“Today I choose to do whatever is necessary to live a sober lifestyle”

From my inbox:

Kelly (day 3): “Good morning Belle, Another successful day and evening.  I woke up this morning feeling much better than I have in awhile.  I thought about how nice it was not to have to have a mug of water at my bedside to ease the constant thirst attack.  I realized how much better I slept not having to wake up 3-4 times a night to go pee.  I realized that my mouth no longer feels like someone took a shit in it in the morning.  I realized that my face and belly don’t look/feel so bloated … I realized that I was able to stay up until 9:00 p.m. watching something the news and remember what I watched.  I realized that I had a phone conversation with a friend at 8:00 p.m. and can recall the details of that discussion.

But most of all, I realize how I have single-handedly harmed myself more than all the abusers/neglecters of my past.  I have a choice, I always did.  Today, I choose to stop poisoning my body and mind.  Today I choose to move forward and focus on today.  Today I choose to do whatever is necessary to live a sober lifestyle.  Today I choose to use the tools and reach out to those like you (and your followers) whenever I start feeling stuck and moving in the wrong direction.

Thank you, thank you, thank you Belle.  If there is a heaven, you are certain to have a front row seat.”

From me:

I got to run today! i can’t tell you how happy i am right now. after weeks and weeks and weeks of stooopid health stuff, i finally was given the green light to run again… now, don’t get all excited, i did something very light (10 x 1 minutes with walking in between) … but i’m not kidding, i feel like i could leap a tall building!

This is something i KNOW about me. I KNOW that i feel better when i run. it doesn’t even matter how long, 10 minutes is fine. I KNOW this to be true. And since this is a new year, i’m going to put my needs first this year (it’s about fucking time). I need to run to feel better. it’s not about weight loss (but losing pounds is nice) and it’s not about fitness (though surely that’s a lovely side-benefit, too). It’s about how I FEEL after I run. I feel successful. I feel like I’ve done something with my day. I feel more relaxed. I feel more even.

i run to control my mood. i’ve known that for a long time. it’s the fastest way i know to change my ‘state’ and to get myself out of a funky mood.

Other things that work for me (these things don’t work as well as running, but they still work): singing along to loud music, playing guitar, developing a new recipe that actually works, laughing, a big long bath, clean sheets.

your list might include patting a puppy, smelling a baby, or taking pictures in abandoned buildings (are you out there?).

and being a list-making girl, i like to make a list of things that can my mood. Because when i’m in a funky place i seem to forget what would make me happy!



i also did a subscriber podcast on changing states/moods, sort of like changing the channel on a radio. It’s SP#17 “Sleep & Changing the Channel.”




I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • So happy for you! Of all the things I lost to illness, running tops the list of things I miss most.

    Run for me and the rest of us who cannot. Leap cracks in the sidewalk as if they are hurdles. Prance and laugh and breath in the fresh air as if you may never get to run again. Because for all of us, one day our last run will happen. We just don’t always know which one it is.

  • my mood lifters: running, sleep, being up early before the rest of the family so I can spend time on the sober blogs 🙂

    Montezuma’s Chilli and Lime Chocolate – it is too spicy to have more than a couple of squares but those couple of squares will turn your head around in a goooooood way!

    Visiting a relative in her dementia care home, which is full of elderly people whose minds have left the building 🙁

    Reminds me that life is too precious to be wasted being wasted.

    Hurrah for you running again, Belle! xx

  • Movement is huge for me too–running, hiking, yoga. (Tried my first FlyWheel spin class yesterday and the jury’s still out on that…) Also reading (what a luxury to have so much reading time!), browsing in bookstores, playing with my dog, baths, saunas, cooking, movie matinees, buying new lipstick that looks exactly like all my old lipstick…and yeah, FarmVille 2. 🙂

  • Wow so many of us love the clean sheets. My mood lifters are patting, brushing and walking my dogs and grooming my horses. I also love sitting in front of the fire reading all these great blogs or a book. As well no head aches or just feeling like poop.

  • So glad you got to run! I am still waiting for the energy to get back in the gym. It’s still nap time all the time- but my day will come.

    My list… Super sets- hugging my puppy- kundalini yoga- guided meditation- popcorn- cleaning my car- baths- swimming- steam rooms- farmers markets- and buying new hair/bath products that smell amazing!

  • Yoga! The sweaty kind. Birdwaching, walking, eating coockies, having cleaned the house (not the cleaning itself but when it’s done). Cooking, yes. Blogging!
    Taking a long hot shower with lots of lovely expensive showergel & shampoo. Saying/mailing something nice to someone. Giving husband an unexpected kiss.
    Thinking about how good it is not to drink and finally really realizing: I don’t miss something good. (Still I DO miss it sometimes, but now I know it’s Wolfie)
    Saying: Fuck You Wolfie out loud.

  • I so very enjoy the chronicles of your interactions with others. I have, in the past, expressed my appreciation and admiration for the role that you play in so many peoples’ lives and today I think of it as you being a mentor and an accountability partner. Such a sense of fulfillment it is that I hope you feel.
    Please keep giving of yourself in whatever capacity you see fit. It is a beautiful thing.

  • Things that make me happy: taking photos (often in abandoned buildings), reading (something I can’t do at all if I’m drinking because I can never remember what I’ve read and end up having to reread entire pages or chapters), cooking healthy and yummy food, playing with my cat and getting at least 8 hours of restful sleep.

  • Tennis, dancing (two step, swing, etc.), reading – goal is 24 books this year, travel (might be in Italy in March!), learning a different language, playing word games (scrabble, words with friends) and my newest addiction since sobriety = candy crush. I highly recommend that you don’t start that one – it is just another addiction. No walking right now – too snowy but I have plenty of shoveling to do this morning. Day 33 here I come.

  • Having just enjoyed nine hours of uninterrupted, deep-enough-to-dream sleep, I’d have to say sleep is definitely one of my top five insanity antidotes. But like everyone else, movement (walking for me) is at the top of my list. Add to that reading good books, road trips, and swimming. And like Kelly said, remembering last night is awesome! So glad you are able to run again, Belle. 🙂

  • Things that release endorphins for me are bicycling, kayaking, flyfishing and choral singing. Anything that pumps the blood and moves air is great for ones mood.

  • Totally agree with you on movement helping moods — walking fast does it for me — too much ice and snow here so I’m on the treadmill twice a day, but it’s what this body and mind needs — stupid tv and creative dvds help immensely!

  • There is a group of streakers on Facebook. Running streaks that is… All you need to do to participate is run at least 1 mile a day. Idk if you are able to start streaking now but I thought you might like the fun if it since we are all sober streakers here.

    I’m on day 13 of my running streak, and been running my life sober for 153 days! Woo hoo! -Victoria

    Sent from my iPhone

    • I’ll have to look it up! Signing up for a 4 mile mud run in March! Need to begin training! Did 1.5 miles shuffling last week! Back to my workout routine 6/7 days! Feeling great on day 36!

  • I’m happy that you can run again. On my list of things that improve my mood greatly- walking, sewing and reading.

    • hahahaha you really are there : ) good to know. no more lurking. we want to hear your voice. well i want to hear from you. yes, it’s all about me.

      • Yes I’m here, always have been. I read every post and email. Ok, no more lurking. Number 9 (that’s me right?) is officially back. So happy for you Belle that your ticker is good and that you can run again! Hugs