From my inbox:
Rlynn (day 86): “I don’t know why I am judging myself today … I found myself googling celebrities that quit drinking and saw a pattern that most people pull it together in their 20s. And I am going to be 42 in a couple weeks. I wish I could say I didn’t waste a couple decades but I did. Sigh.”
me: you’re so hilariously hard on yourself. I think you should compile the list of addicts and alcoholics who died at any age who DIDN’T get their shit together, ever. 🙂 Therefore, you’re doing *better* than every single person who doesn’t try… statistics can show anything. Let’s make them show something positive.
Rlynn: “You are right. Maybe shoulda coulda woulda or shoulding all over yourself can be a chapter in your book. When I was pregnant, I loved the *what to expect when you’re expecting* books — I never freaked out when all the weird pregnant things happened because the book warned me. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a what to expect when you are sober guide? Not just a guide but a lookout for these mind fucks … then you wouldn’t have to think your stinking thinking was just unique to you and you just just shrug and have another cookie when the thoughts came!
me: cookies …
I am on Day 207, thank you Belle for this site and all the people who post. 🙂
I’m going to be 42 in a few weeks and I know that feeling, Rlynn! More than 20 years of my life, what was I doing? Just wanted to say, I love the idea of a “what to expect when you’re sober” book. Collected bits of it here and there from other people’s blogs, but it would be great collected together in a book, so you don’t feel you’re going completely mad. Week 3: you will be eating immense amounts of chocolate and feeling anxious about EVERYTHING. This will pass…
this made me smile : )
moretome, I’m entering week three today, so that’s a very timely little tip, thank you!
On What To Expect When You’re Getting Sober: Sometimes I feel like this getting sober gig is a bit like parenthood; before you do it everyone tells you it’s rainbows and sunshine right the way through (ignoring the people who tell you that it’ll ruin your life; another booze analogy there!) and then when you complain about the lack of sleep, the irritation, the anxiety, they’re all like “oh. yeah. that happens to all of us”. And then they tell you that the first bit is the hardest bit and you just have to knuckle through, but when you hit the dreaded 3.5 years (I don’t know what that’d be in sobriety years (are sobriety days like dog days?)) and it’s not rainbows and sunshine yet/again, they’re all “oh, yeah. no, this bit also sucks for everyone”.
Love this, afteralcohol. so true!
afteralcohol – I love that idea: sobriety days / years are like dog day / years….
I too looked actor / celebrities who have gotten sober. I’m in my early 30s, wanted to find someone who I was like “look they’re still cool sober!” (Robert Downey jr., Jada pinkett smith who quit cold turkey after a moment of clarity while drinking wine on the couch which had gotten to a two bottle habit) etc. young and old it’s always inspiring!! Also Jamie lee Curtis has gotten sober in the last 10 yrs and said it was the best thing she’s ever done for herself.
Night and love to my fellow Hellz Bells 😉
Rlynn (day 86 is so great) I am older than you and I have these same thoughts. But I am pretty sure there is nothing we can do to change the past.
Celebrities have a lot more money than we do and they have managers who send them to rehab (over and over again if necessary) but some of them die first like Amy Winehouse , Whitney Houston, Heath Ledger, Brittany Murphy, Elvis, Marilyn, and the guy from Milli Vanilli.
Some of them like Mel Gibson have so much money they can go on drinking and insulate themselves from all the associated crap. Larry Hagman, for example, was able to buy himself a new liver.
We don’t have that luxury but we do have Belle and de sober girls!
Or to put it another way; anecdotes do not equal data. I think it was in the book, High Functioning Alcoholics where it stated that many people go through a period of heavy drinking in college but then pull out of it when they get jobs, start a family, etc; when the consequences become too great. Some of us didn’t or in my case I started drinking much later. Better late than never!
Good point Wanda! We are so lucky to have Belle . Who knows what the future will bring. Good thing we have one. I feel like I should tattoo I am grateful for….so I can remember to fill in the blanks everyday!
Love this