I’m no longer doing it alone

Things are changing with me, for the better. Some big changes with my husband’s career after nearly 3 years of us being a single-income family. It was an experiment in Mr. B being self-employed that has (FINALLY holy good god) started to move in the right direction.

Since we got the news on wednesday, i’ve been super relieved. That big weight of me being 100% responsible for our finances is now gone. what’s hilarious is that it’s not HOW MUCH money Mr. B will be earning that’s important. What matters is that i’m no longer doing it alone. The responsibility isn’t all mine.

This same thing happened to me when i was doing wedding catering last fall, and had a very overwhelming day. I had someone come in for a few hours to help me, and suddenly everything seemed possible. Not easy, not necessarily quick, but possible.

Me alone doing it all by myself (catering, finances, sobriety) is just too hard. It’s some kind of punishment. Add just one other person? Now it’s an event, it’s a project.

Cuz you know what it’s like in our heads, right? Me, alone in my head, it sounds like this: “this is too hard, this is too long, you suck at this, you’re never going to figure this out” … all those thoughts stop once someone else can share the work.

Your thoughts might be like this: “I don’t deserve help, I’m a burden to others, I can’t stay sober for more than 2 days, why do I keep doing this to myself.” And then once you reach out and begin to do some honest check-ins, and you get a bit of sober traction, shit changes!

And even a small amount of support means that we don’t have to do it alone. (You read sober blogs and realize you’re not alone. My husband begins finally to contribute in a meaningful way to our monthly income, i’m no longer alone pushing our financial truck uphill.)

So since we got this news on Wednesday, something has happened to me.  And yesterday, over breakfast, I tried to explain to Mr. B why i (suddenly) felt more optimistic.

“I feel like a weight has been lifted. I’m not doing this alone any more. I feel like I can have the brain space to cook for fun again.”

and you, get some sober momentum, get some support (more if you need it, as much as you need), get your sober car rolling downhill, make sure you don’t feel alone, and then have some sober passions flow back into your life in the space created.

shit-ola. this seems huge 🙂

And yes, I get it, it’s not super simple to be sober. I know. I know. But doing it alone? not necessary. slogging along pushing the truck uphill? hard to stay motivated. there is support out here. check the list of blogs linked on the right-hand side in my blogroll. There are lots of people doing what you’re doing. We are not alone at all.


Happy Day 50 to Husband #1!

Happy Day 50 to Kameko!

Happy Day 50 to M-Lobster!

Happy Day 50 to Lou!

Happy Day 50 to Kelso!

Happy Day 50 to RPD!

Happy Day 50 to Rachael!

Happy Day 50 to Shelby!

Happy Day 100 to Kane!

Happy Day 100 to Liesel!

Happy Day 100 to Nancysoberheart!

Happy Day 100 to Moon Alley!

Happy Day 100 to Parminder!

Happy Day 180 to Kimf!

Happy Day 180 to Jacques!

Happy Day 180 to Laurie Lynn!

Happy Day 180 to BetterThisWay!

Happy Day 180 to Rose!

Happy Day 188 to Sherri!

Happy Day 188 to Carole!

Happy Day 188 to KathrynClare!

Happy Day 189 to Kristen!

Happy Day 192 to Winkle!

Happy Day 200 to Fiona!

Happy Day 365 to ErinUp!


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Today is day 40 for me. I don’t think I could have done it without the sober blogs. Who knew they were out there! I had googled about quitting drinking many times and I never saw them before but when I did, I knew I could do it. I don’t worry about not drinking the rest of my life, I just won’t drink today. All we have is today. I think I’m an old soul. I used alcohol to try to fit in with people but as everyone knows, that only works for a while. So, I will go it alone with my camera, the blogs and my dogs. I expected my kids would notice but they didn’t so I mentioned it after 3 weeks. Go figure. Husband is a whole other problem. I literally have nothing to say to him anymore (well, I do but it is a waste of breath).

  • Thank you for these reminders and so happy for you! I have spent over a decade feeling like I’m doing it all alone, because mostly I was after my divorce, financially and taking care of the kids. Now, there are more moments I feel alone, because I have told nobody in my real life about my choices to end my drinking, and I’m literally alone when my kids are not around home. I’m slowly figuring out ways to push through these times without drinking. Proud of 29 days sober. (and if there are any other single moms out there trying to quit, I’d love to get connected). Thanks!

  • Wolfie loves to tell us “we are the ONLY ones sober” … sobriety thrives in the middle of the sober garden, surrounded by other sober flowers … and when the weeds of Wolfie pop into the garden, we pull ’em out. Surround yourself with other sober people, incorporate sobriety into your in front of everybody life and hang on, sobriety is a great ride.

  • I have been floating the finacial boat for 4 years now. Hubs stays home with kids. It’s the number one source of stress which caused me to numb with alcohol. Good for you!:-)

  • So happy for you!! Great reminder too, because it’s so easy to slip into those negative thoughts about doing this alone and that we suck…this first holiday weekend sober was hard for me. I was actually teetering on those negative thoughts this morning, and your email popped up and redirected me! Congrats again on your hubby’s new job development!

  • Good to read and thanks for the shout out, Belle! Wow – 50 days!! Thank you for your amazing support – couldn’t have done this without you xo