shitty, tired, what’s next, vacation.

Belle accountability, the good sober life, thinking

still feeling pretty tired. the first 2 days after the wedding catering, i felt like i had jetlag. like i was in a foreign country, awake when i should be asleep, not even sure what day it was.

monday i went back to work. tuesday i went for a run and was tired of all of the leftover food in my fridge. today i’m back to catering again for 2 days.  this weekend we have another smaller event for 40 guests.

i must say that i’m super very grateful that i have a longer period of sobriety under my belt. cuz this kind of catering-induced fatigue, overwhelm, and ‘when will it ever end’ feeling i’m having about food preparation seems endless.  I know i often feel like this mid-way through something large.  I start to say negative things to myself like “this sucks, i’m never doing this again, i’m quitting right after this job.”

interesting, i never quit in the middle of the job. i know enough to finish before i can contemplate quitting. i seem to be capable of plugging through shitty bits, knowing that later i’ll feel better about everything.

i don’t know when i figured this out, this ability to delay making decisions while feeling shitty.

while feeling shitty, i just keep going. then of course, when it’s over, i say “whoa that was a lot of work, let’s have a vacation. what’s next?”

speaking of which. vacation. london. sunday october 13th. who wants to meet up for tea and cake?

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I wish I could join you in London -it’s around my birthday time! So much to catch up on, but I am still getting my act together to come back here. All is well – great, in fact, and I am coming back soon to blogging world once again!!

    I used to cater, and I know that bone-drenching tired feeling of ‘why did I take this on’? or whatever made me thing I’d want to do this?? I feel for you – but now, vaca!

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  • That is an excellent thing to work on (delaying decisions while feeling shitty, that is). I am trying my hand at it. I HAVE quit things in the middle before, and it never feels very good.

    Yay for vacation getting closer, and London sounds lovely.
    ~Jen

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