micro-email: “Leaking crying”

Every day or two I send out a micro-email (http://eepurl.com/BqAEn) with bits and stories and anecdotes. Usually they’re messages from my inbox, and sometimes they’re longer pieces written by me.

And every so often I take one of those emails and post it here.

“Leaking crying”

From Koala Girl:

“So here’s the thing about day 15. It’s the day before 16 which is when you told me this raw red ooze of emotion might make itself slightly more bearable.

I dunno what wolfie is up to, but one thing for sure is that I’ve met a woman I’m unfamiliar with in the last two weeks. She’s not the kind of girl I have ever allowed in my inner circle. She can’t get her mascara on some mornings cause thinking about people she loves makes her cry in the bath. She cries while writing emails. She cries on the bus. In the bathroom at work. And then comes home and cries some more. Now this is not like movie crying. It’s like breathing crying. Like leaking crying. Like fuck you wine you squished me down for so long I’m coming out now that you can’t keep me corked up crying .

But this messy messy girl is starting to teach me something. I’m not that tough.

My heart is this amazing thing … I need to protect it better. Being sober lets me watch out for it.

I will admit I could do with less leaking. Day 16 is almost here. Thanks Belle”


Happy Day 50 to Cornelius!

Happy Day 50 to Tess!

Happy Day 50 to Fire!

Happy Day 50 to Liesel!

Happy Day 50 to Moon Alley!

Happy Day 100 to Old_dude29!

Happy Day 100 to Lindsay30!

Happy Day 100 to Julie Nicole!

Happy Day 100 to Hank!

Happy Day 180 to Kal!

Happy Day 180 to Joan E!

Happy Day 180 to Miss Lynn!

Happy Day 180 to Shannon A!

Happy Day 200 to Jeannie Yogini!

Happy Day 200 to Carrie Kaffer!

Happy Day 200 to Raquelle!

Happy Day 300 to Donna!

Happy Day 300 to Laurie!

Happy Day 300 to BST!

Happy Day 300 to Catkin!

Happy Day 365 to Sara Stef!


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • whew, can I identify with what she’s going through! I had, right at 3 weeks, a bit of an epiphany where I saw visually before me everything I’d been doing to myself– only it was enacted upon a small, helpless, silent child. It was positively gut-wrenching, nauseating to watch it be done to HER, as opposed to me who I thought deserved that kind of treatment.
    It was then that I realized the tender part of me which I’d thought was a character flaw and had been trying to repress and destroy for so long (because it made me vulnerable to pain, see)… that was the part I ought to be guarding at all costs.
    At all costs.
    KG, you’re right on target. Your heart is amazing. Protect it, love it, validate it.