imagining a loss that’s not even likely to occur

I’m getting lots of emails about FUTURE events. what about christmas eve? what about that weird party that i don’t want to go to that is in 3 months?

it’s ALL wolfie.

here’s an example:


MB (day 4):  “This morning I received an email from a dear friend, just a hello, but it made me recall all the fun times we’ve had together that have involved drinking. That brings a much more potent anxiety — losing my part in a great old group of friends by becoming a nondrinker. I know it’s a myth. But it evokes a strong sadness and fear. Just trying to look into why that is. Very grateful for your ear.”

me: “wolfie does like to torture us with ‘future’ events… it’s entirely possible that your friends won’t give a shit that you’re not drinking, they’ll just be glad to see you. Well… it’s possible. :)”

MB: “I expect they would continue to love me even while I’m sober, yes. I can see I’m imagining a loss that’s not even likely to occur. And then using that out-and-out fantasy to nudge myself toward drinking. Wiley! Thank you.”


and that wolfie? he is wiley, like wiley coyote. He says stuff that you think is true, and it just isn’t. I’m going to lose ALL of my friends (not true). I’m going to hate Christmas Eve if i have to do it sober (just not true at all). I’m going to have a future episode in three months that will tip me over, so i might as well drink now (really really not true, cuz in 3 months you’ll have 90 MORE SOBER DAYS under your belt and you have no idea how good that’s gonna feel).

wolfie. he’ll say just about anything.

and for me, the only thing that helped me sort out the difference between what was really ME and what was wolfie, was to listen to what other boozers said. They’re tuning in the same radio station of wolfie? Then it’s not me. Time to change the channel.


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Wolfie slyly uses our current crop of anxieties to entice us to think about and do things we know we shouldn’t and every note I read here that tells me another success story at beating that bastard pumps me up with desire to do my best, drive to keep on the sober path and the urge to share my tales too in the hopes that somewhere it will ring true for someone. As all our stories do-on levels we never see or hear about but know that they exist.

    Love the Beep Beep
    Sober Car Coming Thru
    Beep Beep.

    So many of us are quitting that at every event I can find one or more others who have decided not to indulge that evening or afternoon for whatever reason. The reasons are as varied as the folks telling them. Comparing is great fun.

  • Hello everyone….I have to say after almost six months sobriety, that yes, some people actually don’t even give a fuck that you’re not drinking or even notice. YOU might also be surprised to see how many others are not drinking that you didn’t notice before. Some people notice and I find those are usually the fellow alcoholics. In my experience howvever, that’s all they’re doing….noticing..not admonishing or shaming or taunting. Often they’re curious and then you can see the look of discomfort when you talk about the event that caused you to stop and they realize they just did that last night….take lots of bathroom breaks, hang by the sugar and coffee, and I find if I can find something at the party that requires focus (a puzzle trivia, dish washing, etc) it helps pass the time. Or, if you’re not code pendent like me just say you don’t wanna go!

  • I too have been a bit stressed…Work party (I am my bosses drinking buddy!), hubby’s work party (but I have decided IF I go I am DD but happens to fall on my 42nd birthday) and cookie exchange which is the same night as hubby’s Christmas party, which happens to be my birthday!! AAAGGGGGHHHHH!!! But I just went and had lunch with my step daughters, my new step grandbaby and I drank unsweetened ICE TEA!! YAY ME!!! I am getting ready to go to the gym in the AFTERNOON!!! WOW!! Yes the wolf has been chasing me but I opened the passenger side door and knocked him out! Go Me!!!

  • I love reading everyone’s posts because they resonate with me. That is what is getting me through this. I am fortunate that my group of friends will accept me for who I am – drinking has not been the center of our relationships. I have been somewhat of a closet drinker – love to sit alone and drink a bottle of wine. I have a lot of alcoholism in the family – my father drank himself to death when I was in my 20’s, my brother just died 6 weeks ago from drinking at the age of 61. I was married to an alcoholic for 20 years. Wolfie comes to visit me with family sadness and dysfunction. Then I start to beat myself up for all the bad decisions I have made throughout my life. Lots of those bad decisions could have been thought through more effectively without the effects of alcohol. I am trying to let it go. Both of my kids drink too much and wolfie would say that it is my fault. I am trying to stand up to that type of anxiety and focus on taking care of myself. I want to make good decisions and I want to think clearly about who I am. I want to have a bucket list and actually do the things on that list – rather than drink everyday and say I will get to them tomorrow. Today is only day 11 for me. I should rephrase that – I have not had a drink for 10 days and today when I tuck myself into bed it will be 11. It is morning for me right now and I have the whole day ahead. Just today, one day. I hope yours is good, healthy and strong. katiebelle

    • I’ve been going through the same thing. I’m 25 days sober. The party invitations have started & it is stressing me out. Drinking is a given to where we mostly go. I’ve always been a big drinker at the parties & frankly I don’t know how to have fun unless I’m buzzing. I’m afraid I’m going to be bored & left out. One party this weekend that I was stressing out about got cancelled!! Yay for me! Lol. I’m not ready for that yet.

    • So sorry for your loss katiebelle–good for you for using it to make you stronger. Sending you lots of positive thoughts–congrats on day 11

  • Go MB! I can totally relate to your post. So, so much.
    And its true, I agree with Belle- this is just another sneaky version of wolfie (or in my case, mr. tick…). I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but I try really hard to stay as in the present moment as much as possible when I start worrying about a future event or feeling grief and sadness about not drinking (and i experience these feelings a lot). I remind myself that I’ll deal with the future whenI get there, and that the best way to spend my energy is to not drink in this very moment…