This morning I woke up, drank a glass of water, and put on my running clothes. Encased in spandex, I look like a tube of toothpaste that has been squeezed in the wrong places, parts of me blurting out here and there where they aren’t supposed to be. I laced up my shoes. I said to my husband: “today is going to be good day, even if i have to force it.”
and he says — literally, i couldn’t make this shit up — “it’s already a good day. You don’t have to force it.”
he is completely infuriating at times, but he has a unique way of living very much in the present with continuous, unending optimism that is medicine for a chick like me.
i go for my run. Mr. Belle makes coffee and then makes breakfast. it’s sunny. it’s a big catholic holiday (Assumption … who knew?) and so things are quiet in the city today.
And then I got an email from the catering client, in response to my apology for being late on Tuesday: “… no worries. Things happen especially in [our big city]. We had a great evening and everyone loved the food.”
sigh. my eyes squirt a tear or two. All that angst. For nothing.
Then I get an email from a Team 100 who is also a caterer: “I’ve done similar things and have had to remind myself that in the end who is going to remember or care if someone forgot the drinks or if a crust was burned. Doesn’t matter really. Keep the important things in focus — things like connections, love, positive energy. These are what matter.”
AND THEN
i made some lemon bars, partially cleaned off my desk, sat in the park and read my book, and answered some emails.
AND THEN
I read this email and just had to smile:
Meryl (day 7): I just rode the wave!!! I felt the “witching hour” hit me at around 5:30 pm today. I stopped and recognized that, yes, this is the witching hour. It is self limiting. I finished my work, came home at 6:00, and poured myself a drink. Soda water. My body was tense and I drank it quickly. I did not savor or enjoy it because I was too aggravated. I thought about going to bed because I felt an aching that I know too well. I thought, this really sucks, am I really going to go 100 days? No. I will never make it. Might as well get some wine! Start over again tomorrow. My back felt tense and I was squinting so hard my forehead hurt. I made some sleepy time tea, and drank it on the couch, trying to focus on how I would feel tomorrow if I gave in. I thought about how I would feel at 4:00 a.m. when I woke up feeling immense regret and dread. Then, all at once, at 7:50 p.m., I felt a wave wash over me and my back relaxed, my brows unfurrowed, and it is over!! I acknowledged what was happening to me with my new found vocabulary (your words) and perspective (your voice in my head), and I rode the wave! It was fun! I am laughing at you now, Wolfie. Go fuck yourself! I hope you are doing well Belle, wherever you are! I know you have been frustrated, but I hope it helps to hear of the miracles you are working for many, many others all around the world.
AND THEN
… and this is all Ben’s fault, I went online and ordered myself a fancy tea pot TREAT with a built-in infuser. I also tried to buy a good knife, but apparently amazon thinks that sending knives across country borders isn’t such a great idea … the bastards.
Team 100 Update: 210 members, welcome to Sunny Soberista 🙂 Happy days to Lilly (104), MG (x), Amy (252), Carrie (158), and Jen (200). Brandy and Irish Eileen are both on day 100 today!
Congrats to Brandy and Irish Eileen-what a super victory. Tastes so sweet-like a good glass of lemonade-one of my personal favorites this time of year.
Big congrats to both Brandy and Irish Eileen! Hooray for both of you!
Running is such good therapy…. But beware its highly addictive too 🙂
Looking for that kind of addiction;))
Day 100 sober and proud. Thanks Belle xxxx
Ahhhh the wave! I have, through you, come to recognise it, and guess what? IT GOES AWAY!
I feel like we should choreograph a “fuck you wolfie!” dance to ward him off- like a rain dance, but MORE AWESOME .
I’m so glad you had a beautiful day!! Thank you for sharing Meryl’s email…I can totally relate! The “wave”–what a perfect description! It is still surprising me when it passes! Day 17! Who knew?
-FacingMeNow (I should have kept typing, because I keep thinking…SoIDon’t HaveToLater)
The teapots totally worth it Belle lol. I’ve used it four times in two days so far ha ha. 🙂