From my inbox
me: so glad to hear from you, I’d love to be your sober penpal. Did you write that you’re day 4 on my blog? is that you? you’re already underway then 🙂 tell me, what are your non-alcoholic treats planned – do you have a drink of choice? I found that bitter drinks worked better for me (like grapefruit juice + tonic water + cranberry juice). someone else online bought fancy expensive bottled water… Good for you for reaching out 🙂 The missing ingredient (I think) that most of us don’t try until too much time has gone by, is support. Two people can push a truck uphill. One person can easily get squished by the truck rolling back on them… well, you know what I mean! I’m in Europe. so there may be a time change in me responding to you. but feel free to email as often as you like, and to say whatever you want… I’ll respond as I’m able. all best, Belle
JackM: Yes that was me who wrote day 4. I have purchased fizzy fruit juices to mix with seltzer in the evenings, I have been eating a lot of sugar too. Cookies, cakes – it can’t seem to end. Thanks about reaching out, I tired to go to an AA meeting, with 3 kids it’s kind of difficult. At least with the Internet I can find some community support, and when you had written that you’d always like a penpal, I said great! I like your truck analogy.
… It’s scary for me to think I will never have another drink. I mean really scary. But I also never want to have another hangover, the guilt and shame stinks too. I’m pretty hard on myself, and committing to quitting drinking and then drinking (i.e., failing) has left me with some pretty down days the last few months. I am on day 5 and really don’t want to go back, and it’s shocking how much more energy I have!
me: I think lots of sugar, especially to start, is totally normal and everyone will say the same thing – don’t worry about it, at least don’t worry about it for a long time, like 6 months at least! of course it’s scary to think you won’t drink again, because it’s too soon 🙂 Booze is like your friend still (or a bad boyfriend!) and you’re going through a breakup — for better or for worse. of course no one wants to quit forever, and frankly I tricked myself several times into quitting for 30 days and then 60 and now I’m just keeping going.
At day 5 sober, if someone had told me that I would one day reach a place where I didn’t want to drink, then I would have called bullshit. and yet I believe i’m there now and it didn’t take nearly as long as I thought it would (which is to say i thought it would never happen, and it did, which in itself is a miracle!). I’m just not interested in what booze romantically ‘promises’ versus what it actually ‘delivers’.
you are on day 5, you don’t want to go back. that’s all you need to know for now. forever will take care of itself.
Tomorrow is day 70 for me. Up until tonight I was “Wolfe” free. I so badly heard the howls as I drove past the store. Why now?
I couldn’t answer and I didn’t stop. I ate pie instead (3rd night I’ve had it as my dinner).
P.S. I never at sweets prior to sobriety.
Smoking, not dyslexia……
congratulations chris on stopping smoking! that is awesome!
Chris, when the time is right you will know. It will be very clear and evident to you that NOW is when, and if that moment comes and you hear and obey Success will be within your reach. There’s lots of support out here to help you. Best of luck. So happy about the smoking quit-that’s a huge deal !~!
Love your blog, still drinking, time just isn’t right for me.
Stopped smokimg 2 years ago with Allen Carr.
Chris, whenever you’re ready, there’s lots of support in the sober blogging world. there’s no good time to quit. there’s just a time when you decide that you’d like to feel better. hugs from me
I love this post! There’s a whole lot of tools needed for making big changes, and one of them, perhaps the most important, is support. Belle you offer that in spades, and in such a unique, thoughtful and honest way. It’s clearly touching hundreds, even thousands of people. You go girl!!! On that note, a huge congrats to Mo, MayaJune, Amy, Kellen, JMar, and Rebuilding Anne! I know how hard it is to get to 50, and I’m 3 weeks away from 100 myself. I look forward to the time when the scales are truly balanced away from any glamourous drinking thoughts, I’m getting there, slowly but surely. (:
I love your line, “I’m just not interested in what booze romantically ‘promises’ versus what it actually ‘delivers’.” I’ll be using that one for extra support! To JackM, it really helped me to not think about “forever” which is why the 100 day pledge made sense to me. It kept me from promising something as scary as forever (that I would fail to do anyway), but it took me beyond the punishing cycle of a few sober days followed by some serious binging/guilt/regret followed by another attempt at a few sober days, etc. You get the picture. Belle is great support for accountability, and her blog and the other sober blog sites are really, really good reading. Today is Day 30 for me (yay!!) and I can honestly say that the constant thinking about drinking/not drinking has pretty much disappeared. Just the occasional twinge. And when that happens, I have yet another new tool (booze romance vs booze reality) to help me get past it. Congratulations on 5 days!
I love the analogy of it taking 2 people to push a truck uphill. Support is SO important! Thank you for bringing that to us!
“Forever will take care of itself” seems like a great way of putting it.
There is no forever–only the now. In an odd way, quitting drinking is a good structure for attempting the Eastern emphasis on “be here now.” Or some call it mindfulness.
It (happily) happens to also bring the benefit of no more hangovers, less shame, etc.