from my inbox:
TinyDancer: “I just listened to audio #1, and I am most struck by the grocery store analogy. I went to a therapist for a period of time to get help stopping and she said to me, ‘this three days sober, and then three days not sober is getting to you. You are doing this the hard way.’
Well, no shit. I knew that. Irks me to pay someone to state the obvious. Can’t remember many times in my life where I didn’t do things the hard way. I’m hard headed. …
I never understood when they talk about alcoholics being in denial. I was never in denial. I knew I had a problem. I’ve had a problem for the past five years. The difficulty lies in the actual not picking up a drink. I have this odd sense of rules surrounding drinking. *No drink before five unless I’m on vacation. Don’t keep the house stocked with wine, just buy a bottle at a time, no driving if I have had more than two glasses, ever. Hide it from my kids so I don’t set a bad example.* EXHAUSTING.
So, I began to look for another way. In the meantime, I read every piece of literature I could get my hands on. I was an expert at alcoholism now. Just not in practice. I’m a classic avoider. But, I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want to wake up wondering what I can’t remember. I want to grade papers with an unfoggy mind and teach my classes without struggling to get through them. I want to like what I see in the mirror again, which is why I am trying yet again.”
MCD: “I loved the sober jumpstart class. I have never tried to be sober for an extended period of time and had no clue where to start. Each lesson gave me a few key things to focus on. These lessons pointed me in the right direction and gave me the support I needed to begin this journey. Before I signed up I tried to talk myself out of it, tried to say I didn’t want to spend the money, didn’t have the time to devote to it, etc. But, had I not signed up, I don’t think I would have gotten past day 7 of my sobriety.” (She’s on day 34 today)
Those feeling will go. The freedom and peace and relief will come.
My day 1 was dec 1 2013. I made it through birthdays, Christmas, New Years, Super Bowl. Sober.
Life was still stressful and chaotic and probably would have seemed easier numbed and drunk.
But I wasn’t and the rewards have been enormous.
Life is truly better sober.
“Well, no shit.”
“I was never in denial.”
“Hide it from my ….spouse/others EXHAUSTING.”
“I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want to wake up wondering what I can’t remember.”
I have felt and done all the things you write about Tiny Dancer…including the paper grading and lecture while hung-over and shaking.
Day one, chiming in. Scared as shit but up for a fight. I want to look forward to things again.
All Right NotAnyMore, we’re here for you. You can do it. Lots of water to drink, ready made food and SLEEP. Stay in after work and understand why. You’re on the right path. And we’re here to help you stay on that path and enjoy it too. Hard to believe that but trust me, it’s true.
Way to go Mr Belle, you rock the house with your year !~!
YES. The hardest part is not picking up that first drink when…we really, really want to. I’m finding that hard right now, mainly cuz I have surges of anger and irritation and frustration–life comes in. I think maybe we feel these normal things stronger b/c we have been “escaping” and “numbing” them for so long. Anyway, wow, congrats to Mr. Belle!
EXHAUSTING! That says it all. I’ve started and stopped (or stopped and started) several times now. The periods of drinking are getting shorter each time because it’s EXHAUSTING trying to control it. I’m on edge, pissed at myself, pissed at all those people that don’t struggle with their drinking…completely opposite of the freedom I feel when I’ve stayed sober a while. I’m not giving up. And I’m going to do things I didn’t do before to help me stay sober because eventually, I’ll find the combo that works for me. So will you.
I’m with you, TinyDancer. I don’t want to be scared anymore. Enough of that. I relate to so much of what you say. Imagine the sense of freedom and power when we get there. And we will, because we are still trying. Just finished my third attempt at getting through the first week (well, I’m on day 5) – and it’s a good new beginning. Thoughts to you 🙂