Quitting drinking is like getting out from underneath a manhole cover. It’s big and weighty and threatens to slam back down on us if we’re not careful.
When we’re in the sewer (drinking) and we’re covered by the manhole cover, we’re in a known state. It smells, the view is terrible. It’s dark. There’s no future. There is only regret and heartache.
When we get out of the sewer, and we stop drinking, at first we look over our shoulder and see the stinky sewer drinking hole behind us. We let the manhole cover slam into place, and then we’re standing alone in the sunlight. Quite terrified.
We try to explain the sewer and the cover and the desperation to normal drinkers, and they don’t really understand.
So we slowly, block by block, day by day, begin to walk AWAY from the hole behind us. With or without sober tools, or support, or any idea of what the fuck we’re doing.
And now there are two choices.
We can continue to look back at the sewer. Keep checking how heavy the cover is. Sample the delicious aroma of the sewer. Or we can walk forward. Into the unknown. Into a forecast where it will be sunny with cloudy periods.
Yes, bad crap still happens in the sunny place (money, kids, job, health). And yes, you might be tempted to turn around and look longingly at the sewer. You’ll think that maybe it’d be a good idea to go back there, just for a minute, because at least it’s dark and quiet and stinky and depressing and familiar in there …
But my darling, let me say this clearly:
Booze isn’t a solution to a problem. It’s a very temporary pause button with horrendous consequences. It’d be like turning to heroin. It isn’t the right solution for the problem.
You might need time off, help, someone to talk to, a break, to cry, to yell, to vent, to write, to run, to sleep. You may not know yet what you need to do to feel better.
But with 100% certainty, slamming your hand in the manhole cover (drinking) isn’t a solution.
I agree you need some solutions. You don’t need to add problems.
Let’s find you a solution.
Booze isn’t a solution to a problem.
Nobody wants a temporary pause button with horrendous consequences!
Walk away.
Walk away from the hole
This makes perfect at sense so far. The manhole cover is just a temporary place to hide horrible as it is, but it will be harder coming out of it a second time. And nothing will be better
I’m always thankful when you reframe booze as “a sewer” or something equally as disgusting. All around us, booze is portrayed as glamorous, relaxing, beautiful, sophisticated. It’s easy to say “damn, I want the glamorous, relaxing, beautiful thing!” but nobody says “I would really like to get back down in the sewer!!!” Which is exactly where booze will take us, given the chance. Thanks for reminding us that we climbed out of the smelly place, and we don’t have to go back. There’s nothing good for us back there.
Absolutely right!
Brilliant
Love this analogy because it is truth. If the Sun is too bright then wear sunscreen or put on a hat but don’t descend to the depths once again, it’s too dangerous.
All this is soooooo true and just speaks to me, but then I don't understand why I go back go the sewer when I know how bad it is
Booze will lie, cheat and steal to try to win you over to its side. AND it is just.like emerging from the sewers depths, heading for the manhole cover ,reaching, reaching, then retreating back into the wretched, filthy darkness.
But you can escape. Find the solution.
Try again. It might take many attempts. But don't sink back to the sewer. Reach for help. It is here.
You don’t have to stick your head in a garbage
can to know that it stinks
I saved this so I can reread in the moments of doubt that always creep up. Thanks
Needed to read this today. Look puffy today with wine and extra sugar
I LOVE THIS ANALOGY!! Thank you so much for sharing it <3
A very profound analogy, indeed. Thank you💕
Thanks I need that this morning Day 2 of not drinking slept almost 10 hrs last night , my smart watch gave me a 84 rating and said i had a lot of REM sleep , I do feel much better today , going for a swim
Brilliantly written
One of my favorite truths I heard in early recovery: "There's no problem so bad that drinking won't make it worse."
This analogy is something I often think about and is a major part of why I'm sober today
Belle, I tried all the books about not OVERdrinking, and trying to moderate with water between every drink, etc,etc…… When I saw 'Tired of Thinking About Drinking', that's what really resonated with me. My daughters have both been addicts for decades, one is finally, finally clean, the other might be, but I'm not positive. They thought I couldn't really be an alcoholic, but I see I've had the tendencies my whole life (my dad was an alcoholic too). They thought it was strange that it took the first attempt to get me sober, but they didn't know about all those struggles for decades…
That was the best title EVER!
Thanks again, Belle
I'm definitely looking for solutions to the cloudy periods. I know alcohol is a trip to sewer-land.
Your analogies are do spot on and writing so hilarious, yet helpful and inspiring.
Thank you 🙂
'Normal' drinkers don't understand. Other overdrinkers do, but often don't want to face it. They try to persuade you that you don't have a problem. So they can feel better.
But I'm learning to look after me.
I keep asking myself what am I so afraid of. I don’t even remember how I got a string of 10 days 2 years ago. Now it’s become SUCH a habit that I can’t see through to stop. I halfway don’t want to and I guess because it feels comfortable like a best friend or a safety blanket but safe from what?? I’m a generally happy person these days. Are there uncertainties in my life?…of course but nothing horrible it life altering. xo
most of us don’t want to quit drinking. but we want the consequences of drinking to stop. that’s normal. that you can’t quit for longer than a couple of days, though, is a sign that your addictive voice is louder than you realize…
Belle you are truly a breath of fresh air to my oldish sozzled body. I had stopped drinking for 5 days when I came across your book. I’d read some other terrifying sober books that did not resonate with me; just too many “I’ve just crawled out of a cess-pit, fallen down the stairs, crashed the car while drunk, blacked out yet again” etc. I wanted to scream “just get to the point!” And tell me what to do! So I’m on my 8th day sober, second read through your book; still scared and nervous but hopeful. I see the book came out in 2016 so hope you are still online in 2023. 🙂 Patti in Australia. PS have already bought the Wolfie book.
I just downloaded your book and followed the link here. I’ve just started university as a mature student, staying in a flat near the campus. On my own. Not a good setup for me – being away from home pushes all my insecurity buttons. And no one checking up on me. I’ve missed two days because of drinking. I know if I carry on I will fail at this which will be a terrible shame and a waste after all the hard work and effort to get here. I need a drastic change because everything I’ve tried so far has t worked. Today is my last day 1.
I found your name and blog in Catherine Gray‘a book.
After reading your emails for a while bought your audio book the other day and finished listening to it today. Went to links and read this post (the first link on your list).
I found myself finishing alcohol I had in the house last night. Was very proud of myself for 1). not drinking the night before as it was the eve of a long dental appointment to install bridges in my implants so I can wave farewell to a removable partial denture that I had to put up with since June 2002; 2). being able to pay cash for the bill, 1/3 of which was from my Russian pension account (which was tricky given the war going on in Europe). I totally agree, ‘celebrating’ these awesome events by pouring alcohol on my head is lunacy, but like so many others, I don’t have easily accessible and reliable ways to celebrate. Yet. Don’t want to pick under the manhole cover any longer. Utterly hope today is my last day one. Was totally blown away by your reason to get pen pals – I want that kind of sobriety insurance too!
On day 49 of your 100 day challenge today and clicked onto this link from your book! Hi Belle! x
I just bought this book tired about thinking of drinking. I am only in part 1 and saw this blog. I have not given up drinking but I really want to. I have been drinking consistently for years. Always functioned, went to work did some chores so I felt I didn’t have a problem. I have been very happily married for 33 years but throughout the last two have been drinking more. My wonderful husband has been so good but now had enough of my drinking. Understandable. He said he can’t take much more but happy if I seek help and try and quit. This book so far is inspirational … I am an alcoholic and want to be sober.
Thank you for the mancover analogy and the blog and sending me this link today, because I needed it. I am responsible for my own happiness, yes, and also for reaching out for help! I searched and found your blog. I’m grateful for you and your 100-day challenge, all your insights, everyone’s insights.
It’s become my morning ritual to come back and read this one 🙂
: )
Another fabulous post by the inimitable Belle. How blessed are we to be able to access your wisdom and your experiences and apply them t o our own lives ?~! We don’t have to re-invent sobriety, you steer us there with certainty and support.
Happy 100 days Leah and Elle; here’s to the next hundred !~!
you are so, so, terribly kind. Thanks for this.
You’re welcome. Words are inadequate to express how important a job you are doing here. I think of how my journey may have been made less lonely with the Web and you and others like you who have this gift. AA didn’t appeal to me and so I stumbled thru it mostly alone and made it, don’t get me wrong; but with this type of support it would have been a lot different and that’s the blessing that I see you are to the 100 club and who knows how many other lurkers…
I love this. If you look at it this way drinking is NEVER a good idea. I hope I can get to that place eventually! I am patient. I am patient. I am patient. 🙂
Oh MAN is this exactly what I needed to read right now. BOOM. Thanks B. I have been meaning to blog about the fact I’ve been struggling with the ‘will I drink now’ and ‘is this forever’ and ‘what next’ thoughts and realised I need to stay close to the sobersphere and read and post and comment and get my head back on right and I log in and here is this perfect post.
LOVE with an extra <3 on top
Lilly xoxox
I agree with you Susan…”that it’s my responsibility for my own happiness”! I think that’s awesome that at 39 days you can feel compassion rather than shame for drinking. It took me a long time to let go of the shame and guilt and ‘what a bad person I was for getting so lost’ feeling. Freedom is exactly right! Isn’t it so nice?! 🙂
Belle that is a great metaphor! EXACTLY! It was dark down there and I never want to go back there. I chose sunny days with periods of clouds for sure!
Congrats on 100 days to Elle and Leah!!! Hugs!
Yes, yes, yes. YES. Sometimes (OK, a lot) I think it might be a good idea to drink; but then I grudgingly (at first) admit that it’s simply not a solution. And, that takes the pull of the buzz away, enough for me to even more clearly think (and feel really, really grateful to myself for making the right choice again), Yeah, NO, drinking is the opposite of solution–like you said, a big fat pause button. I’m tired of pausing! I want to hear the rest of the song!
Damn I love your writing and analogies. Will have to come back later and read this one again!
“C”
Very good analogy.
I agree with Sharon. That’s great. Thanks for another way of looking at sober life 🙂
I love the manhole, sewer analogy, I’m committing that to memory. Thanks.