Boy Sober Bloggers

Belle Uncategorized

I recently sent out an email to micro-email subscribers, asking about Boy Sober Bloggers – who are they – why aren’t there more. Here’s some feedback I’ve received from a few men in Team 100, as to why there aren’t many male bloggers, with links to some boy blogs below (annoying alliteration):

Lurking with Intent: “Women tend to be more social for the most part and want to share with others. Men are taught to tough it out. Women are more verbal despite the plethora of males writers; society is stacked against women succeeding. Men like to feel accomplished at something and like to offer fixes; which might not be a good solution for sober blogging. ‘I know what you need to do to be sober, do what I say’ … It’s like when my lovely wife complains about something and I offer her a solution and it is not what she wanted. A woman would empathize with her. If a male friend complains about something, I offer my take or offer a solution and it’s always received well. Men can talk about solutions but probably aren’t as good at warm fuzziness as women are.”

Abrown: “It is a very masculine thing to hang out with you friends and drink, especially beer. Especially younger guys like myself. Most guys think they cannot be one of the guys if they don’t drink … also, maybe how they were brought up, if I did not form my own opinion, and just relied on my father’s ‘real men drink beer’ approach I would never have gotten sober.”

Crispy: “I wonder if there is a higher [desire] to come together and share by women. Comparing notes on life and experience is not something I find many men doing. I do it a lot but mostly with female friends or family. Most of my male friends or colleagues get this kind of blank/disinterested look on their face when I start talking about internal affairs. Maybe culturally men are very task-focused so therefore time for reflection and sharing (which blogging essentially is in many ways) is not deemed necessary. I would argue it’s key to ensuring successful task ‘doing’ though! At 32, I don’t have many peers who are quitting drinking …  there’s a pack-mentality that goes on with guys that’s really hard to step out of and requires a lot of courage to do so.

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Here’s the beginnings of a boy blogger list. It’s short now. Maybe we can add to it? Send me links for review.

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Happy Day 100 to 365 Reasons!

Happy Day 180 to SignGurl!

Happy Day 300 to JM!

 

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Hi Belle,

    I’m a guy and I was inspired from you and the blogging community to start my own blog a few days ago. it’s at http://day87blog.wordpress.com/

    I started it on my 87th day of sobriety, today I’m on day 90 so it’s a special day for me. Of course that also means there is only a few posts so far but there will be more!

    I can’t thank the whole community enough, reading words from others dealing with the same thing I am is encouraging beyond belief. Thanks again!

    Reply

  • Great question and some good responses. The last time I mentioned the brotherhood of male bloggers…only women responded to it…ha ha. The boys are out there, but we are certainly in the minority.

    What the guys in the post hit the nail on the head – we men aren’t brought up (or is in our DNA) to be social creatures, for the most part. We are lone wolves in many ways, and especially in addiction, where we isolate even further. For many men, we certainly look at the John Wayne or Clint Eastwood archetype – the quiet, action / DIY type mentality. No whining, no complaining, no sharing. Get ‘er done!

    I mean, look at men at best of times, when it comes to their own health. We only go to doctors when we HAVE to – when that strange lump is the size of Wales and it’s bleeding purple. Then we’ll think about it. Women are more proactive and come in with questions and the such (generally speaking, of course). So when it comes to this stuff, the booze retreat, men tough it out. Ask few questions. Another box in the “to do list” that needs checking off at some point.

    I blog because I am introverted and just seem to communicate better with the words and not always in a social setting. I am not a hermit, by any stretch, and I love hanging out with folks in recovery face to face, but there is something about pouring out the guts and sharing with others out here on the blogosphere just suits some of us.

    Different perspective, for sure. I love the dudes out here, as much as I love the ladies – you get different ways of looking at things and you get a different vibe. And that’s a great thing!

    Thanks for the links – there were two I hadn’t run into before.

    I have some more dudes on my list…will return with links 🙂

    Paul

    Reply

    • thanks for this Paul. I’m always so happy to see you commenting here. I need more guidance from ‘old timers’ like you!

      Reply

  • Interesting that there seems to be more men in AA meetings but definitely more female bloggers.

    I have finally hit my 100 day but it still feels like it is not real. I wonder if that is because I have been off work for a week. Maybe too much boredom and thinking? Glad to be working next few nights to keep my mind off drinking.

    Reply

    • Well done on the 100 365 Reasons. I too found the day itself strange and anti-climatic. It took a few days and finding something to really reward myself with (I bought a painting!) to get a sense of the achievement – so stick with it, it’s worth it.

      Reply