from my inbox:
LaureDann (day 11): “I am trying to see things more clearly. I am trying to figure out why I would go back to drinking when I know it’s been a problem for years. I am trying to change. I have a lot of things going in in my life right now. Some within my control, some without. I’m tired.
Sometimes it’s just shitty… And yet each day I wake up and try to choose to be happy and have a positive attitude. I haven’t had a drink … And frankly I don’t want one, until I want one or ten. I’m so sick of it …
How do I get my brain to say no to alcohol? I have to keep moving forward … My goal is health, always health. Thanks so much for checking in, because I generally forget to. I am so not used to asking for help. I’ve done everything for myself my whole life.”
me: The ‘thinking about why we drink’ is a loop of weirdness. there’s no good answer, except that booze is addictive, wolfie lies to us, and we ‘forget’ why we wanted to quit. I found that once I connected with other sober people (even just one!) then I realized it wasn’t just me, and that it gets better. which it does.
your feelings with problems of motivation and procrastination will also even out a bit over time. to begin, your primary focus is on being sober. every else is extra … if you try to do too much at once, it makes it easy for wolfie to say ‘fuck it, this is all too hard’… hugs from me
“I’m not used to asking for help. Ive done everything for myself my whole life…” I understand that feeling. Hang in there. This is the best thing you can do for you. I am rooting for you and for all of us.
Denise
I know that one,I’ve been piecing together 3 days here,5days here if I put so much pressure on myself my brain says screw it too.So today will be a AF day even if my arms amputated.
Day 43 today & I was so stuck in the loop of weirdness that it took me 4 starts to get it. It is all about the mind chatter that is Wolfie messing with your head. I would wake up in the morning determined to stay sober and by 8pm Wolfie was convincing me that I could handle just one….yeah right, there’s no such think as just one in my life. I stopped thinking about why and just focused on “fuck you wolfie” and there were times I just shouted it out loud and slowly the chatter started to subside. On occasion Wolfie still tries but it is now more of a whisper that is much easier to ignore. Please hang in there and beat the beast because sobriety is so awesome!
Day 10 for me and I’m stuck in the loop of weirdness too. good to know it’s normal and I’m not alone.
LaureDann,
I so know what you mean. I can’t wait for the day when I don’t think about it. Belle did say it gets better as the days go along. I don’t like to ask for help either, but Belle’s blog has been a lifesaver and we don’t have to feel alone . Good luck to you! I’m only on day 8 but I’m in it for the long run.
Sincerely,
Trimom