On day #12 of sobriety, i wrote that alcohol was a ‘place’ to go.
Now i realize that sobriety is a place, too. A completely different kind of place. Sobriety is like a vacation. It’s a special deluxe resort where you can have a break from obsessive thinking.
You know. Obsessive thinking. “Tired of Thinking About Drinking!” For me, it’s the wolfie voice that I heard loud and clear and continuously while i was still drinking: “Is there enough wine? did he drink more than me? how early is too early to start? should i have one more (of course the answer is always yes). I’m going to feel terrible tomorrow, oh fuck it let’s drink anyway. oh god, i should stop, oh god is there enough booze, someone should go and buy more. oh god i drank too much my life is a misery my can’t i just drink less and enjoy it why am i pouring it in with no signs of stopping.”
to contrast that delightful picture, sobriety is a Place To Go To Have A Break From That Shit. It’s place where there is relief from the noise. it’s weirdly calm and peaceful in sobriety. it’s like a vacation.
Cindy (day 6): “I have been working on not drinking since November 2011 (after 30 years). Since that time I have put together lots of pearls of sobriety. Some made up of 60 days and others 10 days. I have never relapsed, only had one day slips. I joined the 100 Day Challenge because I think it is time to put together a number of continuous days of sobriety. I don’t like the feeling of always being at risk of going back to drinking away my feelings. I think a stretch of continuous sobriety would ease that fear” [emphasis added].
Sobriety. A place to go where you can feel less afraid. A place to get away from fear. OK, sometimes in sobriety you feel shitty and have sucky days. you had sucky days while drinking, too. But in sobriety you don’t have to be afraid anymore. There are other cool people in the sober place, on the sober vacation. They are there with you, saying “yeah man, i was dying out there, glad i got here.” and you can be unsure and knock-kneed. you can think “my problem isn’t as bad as theirs, i don’t need to do this sobriety thing.”
But there’s no denying it. Sobriety is a resort vacation that is BETTER than advertised. You know those luxury 4 star all inclusive resorts that turn out to be dumps when you arrive? Well, sobriety is the opposite of that. It’s waaaay better than the photos, so much better in fact that it’s almost impossible to describe. You’ve got to come here to see it for yourself.
You might as well try it.
Leigh: Thanks! Think I’ll just go ahead & do it this time
me: might as well see what all the fuss is about 🙂
Leigh: Better be worth it or you’re in big trouble!
me: satisfaction guaranteed or double your money back. we should have a bet. a pool. put in money. if you stay sober you win. ok, we don’t need a pool. you win more than money by being sober 🙂 🙂
Leigh: Win more & save more money by being sober. After all, I’ve never woken up the next morning after drinking thinking “I’m glad I did that. Money well spent.” Looking forward to being a real quitter!
Team 100 Update: 40 people have signed up, welcome to Kat (194), Katie (6), and DDG (33) — our newest members. I’m on day 294, Lilly is on day 42, MG is 14, Sunflower is 29, thirteenpointone is 321, Whineless is 23. I’d love to have updates from TMcA and VP.