OK so yesterday’s post got a huge amount of response. I was starting to post some of the comments that i received by email at the bottom of the post, but here are a few others:
NicCha (day 52): “I like the idea of just changing the behavior and not thinking about it. You would think sleeping in bushes once would be enough to make one say, *woah, enough is enough!* But nah, that just made me go, “well, I won’t drink like THAT again.” But there are infinite ways to screw up drinking, and each successive overthought formulation of ‘rules’ always wound around to the same predictable outcome of something I would rather not have happen happening. This time, the thinking stopped with a basic premise: *a goddamn 30-year-old man does NOT vomit in the morning. EVER. Period, full stop.* I saw entirely unacceptable behavior, a pattern of broken promises to the self that *it’ll be different this time*, and that the only 100% surefire way to prevent a 30+-year-old man from vomiting in the morning is to not drink. What it all means, as you rightly suggest, can be figured out later, and/or over time. But the offending behavior had to be ended.”
Amos (day 179): “Um, I think this is why Nike sez Just do it.”
CH: “Sure you have to change the behavior or nothing happens. But isn’t thinking and relating our thoughts the basis of the blogging community? Isn’t it the basis of growth? Why bother writing if it is just a matter of changing the behavior? We share our thinking as a means to support and sustain the change. Writing is thinking… I agree though, that you can’t reason your way through the big shifts. You gotta just do it.”
me: I think that we blog to think, yes, but it’s much more meaningful to blog out our ideas once we’ve quit drinking – rather than before 🙂 quit drinking first, figure shit out later.
Janett (the sober therapist) (day 115): “i definitely agree with you that we spend way too much time thinking about why we do things rather than just doing the thing we think we should do – i guess the things i would add to your discussion are the sequence of events – where the thinking is most helpful and when it is not. changing habits and creating new neuropathways in our brains requires action for sure. simply thinking about the root cause of our behaviors doesn’t change behavior. sure it provides insight and can be helpful for inquiry but it absolutely does not a change make. especially when you are talking about addiction – addiction wires our brains in ways that are hard to intercept with logic – so you have to start with action.”
me: I agree with you. action (sobriety) first; thinking is required but it comes second 🙂 I’m certainly not saying ‘no thinking’ … I’m saying, for myself anyway, stop trying to figure out why and just try it.
“Motivation is not the force that comes before the action…it is the action…” Robert L. Leahy
Sheena just described me! When drinking, I was just a “perfectionist that procrastinated on 95% of my ‘to do’s’ and was a borderline hoarder. I got nothing done! Now I’m in a ‘screw it I’m not waiting any more’ mode.”
Great post Belle! For now (day 64) I’ll just do it.
Sheena your post could have come right from me! When I drank all I did was think …how do I stop, what deals could I make with myself and on and on. After finding Belle & Rebecca I just did it! Now, like you, the sober me just does it! Super big HUGS to you both 🙂
Thank you Belle & Rebecca!! 100 days! I loved yesterday’s post. I never thought of it that way but I think that’s exactly what I did.
ok so I’ve been ‘thinking’ about all this since yesterdays post… now I’m sober I have noticed that while being a hung-over, perfectionist that procrastinated on 95% of my ‘to do’s’ and was a borderline hoarder. I got nothing done! Now I’m in a ‘screw it I’m not waiting any more’ mode. I wasted too much time already 🙂 Big hugs and appreciation to Belle for bringing clarity back into my life.
I agree – I can over think and overanalyze till the cows come home. Desire for perfection? Perfect understanding, perfect plan, perfect timing….only it was never the perfect moment. Until circumstances forced my hand. Now I push to do “something” instead of thinking too long. Think this step will work? Do it!