From my inbox:
From Libby (day 157): “Finally got round to listening to the live call audio from Memorial Day. Very interesting. Until you articulated it, I hadn’t understood the notion that Wolfie says the same things to all of us — so it’s not us, it’s Wolfie. Obvious (now I can see it!), but brilliant. Such a helpful contrast from the disease model of addiction that says it’s the drinker that’s the problem, not the alcohol.
I haven’t wanted to drink, but have noticed myself thinking recently ‘so you have stopped doing something that made you feel bad? Big deal, get over it, stop making a fuss and looking for treats and praise’. Is that normal? Is it Wolfie? Thanks as ever x”
me: honestly I think any voice we hear that isn’t saying ‘take care of you’ is wolfie, sometimes in various disguises. you do need fuss and praise and treats. you do. really. a lot. day 157 for you today. your sober car is rolling. everything you’ve done up to now has worked, so keep on doing it 🙂 hugs.
[and she’s on day 163 today]
Your Wolfe is my Gremlin. It’s amazing how we are all so different, and yet all the same. This disease tears families and lives apart, but fighting our way out of it’s claws also unites us like warriors. We will win this war.
and we win the war with support. If left alone with our gremlins … they take over …we need someone to remind us that, in fact, the gremlin is full of shit!
Wolfie just made it all click for me. Like you Lurking I relish saying Fuck you Wolfie – it makes it so much better!!!
Wolfie is that omnipresent negative voice that some of us couldn’t ignore. I think that’s why some of us hit the bottle or drugs harder than “normal” people; we were trying to drown out that voice literally and then it became a bigger problem. Because we were abusing our medication of choice it made that stinking wolfie voice louder and we kept doing the same insanity over and over again with the same result; we felt like crap. Now whenever wolfie raises his voice I tell him to go fuck himself. He may not feel better but I certainly do.
When I first started reading sober blogs (about 30 days ago) I was amazed at how much the comments, stories, feelings and thoughts resonated with me. I kept finding my own experiences time and again. I really like this comment because I still hadn’t made the further connection that it is Wolfie saying the same thing to all of us. It helps me to view the big bad W as trying to blow my house down. He’s succeeded in the past but now I’m learning to build it out of bricks, ha.
I’ve wondered the same thing as Libby at times… I’ve been sober for two months (65 days). I acknowledge to myself that it’s a really big deal — to my own person, I feel proud and accomplished and incredibly freed by the idea that I never have to drink again. After ten years of abusing alcohol (I’m 30, by the way), I have shared my happiness with my parents and some close friends who also are really relieved and happy for me and actually get that it’s a big weight to lift off. A “big deal”, in the positive sense of accomplishment. Even so, I definitely have “flat” thoughts sometimes, with a negative/sarcastic line like “congratulations, you’ve joined the rest of the functioning human world at par, big pat on the back for doing what’s normal. Big whoop, you get to expend all this extra effort, for who knows how long, on something other people don’t even think about”. When I have these thoughts, it helps me to put into perspective that there are so many things in this world that people deal with and I don’t… for example, I remember that I never give cigarettes a passing thought and for some people trying to break a nicotine habit is very consuming. Or, I think about what it’s like for people seeing a family member through an escalating chronic illness or terminal illness, and how all-consuming it is for them during however long it runs. Etc, etc. It really gets my goat when people say, “We all have problems” as if it’s nothing. We definitely don’t all have the same magnitude of problems in our lives (on so many levels, from the micro circle of friends and acquaintances to the entire global race), and some people really do lead harder lives or lower quality of life than others. So, I’m not going with the “we all have problems” approach. What is helpful to me, though, is to check myself with some perspective that “yes, this is a big deal for me when it’s nonexistent for many other people and I still get to feel proud of what I’m doing and healthy and great”. If this is what I need to do to lead a productive, healthy life — benefiting me and the people around me — great! I feel lucky to be able to feel on “par”. It’s such a nicer starting point than “under par”. I’ll take it! 🙂 Thanks to Belle and everyone who posts. I don’t post often, but I do read the blog often. For those who are struggling today, keep going! For those on an easy breezy day, happy summer!
Soberin..chicago — Just wanted to say that this is a great post and a pleasure for me to read today b/c…Yes. Just Yes.
Keep up the positive vibes and just wanted to say that you touched a person of the entire global race today 🙂