it’s not for me, wolfie

i had a drinking dream. doesn’t happen very often. It went like this: i am on vacation (my drinking dreams are always outside of my real life), and i have a glass of champagne. immediately wolfie says – you might as well keep drinking until the end of the vacation, and then you can quit again. Then a few minutes later I decide it is better to quit right away.

Even in my dreams, i know that i have to quit again. there is never a thought like “that’s it, now i’m going to drink like a fish.”

As i remember, the dream was more about the do-i-drink or do-i-quit right now … it wasn’t about the actual feeling of the champagne. i can’t even fucking romanticize booze in my dreams! i’m right on to “quit now, quit later.” sheesh.

And speaking of bad fucking language, got this great quote from new Team 100 member, John S: “Fuck you wolfie! you lying stealing piece of shit dirtbag of a voice in my head that never should have been born…”

Someone asked yesterday if i could create a Fuck You Wolfie bracelet that didn’t say ‘fuck’. and i’ve thought about it.

Let’s say you were faced with a boogie man, trying to break into your home and jeopardize everything around you. would you swear? would you yell and scream and say “get the fuck out of here you anus!” or would you say “get the heck out of here.”

i’m teasing, a little.

i know that not everyone swears. i’m just feeling like wolfie deserves a bit of swearing. he really does.

OK, so then I asked Mr. B. what he thought, cuz he’s a non-swearing kind of guy (i know, right?). and he said the bracelet could say

“It’s not for me, Wolfie.”

would that work?

and hey, just a big, glorious, sunshiny shout-out to you. for being here, for reading, for nominating me for blogging awards, and for scooping up the new treat box. honestly. i just created the idea for the new box on friday and there are only 3 left. y’all rock. truly. and thanks 🙂 it was way-cool to wake up this morning to that kind of news 🙂 i don’t know, sometimes the insecure part of me thinks “i’ll create this box and no one will want it. they’re bored of you. you think you know what you’re doing but you don’t. you suck at this. no one wants fuzzy socks. cinnamon cookies are boring. blah, belle, who do you think you are.”

you know that voice, right? Wolfie. and just when wolfie starts to say a bunch more shit, right then paypal sends me an inventory warning that there were only 3 boxes left. hahaha. Then i stick my tongue out at wolfie and say “le fuck you, you gigantic le fucking anus” …

UPDATE: the new “Not Today” bracelet has been designed 🙂



Happy Day 50 to Lisch!

Happy Day 50 to Bradley!

Happy Day 100 to Cam!

Happy Day 100 to ldederer!

Happy Day 100 to Nuchter Maya!

Happy Day 100 to Jenny P!

Happy Day 200 to Rachelle!

Happy Day 300 to Beth!


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Love it Belle- even in your dreams you know what’s best!
    Hmmm- not today sounds like there could be a someday. That wouldn’t work for my brain. I say fuck you Wolfie works the best…for the non potty mouths you could say something like… In your dreams Wolfie- in your dreams. Attitude without the potty mouth-

  • Not minding the language, but I like the “jt’s not for me, Wolfie” because it’s how I’d like to think of myself calmly telling Wolfie to go away, then strolling off without a look back. And after all, it’s not for me; others do fine with their drinking. The reminder of ‘not ME’ helps when those dangerous ‘moderation’ thoughts may creep into the mind. Amos.

  • I totally agree. It must be “Fuck you” when it comes to lowlifes as Wolfie. He doesn’t know when to split otherwise, too lame. I’m getting faster each day to silent him, and I love it. And another thing… You. Rock.

  • I think that wolfie deserves the original language myself because there is nothing polite about him 🙂

  • I have to say I like the Fuck You Wolfie bracelet as it is. I can hear Belle’s strong voice shining through with those 3 words.

  • I like all of this. And in case you want to spend more time fine-tuning the bracelet message, how about changing it from a negative “Not” to a positive word? Don’t know what the positive version of “Not today, Wolfie” would be. Maybe “It’s my choice, Wolfie” – but that’s not so catchy. ”

    I guess the point of this message is to repel Wolfie. Hmmmm. He does need some firm language. I guess a positive/empowering/warm message might not do the trick. I’d vote for “Piss off Wolfie” or maybe “Suck it Wolfie”.

  • I had a dream the other day I met up with a friend in a bar and told him I want stunning anymore. He asked “then why are you drinking beer?” I looked down and my water magically turned to a glass of beer. I thought “oh crap. Oh well… might as well finish this one.”
    I woke up feeling guilty. Hang-dream-over.

  • Whatever way one has to speak to that voice that can be successful at sending it away is how one must operate. If calling that voice by another name is what works then go for that name instead. I’ve never called the voice Wolfie but having a name to it gave me a solid form to feel the amorphic presence of the tendency. Perhaps being able to visualize the voice as a wolf or a car crash or a ruined life… makes it easier to send the voice packing.

  • C’est quoi ce bordel? I heard Wolfie today, it is the first time I have heard him in this episode of sobriety. A friend of mine is coming to town and she loves to drink wine. She is sooo much fun to drink wine with. And The Wolf told me that I could go ahead and buy a bottle or two of wine and she and I could go to this little café where they let you bring your own wine. Wolfie said “it is so much more affordable than paying for wine in a restaurant.” Because he was trying to confuse me. He said that she and I could drink wine together over the weekend and then I could sober up again. And I would sober up again — after a binge that would last approximately 7 days and nights (as in morning, noon, and night).

    Wolfie is a wanker, le branleur!

    Va te faire foutre, Wolfie!

    (P.S. Mr. B has probably never heard The Wolfe’s voice – neither has my husband).

  • I must say that I find the “bad” language in the blog a bond and source of truth…saying “fuck you” is like throwing a punch but no one gets hurt even though it is a disembodied voice for a phantom wolf…I don’t know why but when I am really angry at something I feel strongly about but I can’t act on (i.e. throw a punch)I feel a release of the pressure when i say “fuck you.” That said, a bracelet that says, “Not today” is a quiet reminder of this journey we have all undertaken. But, I can’t argue against a bracing “fuck You Wolfie!” Ahhhh, feel better already.

    • What about “Fuck u Wolfie… Not today!” That’s what mine needs to read. Fuck u Wolfie isn’t enough for the actual moment of combat… For me

  • I know I would never wear the original. And I know not ‘everyone’ swears, and not all of us call that voice ‘Wolfie’.
    But, ‘Not Today’? I think THAT would be PERFECT.
    Sunny Sue, Day 369

  • Love it ~ well, maybe for those who don’t feel comfy with potty mouth, I kinda like Game of Thrones theme when Syrio Florel is teaching Arya Stark to swordfight, “… there only one thing we say to Death: Not Today.”

    Maybe something with similar “eff you heft” as not-drinking ultimately is a life or death matter is, “Not Today, Wolfie!”

  • Mr. B sounds like my Dad. The strongest language I ever heard him use was damn. He was almost always unfailingly cheerful. He was also where I inherited my genetic tendencies. So, I inherited cheerfulness and a tendency to drink to excess. What a great combo! But to the point of your post; not everyone swears. I’ve heard fuck so many times that it’s lost all it’s power to offend me. I also doubt wolfie is much offended by it either. I like Mr. B’s suggestion. Very succinct and to the point.