From my inbox:
Mark Twain (50 days sober):
“I’m sitting here thinking to myself — “wow… 50 days sober. 50 days free of the burden of alcohol. 50 days not being alcohol’s bitch!”. Ahhhhhhh, so good.
Last night I was looking at a couple of the longer emails that I sent to you — days when I was truly struggling. Not wanting to drink, yet hearing Wolfie beckoning to me with all of the reasons why I could… why I should. Sigh.
The act of reaching out to you is so incredibly helpful. It helps me in following through with the drinking scenario to the end, i.e. the inevitable, painstaking, physically and emotionally draining hangover (and can’t forget the feelings of complete and utter despair). And both of you [belle and rebecca] always wrote back with such strong words of encouragement. Such positivity. And suggestions for how to get through that particular moment in time.
Alcohol was stealing my life. And, I know, it still wants to. It’s an insidious little fuck… So, this email is not to say that my struggle is over. Or that I understand what tomorrow is going to be like. It’s simply a celebration of 50 sober days. 50 days of having my life back… a start.
I whole-heartedly believe that I wouldn’t be sitting on my couch at 8:23 on a Sunday morning, clear headed and thankful without the two of you. So, thank you both.
P.S. Treats, treats, treats, treats, treats, treats for all! :)”
[and good news, she’s on day 72 today!]
I totally hear you runninggirl , there’s so much I don’t remember it blows my mind, it’s our time to make new memmories that we can keep!! I’m with you Wanda T , sometimes It seems others are so far along but how did they get there!!! I don’t know for sure but I feel we will make it!! On st Patricks day I had a huge pity party that I was the only one on the planet that couldn’t have a Guinness…. Two hours of this was torture and then my third client of the day came in and disclosed to me that she had breast cancer for the third time and basically she was on experimental drugs at this point she will not give up she must fight for her life and children and husband!!!!! My entire body went numb, how could I be such a bratt over a stupid beer, she has no clue but Her story saved me from myself on that day!!! It just keeps happening, in the moment I think what is the point something pulls me back in, I’m just going with that for now! Hold on everybody I think we are on a freaky roller coaster!!! We will win this!!!!!!!
Thanks Sober Second Half , runninggirl , Melzy, & de other sober bloggers. You helped me a lot. Last night I felt frantic. Sometimes I think everyone is on day 70 except me. I did everything I could to not drink: bath, stared at my bracelet, chanted f-you wolfie (albeit without conviction), made lists of all the bad things that would follow drinking, drank tea, ate cake, read the blogs over again, and then had a terrible night trying to sleep with my mind racing a thousand miles an hour…but at least I made it thru another day.
Stealing our lives away from us, that’s what it felt like to me too. Each lost day was one that I could never retrieve. Now they all belong to me and I am the one responsible for how they work out. It’s totally empowering to have control. Fuck the Wolfie and his buddies. We are the strong ones in this fight and we will win.
nicely said Melzy. I want my life back too–the thing is, I don’t remember what my life was before I drank consistently. I feel I’m treading on new territory here. Freaky some days.
I am so grateful for every post I’ve just read here, it’s so clear now that we are not the only ones struggling , but sometimes in those moments it just feels like we are. Everytime I think this is just way to hard something pulls me back. Today is day 23 for me and I can relate to every word Wanda T has said! I want my life back!!!!
I need you all~ Thank you Belle, you are amazing!
You are strong Wanda T! 21 days strong! I’m on day 17 and whenever I get that feeling I make my herbal teas, reach for the ipad and read a bunch of bloggers. Also I look up the benefits of quitting…and try and remember all the good points.
I’m trusting that it is going to get better. I can see some changes already- better sleep, skin better, energy up and I am happier. Day by day I guess. 🙂
Oh God its so true. Alcohol has stolen so much of my life. How do you make it to 50 days? I’m am on day 21 and it’s so hard! And my husband is gone and all I can think is how enjoyable it would be to drink. And it would be enjoyable for about 1/2 hour to an hour. After that I would just be woozy. Then it would turn into a BINGE because it ALWAYS turns into a BINGE. I have drank two pots of mint tea so far this afternoon. And I have been chanting “Fuck you wolfie” “Fuck you wolfie” “Fuck you wolfie” —-50 days is amazing. So is 72 days. So is 100 days. But maybe I’m not that strong or I need to be locked up in rehab for 90 days or something!
Hang in there, Wanda. Bad habits are so hard to break, but so worth breaking. Have you read Allen Carr’s “The Easy Way to Control Alcohol”? When I first read it, I was sort of unimpressed and I didn’t think I got much out of it. However, the image of the pitcher plant has stuck with me and has gotten me through a few temptations. I’m at day 70 and I cherish the good sleep and clear-headed mornings I’ve been experiencing. I feel like I’ve given myself a gift. For the first time since I started drinking all those years ago, I remember what it felt like to be a child – being happy just because I’m happy, not because I had a glass of wine. Or, feeling sad or stressed and NOT numbing those feelings with a glass of wine and ultimately feeling worse. Give yourself a chance – shake up your routine – buy yourself a treat – whatever you need to do – just hang in there!
In those first few weeks, I took Belle’s suggestion of treats every few days. Now I plan big treats for every 10 days. It started with dozen of roses for myself and cake. Now planning to award myself with facials, massages, and tickets to shows. I feel it is my birthday every 10 days now. I am only at 55 days but have my awards planned til day 100. Reading blogs and writing a daily blog has helped me. Stay strong!