that’s enough science for me

From my inbox:

a few of the many emails i received in response to the (not very) micro-email sent yesterday, called “I have a default setting that says *I’m too tired* even when I’m not.”

Missy Gal (day 63): “We all have that I’m too tired default setting. When we’re drinking, the first half of the day is getting our shit together. And the latter part of the day is spent doing the basics. That’s why, in my opinion we don’t achieve what we know we can do! When we are not drinking, we can achieve so much more.  Just my two-cents worth.  Still sober.”

me: “this made me really smile, you’re soo right. we used to spend all morning recovering from last night .. and then spend the afternoon preparing for that night’s drinking. Who had time for real life? And now that we’re sober? Well it’s remarkably easier to get shit done. Even if we still have some of the old recordings playing in our heads (like mine that says I’m too tired).”

KMT: “Good luck: for what it’s worth, having a business doesn’t seem to be enough for you, does it? What’s in a cinnamon bun: that’s the $64,000 question.”

me: “ha! what’s in a cinnamon bun? this I know. feeding people = love. of that I’m sure 🙂 I host catered dinners and it’s the best part of my month. I really like hosting, meeting new people, helping the shy people be heard. I like remembering people’s food preferences for when they come back again. Food is my vehicle :)”


and this great question from YGS. how many times, how many hours, was I online looking for an “answer” or a “definition” for my drinking. I took all the questionnaires, I read all the quotes. so yeah, I can totally relate to this:

ygs (day 0): “I was just wondering if you know as the addiction gene is true. Because you know my father is an alcoholic even though he is sober now. I don’t know maybe I’m just looking for an excuse. When I tried an AA meeting, they said that the addiction gene is true and that I have it. I don’t know if the answer to this is gonna help me I’m just curious.”

me: “I don’t know if the addiction gene is true. I know that if we stop drinking we feel better. that’s enough science for me :)”


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • So true! Spend every morning recuperating from the night before and by three or four rolls around one is starting to feel human enough again to start thinking about drinking. It’s that first drink. If you get past that urge your life is so much better. You can wake up the next morning bright eyed and bushy tailed and actually be productive and do all that you are capable of.

  • That’s enough science for me too! This thinking would have helped me become sober sooner but I am glad that it is helping me now!

  • I don’t mind any more if I have this gene or not (if it does exist) What I DO know : I searched 20-25 years for the answer why I drank and I think Belle is right – it is pretty simple. There was never a real answer. Except that alcohol is very addictive stuff of course. But I’m sober now -150 days;-) and Missy Gal, well said! Now I don’t have to spend the mornings recovering I get sooo much more done. Having lots of energie suddenly, so time to adjust the I’m too tired default setting!
    Sometimes I wonder: am I still an alcoholic? I used to think you are for life. But I don’t drink and I don’t fancy drinking at all. Doesn’t sound like a very accurate description of an alcoholic to me? So, whats in a word..

    Belle, go for the sober bakery! It will be so lovely. I would come all the way to eat a cinnamon bun. Or a lemon bar. Or both.. I think giving people a good cup of coffee and wonderful food in a nice atmosphere is very important work. And when you enjoy it and do it with love you’ll make the people who visit’s day. You would make mine for sure 😉

  • This is what i love about you. you keep it simple.

    me: “I don’t know if the addiction gene is true. I know that if we stop drinking we feel better. that’s enough science for me :)”

    • We do tend to try to find answers to questions that don’t HAVE answers. And then BECAUSE can we can’t find the answers, we think that we should wait until we DO find an answer…

      When really…

      Well, you know what I think 🙂