I drank to be numb, *not* to have a glass of wine with dinner (no matter what I said)

Today is my wedding anniversary. I also announced to clients that i was ‘retiring’ from Job #2 … Lots of emails flooded my inbox.  “I wish you and Mr. Belle the best in all that you do. You have inspired me to take a chance and follow one of my dreams. Flexibility, adaptation, rolling with the punches, and keeping at your dreams are part of thinking and coloring outside the lines … which may take you on an unplanned journey that may be better than the original plan!” [Little does she know!]

“Congratulations, on your ‘retirement’.  And thank you, for all the ways in which you teach and inspire me.”

In fact, I got a lot of ‘congrats’ emails. I am very surprised by the kind response. And the only people who are ‘sad’ that I’m shutting down shop are those people who are sort of sad by nature…

One guy did sent me this message: “I never did use your service but enjoyed the free calls a few times.  Once you get beyond cranking out food for dollars or euros, remember your true skill is in communications with other people … you do have that Gift.”

[Again, really? This kind of feedback just comes out of nowhere sometimes! You think you’re selling one thing and then the clients remind you that you’re really offering something else …]

OK. So i guess retiring Job #2 isn’t very devastating (!). I explained to them some of what I have going on in my life (baking / catering), and I showed some lovely photos of food … so 95% of responses have been super positive. Who knew? Should have fucking shut this down a LONG time ago.  At least a year ago.  Well, there’s no time like the present… Onward!

Now. Let’s move on to the subject of sobriety, shall we?

I got this email from a Team 100 member:

“Sorry I’ve not been e-mailing you.  I’m still sober with no breaks in my sobriety.  I am just finding it easier to not spend too much time thinking about being AF. When I was e-mailing every day, I began to have some “ideas” about drinking in moderation but that is not what I want … I don’t want to have to worry about controlling my alcohol intake.  I want my freedom from it.  Any suggestions?”

And here’s my answer:

You do your thing 🙂 If you don’t want to email every day, that’s fine.  I’ll probably still periodically check in on you if it’s been too long!

The ideas of moderation may float into your head from time to time, especially if you’re distancing yourself from the sober blogs etc (where someone is always talking about failed attempts to moderate)!

And really, it’s not that we CAN’T moderate, it’s that it sucks to moderate.  It’s brutally hard, and not terribly enjoyable, and usually deteriorates into over-drinking pretty quickly.

Me, I drank to be numb, *not* to have a glass of wine with dinner (no matter what I said, this is the truth).

The only freedom I know from the feeling of wanting to drink, is a continuous and longer period of sobriety.  It really does start to feel much better after the first 100 days.  By the time you’re at 6 months sober you’ll literally be a completely new human.  Then at one year sober, your head will fly off with how free you feel and you’ll wonder why anyone would ever drink, ever…That shit is poison … Look how it ruins so many people’s lives …

Bracelets: A new shipment of Fuck You Wolfie bracelets are on the way … There are 14 available here. And there are 2 ‘Stay Here’ bracelets here.

Team 100 Update: There are a freaking huge number of people who’d like to be sober.  We’re up to 240 members, welcome to Bridget (10), Cat (7), Rosie (4), JacksterT (6), GM (5), Taylor (7), Mart (5), Angie (3), Melanie (3), Mike (5), Azure Sky (19), and Jill (day 1). Happy days to Paula (100 today!), Lawyer Anne (150), Lilly (125), KT (130), Cam (120), Sara (110), Sarita (77), runningfromthebooze (81), Erinup (60), Emm Cee (71), Cheryl (4), Marie (20), Nic (10).

PS/ egads, I just got this ‘retirement’ email in my inbox: “Thank you. You have been a study of energy, creativity and excellence! You absolutely know how to ‘make things happen’. What an inspiration you are to other women everywhere.”

Holy fuck batman. My husband is out getting dinner for our ‘anniversary feast’ – i’ll have to translate some of this for him. He was so nervous about me shutting down job #2.  Well, the universe has spoken. Onwards I say. Onwards.  Holy fuck batman …


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Hope you enjoyed a wonderful anniversary dinner and evening with Mr. Belle. I so appreciate your words, your enthusiasm, and your generosity with your time to all of us. I hope I can be a mentor to someone else that seeks sobriety just like you have mentored all of us!


  • Just awesome, Belle. You’re in a wonderful place, & good on you 🙂

    Happy anniversary.

    All those comments are magnificent, and deserved.


  • Happy Happy Anniversary to you and Mr Belle. I love a sober celebration of love and life. And YAY to you for quitting a job. I am a firm believer in only working as much as is absolutely necessary and enjoying the rest of the time as if it were our retirement. You’re sounding like that more and more !~! Good deal, Banana Peel.

    • thanks lynda, i’m exactly the same. i work as much as I need to, to support the life we want to have. then i stop… and read a book in the park! Know what I mean Jelly Bean?

  • Happy anniversary and happy “job 2” retirement, Belle! I’m glad you’re getting all the support you need in these big decisions. You certainly are a case study in creativity and energy! (And I’m with you, I also drank to be numb, but not being numb is a whole hell of a lot better.)