day.
how many times have i started a busy catering day, realized that i’m behind before i even begin, then realize that i’m out of fresh ginger and will have to dash out with things on the stove.
how many times have i decided part way through the shitty long catering day that i am NOT doing any catering any more, it’s just too hard.
when what i really needed was a plan, some accountability, some sleep, a treat. and a boost.
when drinking, how may times did i MAKE myself do things the hard way. just to prove that drinking wasn’t ‘really’ a problem. why did i think that pounding my way through things was the right way?
so stubborn about asking for help, so late to get support.
why did i leave everything to the last minute and then panic my way through life — maybe it was so that wolfie could say “see, life is stressful, you might as well drink.” why did i make it all so hard. doing it alone. not telling anyone. not sharing the contents of my head.
yesterday when my husband came home from work, i told him there was “a lot” to do. and he said the magic words “what can i do to help.” and so starting at 7 pm, even before we ate, he cleaned house, changed the bed, i chopped peppers and onions for today. he heated microwave dinners (yes, really, make it easy on yourself). he peeled carrots. I made pastry. I made cookie dough. I made cake batter. I premeasured all the ingredients in advance for 2 different kinds of bread.
we were done by 10 pm and went to bed relieved. i’m a girl who really sings when we’re working as a team (rather than him at work and me fretting that i have to do it all alone, or me working while he’s sleeping). he agreed it was a calm and productive night. I know the world does not revolve around my asshole, but i also know that making things harder than they need to be is something I specialize in. You?