is it ‘that’ important what the liquid is?

from my inbox:

BetterThisWay (day 96):  “Closing in on day 100! I know I will commit to adding on…deciding 160 or 180 … I want to work in allowing champagne on my daughter’s wedding day without feeling like it was not OK … I might not even go there, that might be too weird, or just not of interest, but I seem to want permission for the day …”

me: You will probably not want to disrupt your sober streak for something as small and unimportant as what kind of liquid is in your glass. You can raise a glass for a toast and it doesn’t matter what’s in the glass — it’s about the emotions. You can toast with soda or tea or frog guts. It’s all good 🙂


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • My daughter would be mortified if I decided to drink on her wedding day … if that day ever happens. I guess I’m privileged to know that people I mix with don’t care one bit what’s in my glass – only that I have a drink if I want one…but I think I’ll pass on the frogs guts 🤣

  • My daughter is 14 years old and knows about my sobriety and the importance of not drinking. She told me the other night she wants to serve sparkling water in glass bottles with lime because it tastes fancy and then no one gets drunk on her special day. How could I have raised such a smart amazing woman?!?

  • My daughter (now in tenuous recovery) and her new husband both got roaring drunk on their wedding day and how they regret it now. They barely remember the reception and started their brand new married life with a hangover.

  • You will NEVER regret NOT drinking champagne at your daughter’s wedding … and that is a beautiful thing, it just gave me goosebumps.

  • I really, really love Belle’s reply here… That’s a statement to Wolfie to fuck off. And to BetterThisWay, so happy for you! Eventually I will be there too, and I’m keeping the reply close to me. We are all cheering on you <3

  • Wow, I am so surprised by all these replies! I have been riding this sober thing rather quietly in my corner and not really chatting it up since the first 2 weeks. I have doing my emails to Belle and then lo and behold, there are all these people talking to me about thinking about my daughters wedding..,so stunned and humbled. What beautiful words and thoughts. Thank you. I will bring some fantastic tea and find some special AF bubbles, if need be because I now know how great it will feel to be alert and take in each moment with a clear head. Wow.

    • Soo happy to read this! To think about 1 alcoholic drink on a special occasion still means thinking about drinking. A lovely AF drink on such a special day will do fine.. Festive AF drinks is a hot item on several blogs now and elderflower seems to be a favoriete. Ik didnt know this word but Google helped out. Vlierbloesem! (Dutch) Yummie.. It’s too early now but I sometimes make syrup from fresh -picked by myself -elderflower and it IS really special. A virgin mojito is lovely and special to.. Enjoy the wedding!
      Love, Nuchter Maya

  • That is “Wolfie” talking; and I was thinking Sober is better because there will be too much TEmptation with all the other excitements going on. A glass of champagne is just enough to Let your “gaurd down”. Imagine this: You drink and the Wolf comes out and you embarrass your daughter ( unintentionally of course). Better to play it Safe than to regret it later, especially since you are already Sober. I call that a Blessing…..BTW I’ll be attended a wedding in 2 weeks and I will Keep Wolfie in his place, locked up with a muzzle on….lol

  • Personally, I think it would be nicer to be clear headed and recall the wedding as a wonderful event rather than battling demons the whole day.

    “I remember a jumble of impressions, but nothing distinctly. I remember a fight, but not why we were fighting. Oh God, why do men drink and lose their minds? Why do we party until we’re like animals?” circa 1604

  • Congratulations! What a wonderful occasion. As Belle stated, it’s not what’s in the glass, but the sentiment behind it! Along with toasting your daughter, toast yourself for staying sober on HER day 🙂 I’m sure that she will be happy that she has a sober Mother and will be grateful that you are fully concious of everything going on and are able to be there for her. Alcohol won’t make a bit of difference..The Wolfie probably was’nt invited anyway, so enjoy the Celebration how you are today..Sober!

  • I agree with Carrie and Belle, It is the joy of the moment not what is in your glass. I would be scares to risk 1 glass of champagne because it may open the flood gates.
    Congrats on the wedding, enjoy

  • BTW, I completely understand your thought about the “specialness” of the champagne at your daughter’s wedding. I am getting married TODAY and have thought a lot about such an event without a glass of wine or champagne in my hand. But at eight months sober yesterday, I have to say that Belle is absolutely right…it’s just a moment, just a glass, and just not worth it. So as I get dressed today, my daughters will happily be sipping champagne while I sip AF Martinelli’s. God bless.