Travelling puts me in different cities, this week i’ve been in the same city as one of the Team 100 members. So yesterday we went for ice cream 🙂 (thanks ST!).
At first it was a bit like internet dating for sober girls (i’ll be wearing jean shorts, you’ll be wearing black sandals). But soon it’s like two chicks sitting in the park, eating ice cream, talking about booze and how to create a life without it. I really enjoyed the visit and I learned a lot. This reaching out to sober people really helps me to continue to be sober. I just don’t think that talking to ‘a friend who understands’ is the same as talking to someone who has gone through (or is currently going through) the exact same fucking thing.
To cap off the delightful vacation day yesterday, a friend of Mr. Belle’s took us out for supper and then for ‘drinks’ … he knew we weren’t drinking and he took us to a very very loud, very popular pub, with a DJ and $4,50 for a tonic water. You know this kind of place. He wanted to show off how nice his drinking hole was (read that sentence again). And the evening was long. Holy, it was long. Our friend ordered a beer, no problem, i figured we’d be done in half an hour. But for his second round he ordered another pint of beer AND a double gin and tonic at the same time. While Mr. B and i sat without drinks (we’d had enough soda on the first round).
Long and loud and long and loud. That’s how i’d describe my 1.5 hrs in that bar.
One we got home, Mr. B admitted that being in a bar at all wasn’t a smart idea for him (he’s on day 87). I didn’t have any pangs at all, but he said that his friend’s drink “looked good” even though he knew he wasn’t going to drink. Note to self. That one visit to a bar in a year was plenty. The drunk girls singing Don’t Stop Believing were completely embarrassing. the bathroom was a disaster area, my feet stuck to the floor. And to quote Paul quoting others, “If you hang around a barber shop long enough, sooner or later you’re gonna get a haircut.”
No thanks. I’m happy at home with my tea and fresh cherries. Why couldn’t we have been sitting in the yard with Fuck You Wolfie lemonade having an actual conversation, instead of literally shouting to be heard, the conversation consisting of nouns and verbs alone, as the other complementary words were sucked up by the din of Journey and the DJ’s beat box and holy christ i’m never going there again.
Jealous! I am SO JEALOUS! 🙂 I love ice cream! And you! 🙂
Love this, Belle. Love it.
Well done Mr B day 87
This is hilarious. God, I can just hear those girls. I have an old drinking buddy in town, and we were talking about “the good old days” when we, as she likes to call it, checked our self-respect at the door with our coat. Haha. Aging out of bullshit “fun” is not at all bad! TOOT TOOT. (GOOD for your husband; I really admire him.)
Hi Belle, agree so much with all the sentiments in this post. When I was in SF I caught up with my aunt and uncle, both of who have been in recovery for thirty off years (that’s where they met). Amazing to just be able to talk to someone who gets it, it’s a shame I’ve got to cross the pacific to do it!
And clubbing? Attractive for people who can’t hold a conversation perhaps, but for the erudite soberphile a bit unappealing. Give me some background music and some great scenery and now we are talking a nice night out. Else a night in, cooking and lounging rates highly.
I see your husband has joined you (joined us?), that’s super on his part! Like I said my aunt and uncle are sober together, and it’s very reinforcing. Oops that’s a long comment but what the heck, take care, Paul.
yes, Mr. Belle is now sober 87 days, it’s a huge help and a big relief too. it means I always have sober support even at home…
It was such a pleasure to meet you Belle! Ice cream in the park and chatting with you was great – thank you! Sober chicks rock : ) Sorry to hear the rest of your day wasn’t much fun.
meeting you for ice cream was definitely the highlight of my day! in more ways than one : )
Awww….thanks Belle. Same for me! It’s so true what you said about how there’s a difference talking with a good friend and talking with someone who gets it and is actually going through it. I feel so privileged to have met you in person. You are such a kind person and what you are doing here in the sobersphere is helping so many people (yourself included) and is commendable. Indulge yourself in yummy ice cream and stay away from the watering holes and crappy chicken dinners 😉 ST xo
What IS the draw of places like that?! Even when I was younger and drinking with everyone else, I thought it was kind of a waste of time. Screaming nouns and verbs!!! Not how I like to catch up with old friends (anymore).
It DID bring back memories of moving to our new city/home about 30 years ago and how I consciously searched our new suburban neighborhood for our special “watering hole”. Just wouldn’t be home without one, right?! I am in awe that I SERIOUSLY thought we would hang out at some sleazy bar/tavern down the road and get to know the regulars and become “one with the community”. Like that was my goal to fitting in to this new city. oy vey.
Lol, one the “charms” of the small village I live in is the local pub. But it’s not at all charming if you’re sober! It’s just full of boring drunk people, particularly at night. And drink people… I’ve become a self righteous I guess.. Shit me to tears.
Just over a year ago I was changing jobs…it was something of a momentous change. I had 15 months sober at that time. A coworker whom I liked and had been in the trenches with for some time, asked me out for a drink on my last day – and at the end of that invitation, she indicated that a non-alcoholic drink would also be fine.
But for some reason that I find totally embarrassing to acknowledge, I wanted be able to go out to some grown-up bar, and have a regular old drink. Be cool with the cool kids, as it were. Neither of us really knew where to go, went to a place that had a good rep – but it was dark and noisy as bars are want to be. I had 1/2 a beer. I was so anxious about the setting that I was not able to connect the way that I wanted to – and it was just damned weird. A missed opportunity to actually hang out, because I did not want to…be different, I did not want to be a special case.
And, from that day to a week ago – I began drinking most days of the week, or every day of the week…something I had never done before…
Amazing to me.
So – to make the connection – yeah, what is it with socializing in a bar setting that …has such ritual importance? Not a rhetorical question…I’d love to hear any guesses. Perhaps I should read through the archives…