i have a folder in my email program called “To Write About” … every time i get an email that seems like it could be a good blog post, or if it’s something i can share in the daily micro emails, then i file it away. That folder, as of today, has 92 items in it.
The problem is that every single hour, my inbox gives me MORE good ideas. I don’t really know why, but i thought i’d share this today, just in case you weren’t aware that there are a LOT of good ideas in the world 🙂
It’s really a mindset of abundance. There is a lot of X and there’s more coming all the time. I’ve got 92 ideas with more coming. I have plans for new recipes to test with more coming. I just finished an amazing book and there’s another one coming. There’s a big ocean, and more coming every day. There’s a long day of sunshine, and then new daylight comes again tomorrow! It just keeps coming and coming.
when we’re drinking, we close ourselves off from the big world with all the good shit. We sit alone in a room (or alone in our skins) and we literally drown out the big world.
so yeah, when you first get sober, it’s like LITERALLY impossible to think of the world as both BIG and GOOD. At first, you can’t see a world at all (“I’m craving all the time, i feel like i’m climbing uphill by my fingernails”).
Then when you can see the bigness of the world, you’re overwhelmed instead of excited (“There’s too much to learn, too many choices to make, i’ll probably pick the wrong hotel”).
Thankfully there are enough occasional good days in early sobriety, that you can begin to get a tiny peek into the wowie goodness (“oh THIS is what they meant by sleeping well”).
later, another great realization comes, that feels like this:
“I feel like the world is a big amusement park, and i get to choose which rides i go on, and i get to decide how i spent my time among all of the great choices.”
yes there’s still laundry, and there’s still a snoring husband. but there are also flowers, cakes, laughs, videos, books, libraries, walks, and photos.
but let me say this. having grown up in a home where caution was preached and where the lack of abundance was demonstrated and reinforced, it takes a while to figure out that those views of the world aren’t the only truth. There’s enough ocean for everyone (and more coming every day). There’s enough good ideas for everyone (and more coming every day). There are enough passions for everyone (even if you can’t remember what yours is).
have you been drowning your passions so long that you can’t remember what they are, and you’re afraid that you don’t have one?
give up the booze, do a bit of recovery/uncovering, and … really … your passions are there. And there are more coming!
[i’m working on developing a passion workshop, so do you have any ideas for me? apparently i need more ideas about passions! ha…]
For the most part, I know I am acting on a passion when the clock seems to stop. In the operating room, I could swear 10 minutes have gone by, but it’s actually 2 hours. Same thing at home, when working on quilts or glass beads, or cooking, or….well, lots of things, actually. I have started setting my phone for the amount of time I have to work on something, so I don’t get so absorbed that I am late for something else!
The only place that connection falls down is with drinking. When drinking, time can also seem to pass quickly, but that’s probably because I am taking micro-naps. It’s funny how I couldn’t stay awake, but I could wake up enough to have another glass of wine. Go figure!
Lynda, thank you so much. I feel a huge hole but oddly it really helps knowing people understand.
Sadly, I know her well enough to know we will never make up. She is an all or nothing person and nothing I can do will make her my friend again. She basically said that to me in my many attempts to fix it. It hurts so badly and I know my “drinking thinking” and poor judgement while drunk was mostly to blame…. ugh. I have to make it mean something…. Sobriety is what that is to me.
Sara, you are so right, you do have to make it mean something and it sounds like you are doing just that. I am so very sorry; I too have lost good friends and the pain is deep and sincere; feel the hug I’m sending you. Sobriety is the way to make amends within your heart and know that it won’t happen that same way again-ever as long as Wolfie stays stuffed. Namaste
Today is my 6th day sober. In that time, my husband lost his job, I lost a best friend, I hosted a wine book club at my house, attended a happy hour with friends and made it though my first sober weekend since being pregnant 8 years ago. I did realize this month that there is never a good time to quit. Life keeps happening and wolfie will find a reason. It has been hard but find that if I shut up the “poor me talk”, I really have a good time being present and enjoying discussions. I am bored a lot, realizing I have too much time on my hands. I used to love to paint but it feels too daunting to start up again. I guess, once I get tired of staring at the wall and watching TV I’ll make it happen. I love your blog. Thank you so much!
…by losing a best friend, I don’t mean death…. she just chose not to be my friend anymore…
I am really feeling the abundance in the world, I appreciate so much the sunshine, that it is still light out when I leave work, that I have enough; enough clothing, enough food, a big enough house, enough friends. It is a good feeling, what is really the best feeling is realizing that I am so much less worried than I have been in years. One of the reasons I drank was to feel less anxious and at a certain point it stopped working, so I am happy to be here on day 90.
Sara I agree with what you said that there is never a good time. Life keeps happening no matter what. There is never a perfect time to stop. Good for you that you made it through all those social engagements during your first week, I was lucky, my boss changed my hours for a few days on my first week, so I was at work during dinner hour.
Sara Dee, that happened to me … it’s horrible . We made up but I’ll never feel the same … sad really, that deep down feeling of trust and acceptance has gone
I love to play tennis but when my drinking escalated the tennis declined. Now I am starting to feel more fit and able to handle the physicalness of it. Love that!
Perfect timing! I needed to be reminded about abundance and the fact that there is enough for everybody. In a job that is defined by fierce competition, it is all too easy to develop a scarcity mentality. Alcohol reinforced that feeling of lack and “less than”.
For me the early recovery was exactly like you said. No for me music always had been the big passion. But somewhere along the line it got mixed up with the drinking. So some years sober I was faced with the thought – “I really can’t do this without a drink – I never could – I was never good enough”… etc.
Luckily an old wise head wasn’t far away in AA. So guy who’d only discovered his musical passion and talent in sobriety invited me to join the “house band” for his 25th sobriety birthday bash. Too nervous, I couldn’t do it… could I? I did I turned up and played, some people complimented me. I looked to form a band, didn’t work and ended up almost by accident performing at an event in London totally solo – just me, a guitar, a mic and my songs. I got asked back, and offered another gig in another venue. I appeared on a radio show, I wrote and recorded an album – people from 1000s of miles away bought it! I was recently #1 in the slice of Reverbnation.com that I inhabit – a small feather but still I was #1 in the charts once I can now say.
I’ve been quiet musically the last year – I just didn’t have the oompf to do it but I’m playing in a band thing in the next month that has a definite performance date. I’m going to look up some more acoustic sets and air some material that I’ve not yet played live.
Just an example to those of you out there wondering what sober life is about… well for me it is about living the dream as a #1, international selling guitarist/singer/songwriter – what I dreamed of as a kid. Sadly if only I actually made enough to live on out of it and my life would truly be “living the dream”…