there’s no numbness in one glass of wine

My good god i have so much to share. so many fan-tabulous emails, comments, insights. Let’s start here.

In explaining why she wants to be sober now, KC (day 22 today) wrote to me that she’d been sober for a long time (5 years?) and then …

… This cool guy was asking me out for beers after work, and I did the club soda thing for a long time.  Then I figured that clearly I had no problem anymore, and it snowballed pretty quickly to where I would’ve been if I’d never stopped. It’s always been about the anaesthesia, the wrapping up in cotton wool. Pitiful little urchin looking for a liquid hug, someone to say it’s all going to be fine. Yeah yeah, got it.  So now it needs to be about facing life head-on, no more insulating away.

What I would do differently this time: remember I CANNOT DRINK.  I’m not afraid of it, like some AA messages seem to want me to be. I will not cower down in fear before it. I just can’t do it, it does not work at all, same as how I can’t eat this food I’m allergic to.  My only focus during drinking has ever been to get numb, so I will never be able to moderate. Drinking is for other people.  I’ve already drunk enough for 4-5 lifetimes anyway – already put waaaay too many miles on that chevy.

[underlined bits are my emphasis]

KC said i could share this because it’s so damn lovely. i’d never heard the expression ‘liquid hug’ before, but it’s perfect, isn’t it.  really really perfect.

also the idea that if you want to get numb, then moderation is never going to do the job.  there’s no numbness in one glass of wine, there’s only irritation that we can’t have more.

i love this.  I know that i need to learn this lesson over and over again.  and so i’m glad to be writing this today.  I see it now.  I see it more clearly now.  Thanks KC.  Moderation is never going to do the job.

Team 100 update: Lilly (Day 31), Carrie (30), VP (28),  Ellen /Whineless is traveling and she’s on day 12. Welcome to Erica and Kate, our two newest members. We are 29 members today. If you’d like to join the 100 day challenge, read more here … even if you already have a bunch of sober days, you can commit to doing 100 more.


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • reading everyone’s posts and replies and i am resonating like a finely tuned stradivarius violin. numb has always been the end result, even if the self talk starts out with ‘one will – take the edge off – make me feel better – be a reward – dull the pain – ease the insecurity – taste good – (insert anything, here). thanks to team 100. i’m on day 1. 🙂

  • Me, too. If it were possible to have ONE, then I would. I like the taste of a white russian or a strawberry daiquiri but then it’s the search is on for the next 200 drinks and who can find all that before bedtime !~! No, one is not a choice for me, so NONE is the answer and after all these years and living here where I have never drunk has made it easier. I did have some in the milieu where I was foolish and also where I quit but no m ore. It’s just who I am and there’s no question. I live in the enlightened SF Bay Area for those reasons.

    I am so PROUD of you with your 29-member-strong group and I cheer and encourage each of you to stay the course. It truly is a new way of life and a much happier one. I love you all for your strength.

  • I’ve had so many friends tell me to “just have one or two” that I’ve taken to saying, “See, that’s the thing, if I was the sort of person who could easily have just one or two then I wouldn’t need to quit drinking because it wouldn’t be a problem.”

  • This is exactly what I tell people when then say “well, why not just ONE?” Beause I don’t WANT just one. I want 100! I want to numb away my insecurities.. this is why I can NEVER drink again. Thanks for the post!

  • I keep waiting to hear the story of the alcoholic who gave it up for a long period and then was able to have one or two once in awhile, maybe when I find that story, I’ll consider drinking again. Nah…that would be like taking a chance of killing someone I’ve come to love. Me.