“no one likes a sober person”

from my inbox

Ta (day 61): “Sober, but having a doubtful day. I never was quite sure “why” I was doing this. Most days it seems so easy, it makes me question myself. Maybe I wasn’t as bad as I thought I was, no one else seems to think I need to quit. I had to sit down again and write a list of whys. It helped, I’m still on track, had a little reward snack.

Why do others question someone’s desire to get sober (for any reason)? My mother-in-law was a total wine pusher all Christmas break, telling me no one likes a sober person (nice, right?!?). My mom just assumes I wanted to lose weight or something. Granted I probably did most of my drinking at home alone or with my husband. But, they have all seen me in compromising drunken stupors. But I guess no one ever connected all the dots, suppose I should be grateful for that!

For now, my kids seem happier around the “new me”, I actually remember the endings to movies I watch, I feel better about myself and the grocery bills have gone way down without all the vodka, wine & beer I used to buy on a weekly basis. OK, I’m just rambling … Thanks for all the support! HUGS!!”

me:  Only someone who over-drinks themselves would say “no one likes a sober person” – that’s truly a shitty thing to say. And you have every self-protective right to limit your time with shitty people. And to ignore everything they say.

No one else has to understand what you’re doing or why. I’d just say something like “I realized that once I quit drinking I started sleeping through the night and when I had even one drink I’d be awake at 3 am for hours, so I’ve decided to continue to not-drink for a while longer. It just seems to suit me better.” Or something like that. I talk about this more in my sober jumpstart class, and I’ve written about it on the blog too… cuz, in my mind, it’s really nobody’s business.  Instead, you can say that you’re doing a 100 day detox thing, or you’re giving up drinking until you lose 20 pounds, or whatever… hugs from me

ps. the best part of this email is the tiny part you nearly hid: “I feel better about myself.”  that’s a good enough WHY be sober right there.


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • What are people thinking when they say things like Nobody’s likes a sober person ?~! Jay-Zus !~! Everybody who is worth knowing and loving and respecting likes a sober person. People with no problems drinking like other people who control themselves around alcohol and if that means not indulging then… Gah, that remark rankles me around the edges..

    • Good for you to admit to yourself that you want to change. Don’t let anyone tell you can drink if you think you can’t. At the same token, now that you are abstinent. Don’t let yourself fool you into thinking you can take one like a normal person. An alcoholic is an alcoholic and sometimes we can really be our worst critics. Get some numbers of your fellow blog friends and keep each other accountable 🙂 good luck on the journey!

  • Great post and stories, like Bridget, they have been really supportive today for me. So easy for me to start thinking I’m on my own, that no one really knows why I’m not drinking and they should, actually, why am I not drinking?! I’m learning to reach for these blogs and all of you when I hear these thoughts creeping in. Proud of myself, and of you. Day 21.

  • Ta–I can totally relate to your post–I have a few of those “why are you doing this” and “you won’t be any fun” people in my life too. Two words–“screw them.” If you are liking being sober now, then you will really like it further down the road.

  • I remember before I went to AA and got sober the first time, none of my friends or family, including my husband, thought I had a drinking problem. I thought I did, but assumed they knew more about me than I did. So I continued to drink for years using that excuse. Guess I was waiting for “the committee” to tell me I needed to sober up. Of course, my drinking (and self loathing) continued to worsen until I’d finally had enough. I started going to meetings, quit drinking, and didn’t even tell anyone for a short while. I was pretty good at hiding my drinking, and I wasn’t bad at hiding my not drinking. Eventually I did tell everyone, and they were surprised, repeating that they didn’t think I had been so bad. But my kids…my kids were so happy I quit (they were teenagers by this time), and my life got so much better, I didn’t have to hide anything anymore, and I no longer hated myself every day. Unfortunately, I got tired of AA, quit going to meetings and started drinking again after a couple of years. It didn’t take long before I knew I couldn’t drink moderately, but it was a while before I was able to quit again. Thankfully, I found Belle’s blog. I’m on day 51 and so, so glad to be not drinking. Just remember that no one knows what you need better than you do. And like everyone else said, it’s none of their damned business anyway.

  • Only someone who over-drinks themselves would say “no one likes a sober person” – that’s truly a shitty thing to say. And you have every self-protective right to limit your time with shitty people. And to ignore everything they say.

    This sounds like truth to me … not drinking makes drinking peeps uncomfortable with their own habits, they question themselves “why am I drinking” … people with NORMAL relationships with alcohol do not think these thoughts…that is what being a normal drinker is … someone who can take it or leave it without thought … unlike ME who was obsessed with alcohol and the obsession became the problem and the actions I took to feed the obsession.

    Good for your success and congrats on day 61 …

  • It really is nobody’s business. And yet, the decision not to drink seems to fall into a special category of “WANTED: Awkward Public Comments.” It’s sort of like when you’re pregnant and people in the dairy aisle at the grocery store feel entitled to put their hands on your belly.

    I find the notion that “no one likes a sober person” confusing. (If that is the case, there’s no need for all this effort on our part. Game over. We can all go back to boozing!)

    The truth is that no one likes an obnoxious, falling down drunk. And, no one likes a pious teetotaler. And because a reasonable middle ground, i.e. moderate drinking, isn’t an option, we’re all just trying to find some good footing to (as Belle recently said) “wait and see. Stay Here.” Congrats, Ta, on Day 61.

  • The brainwashed sheep who drink cause everyone else drinks , poisoning themselves because they have been conditioned from an early age to it. Drinking is a dull sheeplike addiction , people waste their lives doing it and never experience the joys of not drinking ever. Sad.