a loop of weirdness

from my inbox:

LaureDann (day 11): “I am trying to see things more clearly. I am trying to figure out why I would go back to drinking when I know it’s been a problem for years. I am trying to change. I have a lot of things going in in my life right now. Some within my control, some without. I’m tired.

Sometimes it’s just shitty… And yet each day I wake up and try to choose to be happy and have a positive attitude.  I haven’t had a drink … And frankly I don’t want one, until I want one or ten. I’m so sick of it …

How do I get my brain to say no to alcohol? I have to keep moving forward … My goal is health, always health. Thanks so much for checking in, because I generally forget to. I am so not used to asking for help. I’ve done everything for myself my whole life.”

me:  The ‘thinking about why we drink’ is a loop of weirdness. there’s no good answer, except that booze is addictive, wolfie lies to us, and we ‘forget’ why we wanted to quit.  I found that once I connected with other sober people (even just one!) then I realized it wasn’t just me, and that it gets better. which it does.

your feelings with problems of motivation and procrastination will also even out a bit over time. to begin, your primary focus is on being sober. every else is extra … if you try to do too much at once, it makes it easy for wolfie to say ‘fuck it, this is all too hard’… hugs from me


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • “I’m not used to asking for help. Ive done everything for myself my whole life…” I understand that feeling. Hang in there. This is the best thing you can do for you. I am rooting for you and for all of us.

  • I know that one,I’ve been piecing together 3 days here,5days here if I put so much pressure on myself my brain says screw it too.So today will be a AF day even if my arms amputated.

  • Day 43 today & I was so stuck in the loop of weirdness that it took me 4 starts to get it. It is all about the mind chatter that is Wolfie messing with your head. I would wake up in the morning determined to stay sober and by 8pm Wolfie was convincing me that I could handle just one….yeah right, there’s no such think as just one in my life. I stopped thinking about why and just focused on “fuck you wolfie” and there were times I just shouted it out loud and slowly the chatter started to subside. On occasion Wolfie still tries but it is now more of a whisper that is much easier to ignore. Please hang in there and beat the beast because sobriety is so awesome!

  • LaureDann,
    I so know what you mean. I can’t wait for the day when I don’t think about it. Belle did say it gets better as the days go along. I don’t like to ask for help either, but Belle’s blog has been a lifesaver and we don’t have to feel alone . Good luck to you! I’m only on day 8 but I’m in it for the long run.