“I have to be with you again”

From my inbox:

James (day 146):

“Despite never actually having had a girlfriend like this, wolfie pulled the bad-girlfriend thing on me this morning as I was cycling in to work – “okay, okay, you’re right – we did need this time away, I was too clingy, I demanded too much of your attention, I was jealous of other things you wanted to do, I admit it. But remember how much fun we had? How I was always there for you? I promise if you come back that I won’t be like they were – we’ll talk up front and set some clear limits around the amount of time we spend together. You can have the other parts of your life back and I won’t get in the way, but I have to be with you again.”

It was frankly an absurd little play to be running through my skull. “Goodbye” seemed the only appropriate response.

me:  oh that’s good! I haven’t heard that particular spin from wolfie before. very clever actually. *I promise it’ll be different in the future* 🙂 yeah, like that’s ever been true!


Happy Day 50 to BalanceBeam!

Happy Day 50 to Hank!

Happy Day 50 to Olivia!

Happy Day 50 to Onyx Star!

Happy Day 50 to Gordon!

Happy Day 50 to Foxtrot!

Happy Day 50 to Pink!

Happy Day 100 to Renee!

Happy Day 100 to SaraN!

Happy Day 100 to Lizzy!

Happy Day 180 to Jeroen!

Happy Day 200 to Fiona!

Happy Day 365 to JM!


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • “You can have the other parts of your life back and I won’t get in the way…” – yeah that is a lie of I ever heard one. If I give in I know I will be right back where I was before I started Belle’s 100-day challenge, but with another big fat failure-to-stay-sober hanging over my head.

    When I first stopped drinking using Belle’s 100-day challenge, wolfie would appear to me as a shouting , demanding sort. DRINK! WINE! NOW! It was hard, but I resisted his demands.

    Lately he has appeared to me as an angel of light, a purveyor of friendship and camaraderie, a way toward peace and quiet, a poet, a gentle songster…

    It is my day 32 and I have been hearing wolfie’s-wine’s siren song constantly for a week, so I guess I will take yet another bath and go to bed very very early.

    Way to go James day 146.

    • Sleep was a life saver for me in those early days and still I use it regularly when I need to relax, regroup, recharge, refill, forgive, forget, and rest. Going to bed early became my mantra for a couple years and it is still a first response when I get super stressed–which I try very hard not to do anymore.

      Congrats to all who are successfully avoiding Wolfie’s bullshit and lies. No matter how sweet they sound.

  • I also loved this spin on Wolfie. I love being free of Wolfie and hope that I never go back. I feel so much better and happier without the desire to drink creeping up at the end of the work day or looking so forward to going home to “relax” which translates to drink wine. Now when I go home, I do relax, I drink tea eat a snack and then make dinner without playing the just another half a glass game. I really feel a sense of wonderful freedom.

  • I completely love this analogy, and definitely had the same thoughts about Wolfie. He was a relationship that went sour years before I kicked him to the curb. I was so used to him making me false promises about how it was going to be fun, drama free, and happy again (like it used to be). In order to get over him, I had to finally stop taking his calls, and just cut him off completely. It was so much like a break up – I avoided the places I would see him, the people who had him over, and the situations where I might think I needed him again. At over 5 months I’m quite used to being without him, and light years happier without his baggage. There’s a time and place for endings and when we know someone like Wolfie, the sooner the better. Like yesterday, today, tomorrow, and for all days forward. – Hana

  • I love this little scenario. I gives me something else to imagine of Wolfie except the black monster with the red eyes and snarling teeth chasing me in the night.

    And congratulations to JM for one year of sobriety!!