first i want to share this:
Janet (day 60): “OMG I was skiing along, doing well, thinking I had this sober thing down. When I sort of twisted my knee a tiny bit. I thought, well, if I have knee surgery I’ll never be active again, and then I’m going to stay drunk all the time (that’ll show them), and if I’m drinking life’s not worth living so I might as well end it. I fell down to the bottom of a deep dark hole, and it only took 30 seconds. On the most beautiful blue sky day in the mountains that I’ve seen in about 30 years.
How does anyone get sober without the experience of everyone who’s gone before them? Without knowing the Cherokee story about the two wolves, I would never have figured out how to get out of that hell hole. Or even seen what was happening. Skiing down the rest of the run, I kept saying “That fucker.” I’m shaking my head when I think about it.”
she really captures the distorted wolfie logic: my leg is sore, surgery, give up = drink. when i was still drinking, i had sliding thoughts like that all the time. “I’ve been sober for 3 days, this is harder than i thought, oh look i’m in the grocery store = drink.”
or “i’m going to do this differently, i’m going to quit wheat, go vegan, go to the gym 9 days a week, oh look i’m tired and overwhelmed = drink.”
once we figure out how to see the wolfie voice as separate from us (as a voice that is, in fact, not acting in our best interest), then we can say something like “yes wolfie, i hear you, but the answer is no” or “fuck you wolfie, that’s a terrible idea.”
an idea isn’t something we have to act on. it’s like a bit of fog that blows in. you can wave bye to the fog, say thanks for being here, and then watch the fog float on by, out of the picture. to be replaced with sober sunshine again.
yes, i know, it’s harder than all this. being sober is hard. i get it. i really do.
but what are the alternatives. pitch off the cliff every single time wolfie says “drink”?
instead we can reaching out, find someone who’s been there, who can help identify what’s wolfie and what isn’t.
if you think that you HAVE to cook with wine, then that’s wolfie. if you think you HAVE to go to the party, then that’s wolfie. If you think that you HAVE to walk by that store then that’s wolfie. you can go a different way, you can cook with chicken broth, you can stay home and drink tea and take really good care of you. really. everything else is wolfie.