from my inbox:
Alicia (day 68): … I was tired beyond belief, and i started torturing myself with doubt, with logistical questions about HOW it will all go (not one of these questions needs to be answered now, or even for a few months, or maybe even ever), and IF i was really good enough, and WHO did i think i was taking this on and etc etc etc.
I stopped and thought about what Belle might have to say about this. In the past, i would have gone completely off the rails, but last night i reminded myself of all the good, reminded myself that i was too tired to be thinking straight, and too tired to treat myself with kindness. i didn’t want to drink — but i was completely undermining myself in a different way. just the idea of you, Belle, and the wisdom you have shared on your blog, was enough to snap me out of it.
this morning, i’m back to thinking that i’m on the right track professionally, and that i will be of help to many people once things get going.
i have been struggling with this pattern of self-doubt for my entire life. i’m not sure i’ve ever seen it as clearly as i do now.”
me: really this is very lovely, thanks for sharing. you sound like you’re definitely learning how to take care of you 🙂 even when that means simply saying “i’m not going to think about this now.” overwhelm is a big trigger, so managing overwhelm is huge 😉 hugs from me
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Hi Belle and Alicia. Thanks for the post, really helpful. “i didn’t want to drink — but i was completely undermining myself in a different way” is something that I seem to be battling with at the moment.
I certainly am finding not drinking easier now, I’m around the day 75 mark, but am noticing old thoughts and behaviours creeping in that undermine the person I’m discovering I am sober. Often I can find myself so caught up in all the things that I’m doing until I find myself exhausted and fed up. Then I start to worry and feel low, telling myself I should be happier and livelier.
At this point, and reading posts like this, I realise it’s time for treats, for an early bed, and a general ‘be nice to myself’ moment.
Thanks. And well done to all the people in red!
Tom x
Wow, congrats to everyone on 50, 100 and 180 days 🙂 Well done! Thanks for linking to my blog Belle. Much appreciated! And I can completely relate to Alicia, especially about questioning who do I think I am and night time seems to be the worst. it’s nice to have an outside voice reminding us to go to bed, be nice to ourselves and just take care of ourselves. Thanks Belle for all you do 🙂