imagining a loss that’s not even likely to occur

I’m getting lots of emails about FUTURE events. what about christmas eve? what about that weird party that i don’t want to go to that is in 3 months?

it’s ALL wolfie.

here’s an example:

~

MB (day 4):  “This morning I received an email from a dear friend, just a hello, but it made me recall all the fun times we’ve had together that have involved drinking. That brings a much more potent anxiety — losing my part in a great old group of friends by becoming a nondrinker. I know it’s a myth. But it evokes a strong sadness and fear. Just trying to look into why that is. Very grateful for your ear.”

me: “wolfie does like to torture us with ‘future’ events… it’s entirely possible that your friends won’t give a shit that you’re not drinking, they’ll just be glad to see you. Well… it’s possible. :)”

MB: “I expect they would continue to love me even while I’m sober, yes. I can see I’m imagining a loss that’s not even likely to occur. And then using that out-and-out fantasy to nudge myself toward drinking. Wiley! Thank you.”

~

and that wolfie? he is wiley, like wiley coyote. He says stuff that you think is true, and it just isn’t. I’m going to lose ALL of my friends (not true). I’m going to hate Christmas Eve if i have to do it sober (just not true at all). I’m going to have a future episode in three months that will tip me over, so i might as well drink now (really really not true, cuz in 3 months you’ll have 90 MORE SOBER DAYS under your belt and you have no idea how good that’s gonna feel).

wolfie. he’ll say just about anything.

and for me, the only thing that helped me sort out the difference between what was really ME and what was wolfie, was to listen to what other boozers said. They’re tuning in the same radio station of wolfie? Then it’s not me. Time to change the channel.