please don’t think that my life is rosy sunshine. i am sober, yes. there’s a checkmark in that one box.
i still have crappy family relationships, i still live far from my family (mostly on purpose). we are debt free but have no savings. we are happy and have friends. we are not rich. we don’t own a car. I am probably the only person i know who doesn’t own a cell phone. Yes, we’re lucky to live in europe.
Don’t be tempted to gaze into my sober life and think that mine is dreamy and that yours is dreary.
You have kids or a yard or a home. you have a dog or a beach or a savings account. you can play piano or sew or speak italian. you live near your best friend or you can grow your fingernails. you have straight hair or you have a tight butt.
i don’t have any of these things.
and really … it’s not about those things.
What i have is sunshine on the inside, even when it’s pouring rain (i know that sounds totally cheesy). I have relatively even moods. I have reassurance that i’m doing something hard (being sober) and that it’s a dramatic and vast improvement on where i was before.
and that’s it.
i have 6 talents, and so do you. i have a great husband, and maybe you do too, or you have a great sister or a great mother or a great gramma. i’ve paid for counselling in the past, maybe you have too. i’ve always relied on the help of others (mentors) to improve my life faster. i’m impatient. i try very very hard not to bumble around in the dark figuring things out for myself. If i need to ice a cake, i’m on youtube for 25 minutes, then i ice the cake, then i watch youtube some more, then the second iced cake is good enough.
before … when i consumed larger quantities of wine, I used to buy groceries and not make the meals. I used to have fridges full of dead or dying food. I knew myself well enough to know that i had to have dinner made before the first glass of wine, otherwise i would just abandon the meal part way. leave stuff on the stove. just give up.
and now, it’s so fun to see who we turn out to be once we take the booze away… i became an early morning baker (and i can ASSURE you this is not who i was when drinking). i routinely set my alarm for (fuckers) 6:30 am to bake. really. i promise you i am not an early morning person. but it turns out i like being a baker MORE than i like red wine.
yes, i’m married, i run, i have a husband and i make bread. i’m still the same fucked up chick i was before. Except now i’m sober. i’m slowly making improvements on the rest of my life. it’s like an amusement park, life. full of cool rides and things to do and places i want go and things i want to see. I don’t want to hide in a bottle anymore. i want to get shit done 🙂
i pick sober.