this isn’t a problem that can be solved by thinking

From my inbox:

ReBuilding Anne: “I am 21 days sober — I can’t believe it. I treat myself every Tues, Thursday and Sunday. Yesterday I bought myself a new pair of Nikes — what a dream! Now that I don’t have any more boobs per say (remember me, I am the one who had the double mastectomy last fall), I can actually semi jog without hurting myself :). I am back at work full time and although I love my work I have a very needy staff and a worthless manager. I don’t think a single thing got done while I was gone…. normally this would have driven me crazy and instead of calling them out on it, I simply would have come home and drank. This time I came home and baked. I found a recipe for Cranberry Bliss cookies and baked my heart out! Chemo starts soon. I will not however let that stand in my way of my new life.

Maybe my stage name should be sober and boobless instead of ReBuilding Anne. So glad I found you!!!!!!. ~RA”

[she’s on day 85 today]


Br: “Why am I so afraid to make choices that are good for me?”

me: I guess that you must, on some level, not really think that being sober would be good for you. you must have some wolfie voice saying “this is going to suck and won’t be worth it.” That the fact that wolfie exists does not mean you have to listen to him 🙂 especially when he’s lying. which we all know he is.

Br: “Belle, is that the truth? Is he really lying? Because you just boiled it down for me. *This is going to suck and won’t be worth it.* That is my albatross.  It is what keeps me mired in this madness. I want to overcome it. How do you quit long enough to get to the point where you realize it IS worth it, and doesn’t suck, and my life is wonderful and happy again? Do I have to do this all on faith? I wish I could hypnotize myself and put all doubts aside and listen to my true, inner voice which knows it will be worth it.  There is just so much noise from the wolf — he makes it so damn hard.”

me: “my dear, let me say this. you’re overdramatizing just a tiny bit. it will suck for 10 days. but it will be NOTHING compared to the stress you’re living [ton o personal crap]. getting sober is going to be a cakewalk by comparison. you will swiftly identify what is you and what is wolfie, and you’re going to be amazed at what 10 days, 16 days, and 30 days sober feel like. honestly. enough with the thinking 🙂 this isn’t a problem that can be solved by thinking 🙂 hahaha that should be a t-shirt!”


Happy Day 50 to Maureen!

Happy Day 50 to Challenges!

Happy Day 50 to Rlynn!

Happy Day 100 to Primrose!

Happy Day 100 to Sadie!

Happy Day 180 to SelfSearcher!

Happy Day 180 to Jenisthesoberist!

Happy Day 200 to Jennifer!

Happy Day 300 to Mr. Belle!



I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012