From my inbox
me: so glad to hear from you, I’d love to be your sober penpal. Did you write that you’re day 4 on my blog? is that you? you’re already underway then 🙂 tell me, what are your non-alcoholic treats planned – do you have a drink of choice? I found that bitter drinks worked better for me (like grapefruit juice + tonic water + cranberry juice). someone else online bought fancy expensive bottled water… Good for you for reaching out 🙂 The missing ingredient (I think) that most of us don’t try until too much time has gone by, is support. Two people can push a truck uphill. One person can easily get squished by the truck rolling back on them… well, you know what I mean! I’m in Europe. so there may be a time change in me responding to you. but feel free to email as often as you like, and to say whatever you want… I’ll respond as I’m able. all best, Belle
JackM: Yes that was me who wrote day 4. I have purchased fizzy fruit juices to mix with seltzer in the evenings, I have been eating a lot of sugar too. Cookies, cakes – it can’t seem to end. Thanks about reaching out, I tired to go to an AA meeting, with 3 kids it’s kind of difficult. At least with the Internet I can find some community support, and when you had written that you’d always like a penpal, I said great! I like your truck analogy.
… It’s scary for me to think I will never have another drink. I mean really scary. But I also never want to have another hangover, the guilt and shame stinks too. I’m pretty hard on myself, and committing to quitting drinking and then drinking (i.e., failing) has left me with some pretty down days the last few months. I am on day 5 and really don’t want to go back, and it’s shocking how much more energy I have!
me: I think lots of sugar, especially to start, is totally normal and everyone will say the same thing – don’t worry about it, at least don’t worry about it for a long time, like 6 months at least! of course it’s scary to think you won’t drink again, because it’s too soon 🙂 Booze is like your friend still (or a bad boyfriend!) and you’re going through a breakup — for better or for worse. of course no one wants to quit forever, and frankly I tricked myself several times into quitting for 30 days and then 60 and now I’m just keeping going.
At day 5 sober, if someone had told me that I would one day reach a place where I didn’t want to drink, then I would have called bullshit. and yet I believe i’m there now and it didn’t take nearly as long as I thought it would (which is to say i thought it would never happen, and it did, which in itself is a miracle!). I’m just not interested in what booze romantically ‘promises’ versus what it actually ‘delivers’.
you are on day 5, you don’t want to go back. that’s all you need to know for now. forever will take care of itself.