written last night, 11:02 pm
good grief. I just had to listen to one of my own podcasts to calm myself down.
it started with an (innocent?) thought like: “I never really tried moderation and so maybe it’d be good to try it.”
woflie got wicked clever, and said:
“you’ve created a ‘self help group for people who aren’t alcoholics who probably don’t even really have a problem’, just so that they can feel special about themselves (so you can feel special about yourself), when really you could probably moderate and so it’s time to get over yourself and just have a glass of wine.”
and then I thought “holy I need an attitude adjustment.”
and now I feel better thank god.
I seem to have shut wolfie up by making a deal that I can drink in 2 months if nothing changes (that seems like a random amount of time doesn’t it? – well it’ll put me at 18 months)
and I realize that 2 months is a long time and a lot can happen between now and then.
I want a bakery, and I won’t be able to have one if I’m drinking
something else large is about to happen and I’m going to miss it if I’m drinking
I am sober so that I can have a bakery. I am going to directly link one to the other. It’s a good “reason why” – like why be sober? that’s my why. For tonight, that will have to do.
sober penpal responded last night but i’d already gone to bed (tks sharon):
See I told you how helpful those podcasts were. … I have heard that sober anniversaries can be trigger days. “Sure I’ve been sober for 1 month, 1 year, 5 years, I’m sure I can moderate now.” Do you think your 16 months had anything to do with wolfie talking?
No moderation, one glass is one bottle is two. I’m convinced the wolf hides its babies in wine bottles.
You’ve created a self help group of people who are alcoholics and really have a problem, just so they can have a place to go and a person to talk to who listens to their tales of shame and self loathing. A place where someone has been through it and can offer comfort and advice.
I love your advice about give it a day or a week or 2 months to see what changes.
So it’s time to start building a sober bakery where they don’t serve wolves or assholes or asshole wolves.
Now you can call the bakery Wicked Wise Bad Ass Belle’s
and my response to her this morning when i woke up
and then it’s the next morning and all is well! I’m going to bake some yummies between coaching calls today, and then I’m going to TAKE the baking to a restaurant serving bad baking, and I’m going to say “your baking could taste like this …”
and I’m going to make pumpkin cinnamon rolls maybe with apple and stuff, can’t tell yet.
all is well 🙂
let me close with this.
wolfie, your anus-ness isn’t welcome here. go take your shit somewhere else. I’ve got tools. I can email someone, i can agree to wait, and i can sleep.
we are stronger than you are when we fight as a team.
and wolfie? you can blow me.