top Numero Uno benefit of being sober

Here’s an extract from yesterday’s open call. You can listen to the complete recording here.

(13:00) “If you had to pick one top Numero Uno benefit of being sober, what would it be?”

I think it would be being able to count on myself. Because part of what i hated about drinking was the promises that I made to myself that I would have one, or none, or two [drinks], or that I would skip a night – and really not being able to do it. And I thought that the problem was with me. I thought I didn’t have enough willpower, that I didn’t want it bad enough. It never occurred to me that the alcohol was additive, or making me dependent, or making me feel needy, or that wolfie would act up [if I drank] and then settle down. None of that occurred to me. Never occurred to me. Ever.

The only thing that ever occurred to me was that I was a fuck-up and could not get my shit together. … the noise in my head was grim. it doesn’t even really matter what you present on the outside, it’s how you feel about you on the inside.

So the number one biggest benefit of being sober is all of that stopped. It all stopped. All of the “why aren’t you good enough … other people seem to be able to drink socially … other people seem to be able to quit … are you going to turn out like those other family members that are alcoholics?”

“No, no, of course. No no, I’m not an alcoholic.” [I’d say to myself]. “I just drink every night. I’m not an alcoholic. I could quit. Well I can’t really quit. Well quitting is actually really hard.”

It never occurred to me that I could actually feel better about myself if could stop drinking. It was a fiction.

There are of course lots of other benefits to being sober: fewer regrets, less shame, spending less money, consuming fewer calories.

But knowing that i can count on myself is kind of the best part for me (so far!). and you?