Dear Universe, I know you hear me.

Holiday Monday for Canada/US. quiet in the email world. quiet on the blogs. It’s a day off from Job #1 for me. Phone won’t ring. and it’s  gloriously summery sunny day.

my uncle was in town, passing through from place to place, and had dinner with us last night. after all of his travels i figured he’d want a home-cooked meal, something ‘comforting’. Roast chicken, mashed potatoes, salad (with feta and bacon), and berry coffee cake with a double amount of streusel topping.

He drank 2 glasses of wine. Mr. B and I had none. And guess what? my uncle didn’t even ask why we weren’t drinking. nothing. not a raised eyebrow.

(now, this is a man who’s been like a surrogate father to me, as we lived a long time in the same city and were the only ‘family’ the other had locally. we used to drink a lot. he’s a generous big spender. booze and more booze.)

And … crickets. nothing. not a raised hair on his head, not a scratch of the chin. nothing. And part of me was … disappointed 🙂 It’s so funny but these days i’m waiting for someone key (like a family member) to ask what the fuck is up with me, so that i can spill. You know: “hey there’s a big sober blogging world, and i’ve been doing some classes, and i’ve gotten so much support and learned so much from so many people.”

But i’m happy for my continuing ‘sober’ privacy. I continue to guard this part of my life as ‘mine’, not something i have to explain or even share! But i know that if asked directly, I will spill.  Thing is, no one cares! haha. the irony.

and then …

Dear Universe: i know you hear me. I know I fucking asked for a new, top floor apartment with more light and no noisy neighbours. I asked for it as recently as last Thursday, and then on Friday we got our notice from the landlord that he’s selling this apartment and we have 6 months to move. Dear Universe, thanks for hearing me. Really. Thanks for giving me the experience of being here already 5 years so that I can negotiate a new lease with more ease since we’re in the city and can actually see the places in advance (versus last time when we rented this place from ‘back home’).

And Universe, thanks for kicking my ass back to work, I’ve been super slack for months with job #1. I had no real goals. thanks for making a new big apartment that we can afford my new goal.

And Universe? Let me say that i hate moving but i like new beginnings. we wouldn’t have moved unless pushed. Now we’ve been pushed. And really, thanks for that. even if i think i brought this on myself by asking for it, it’s a good thing.


Happy Day 50 to Heidistar!

Happy Day 50 to New Me!

Happy Day 50 to KMT!

Happy Day 50 to Sam41!

Happy Day 50 to Fish!

Happy Day 50 to PlaydowEater!

Happy Day 100 to Fich!



I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Fantastic! I also hate moving, but love new beginnings too. Life is an adventure, if you don’t like your sheets, change them 🙂 Very exciting!

  • I love the “sober secrecy” thing. It’s so true – there is a part of me that really wants people to ask about it so I can share how wonderful I feel and the other part likes to hold the ownership of the information and savor it all for myself. I keep remarking on how strange it is how normal it is to NOT drink. I guess I didn’t realize before that normal people can choose when to drink or not to drink and it doesn’t phase those around them. On the apartment front, I also keep remarking on how strange it is in this sober universe that when we ask for things with real intention and honesty we often get what we ask for in honest and deserving ways. Never before has the phrase “be careful what you ask for” felt so real. Hope you find exactly what you want :). Thanks for your words.

  • 6 months is definitely long enough to find your dream apartment. Sometimes we just need a little kick to get moving. You deserve the best and I’m sure you’ll find it now that you have a clearly defined goal. – Hana

  • Belle: Wonderful posting. Congratulations on your positive attitude about the apartment situation. If you had received this news in your drinking days, I wonder if you would have been so positive about it, or would you have stressed and been anxious and….reached for the wine bottle?
    Joan B.

    • too true. my first flash of thought was “fuck it, if we can’t live here, we’ll move back home.” and then i went online and looked at new places, and realized we could now move to the top floor somewhere – we could get more light – we could have a change … By the time i told Mr. B. about the news, i was fine and jabbering about the possibilities while he was still in (sad) shock…