first i want to share this:
Janet (day 60): “OMG I was skiing along, doing well, thinking I had this sober thing down. When I sort of twisted my knee a tiny bit. I thought, well, if I have knee surgery I’ll never be active again, and then I’m going to stay drunk all the time (that’ll show them), and if I’m drinking life’s not worth living so I might as well end it. I fell down to the bottom of a deep dark hole, and it only took 30 seconds. On the most beautiful blue sky day in the mountains that I’ve seen in about 30 years.
How does anyone get sober without the experience of everyone who’s gone before them? Without knowing the Cherokee story about the two wolves, I would never have figured out how to get out of that hell hole. Or even seen what was happening. Skiing down the rest of the run, I kept saying “That fucker.” I’m shaking my head when I think about it.”
she really captures the distorted wolfie logic: my leg is sore, surgery, give up = drink. when i was still drinking, i had sliding thoughts like that all the time. “I’ve been sober for 3 days, this is harder than i thought, oh look i’m in the grocery store = drink.”
or “i’m going to do this differently, i’m going to quit wheat, go vegan, go to the gym 9 days a week, oh look i’m tired and overwhelmed = drink.”
once we figure out how to see the wolfie voice as separate from us (as a voice that is, in fact, not acting in our best interest), then we can say something like “yes wolfie, i hear you, but the answer is no” or “fuck you wolfie, that’s a terrible idea.”
an idea isn’t something we have to act on. it’s like a bit of fog that blows in. you can wave bye to the fog, say thanks for being here, and then watch the fog float on by, out of the picture. to be replaced with sober sunshine again.
yes, i know, it’s harder than all this. being sober is hard. i get it. i really do.
but what are the alternatives. pitch off the cliff every single time wolfie says “drink”?
instead we can reaching out, find someone who’s been there, who can help identify what’s wolfie and what isn’t.
if you think that you HAVE to cook with wine, then that’s wolfie. if you think you HAVE to go to the party, then that’s wolfie. If you think that you HAVE to walk by that store then that’s wolfie. you can go a different way, you can cook with chicken broth, you can stay home and drink tea and take really good care of you. really. everything else is wolfie.
~
There is just something about Wolfe that clicks with me. It gives the voice in my head a name and that name is not mine. I am 9 days sober today. In the past I had no issues staying sober for 3 or 4 days and then the voice in my head took over and by day 5, day 6 the latest, the voice won again and I was stopping at the liquor store on my way home from work. I can picture Wolfe and look at him and tell him no, FU, I am not screwing up my life. I love how I feel in the morning. I love how good that first cup of coffee tastes. In September my husband and I will be going on a 10 day European Cruse and I want to enjoy every sober minute of it and anytime the voice creeps back in I can picture Wolfe and tell him NO!
Starting at square one. After 11 days sober, I relapsed (badly) last night. I am so angry at myself. I am filled with regret and pushing that rock uphill today with a terrible hangover. However, I am now fully aware that I cannot moderate. I thought that after 11 difficult days, that I could. That was Wolfie talking. I didn’t recognize him. Wolfie said…you’re fine now. What he says is not true. One glass…my eye!
This is truth. I have a problem with alcohol. I am now also fully aware that drinking is way more difficult than being and staying sober.
I am starting over, today is Day 1. I have to read, breathe, take care of myself, reach out, and tell Wolfie to fuck off. He is going to try and trick me, but it won’t work. I remember how great I felt during those 11 days and I want it again and again and again.
Thank you to this community and to Belle for supporting me.
I was six weeks sober when we went to the beach for two weeks. I was scared that wolfie would rear his ugly head but no. It is attitude as Trish said. No one was going to make me have another Day 1! I watched the sun rise over the ocean in the mornings and the constellations in the sky at night. It was wonderful. I never would have appreciated those things drinking. Vacation is so much better sober. You guys can do this.
First off a huge congrats to you sober 50’s, and a big hug and high five to 100 days of Kirst! I’m right behind you, whoooh!!! As for vacation, Belles right, you will all feel so much different with more time under your belt. Lucky, clearheaded, richer, and all around fabulous. Last February I spent 10 days on vacation in the islands with a friend who drinks rarely and lightly. I indulged in wine and cocktails almost every day, and truth be told, was envious of my friend who felt so great at the beginning of every day. I wish I could go back and have started my sobriety then, it was such a beautiful trip but I was hiding my tired eyes, chugging water and coffee, and really questioning my drinking and all it’s time sucking, health robbing wastefulness. I say go for it, have a dream vacation without expensive drinks, miscommunication, and hangovers!
I’m in the same vacation “boat” going on a vacation the end of March and wondering also how to deal especially since I don’t think I will be able to read the blog…..I hope I am strong enough to deal with it. I am at day 22 now and I do feel great but it comes out of no where sometimes. I may write FUW on the inside of my wrist to remind myself .
Saying “fuck you Wolfe” and thinking about how bad the sewer of relapse is( which I’ve. Swam in about 100thosand times) works so much better for me than turning my drinking thoughts over to a power that I don’t really feel. Everything in this blog is working for me like nothing else ever has, and I’ve been on this road for 15 years. I am so grateful that I’m crying right now. Thank you, everyone, for helping me stay sober for 10 days. Today will be my 11th. Peace, marydean
yeah hooray for you! glad you’re here and that it’s working for you. keep reaching out… and really and truly swearing at wolfie is totally helpful.
Wheaty girl-you’ve got the right idea, just keep shoving Wolfie away and know that what you are getting is so much better than anything alcohol can offer. Congrats, marydean, on Day 11. Keep in touch; we’re here for you.
Oh how timely things always “seem” to be. I am living and breathing day 22. Feeling so much more alive. So much better in so many ways. The list to be alcohol free is much longer than the list to drink. In fact, as time goes on, the list to drink is disappearing. But then the last few days…….
Hubby and I are discussing vacation. Time to take some time in April. Our 30th year together too. Trips and vacation time in the past have been about eating, drinking and being merry. I am seeing my life unfold before me, changing habits, altering the way I do things, creating new normals. All of the firsts, so far, have been a success! Eating out without wine, sitting in my women’s circle and enjoying the afterglow without wine, having a weekend off without wine, coming home from work without wine in the evening, ……..
I read Belle’s post on 24 hours in a hotel room. Bliss. But the thought of doing that without treating myself to a bottle or two of wine results in me feeling that tug. In the past, 24 hours of self created bliss time/me time, would have surely involved that. And starting earlier in the day too….like at lunch….with a nice nap in between bottles.
And now. Vacation. I realized the other day when hubby and I were trying to talk about it and exploring possibilities and options , I started to have a meltdown and feel all this crazy anxiety. I realized it was coming from thoughts of vacation. How to do vacation alcohol free. What caused me great fear/anxiety/angst was all around the alcohol. How to do vacation now. Alcohol free? Allow myself to eat, drink and be merry and then go right back to my new way of living without alcohol? Wolfie says I could probably just drink on special occasions and not let that be a regular part of my life. Maybe I can be one of those people…find that person inside me….who can do that. But how hard would it be? Would it set off all kinds of madness? I remember reading here that most of you feel it is harder to moderate than it is to just stop altogether. Sigh.
Vacation dates are set. Now I have more work to do on how to manage the time. I so embrace waking up each morning now without that paralyzing fear that my life is being taken over and I am sinking with despair….without that horrible feeling of remorse. I want to make the right choice. So all of your postings here are very timely. I needed to give voice to my fears this morning. I am grateful that there is a place to do that here with all of you, thanks to Belle.
I am in the exact same boat;my husband and I are spending four days on the beach in May. How will I manage this with no wine? What IS a vacation without wine? And, even closer, is Valentine’s Day. I have “lived through” a sober lunch in a nice restaurant without drinking, but dinner??? How is that even possible? Well, will think about it later but today will revel in my Day 19 of sobriety.
Joan B.
do not worry about May now. you will be a completely different human with 3-4 more months sobriety behind you!
Last summer my husband took me on our dream vacation. Two weeks in Italy. I was six weeks sober. I wanted to be sober in Italy. I wanted to relish every moment. Ever sunrise and every sunset. Of the eight of us traveling together I was the only one drinking Pellegrino and I felt the most fortunate of the group. Attitude. It’s all attitude!
You will notice that you get stronger with sobriety. By April, it will be a no brainer as to how to have a great time without alcohol. In fact, you’ll be amazed at how much better your time will be because you’ll remember and enjoy everything.
You got this!!
gee, that’s exactly what I was going to say!
I am living through the exact same thing–stuck on a chair, waiting for my MRI tomorrow for my knee. Having my sweet husband wait on me (which is terribly difficult for me; I am a “doer,” not a taker). Last night, I asked him semi-seriously for a glass of wine. Thank heavens he said, “NO!”
Joan B.
You husband is a peach!
bizi
You are right Belle it is hard to be sober, but isn’t it harder to get up with a hangover and go through the day fighting the non stop battle with Wolfie? When you are sober he pops up less and less as you get stronger and stronger as he gets weaker. When you let him get to you the battle seems endless, and you give up because he knocks you down before you can ever get back on your feet. FUW go away and stay away! Niki