prunes, vacuums, and nature

thank god it’s all over, the holiday season. didn’t realize how exhausted and stressed i was, how near to drinking i probably was 3 or 4 times.  I didn’t seem to remember that it would take me a full 10 days of my 14 day vacation to truly unwind (i’m there now!). i’m glad the whole holiday/celebrating thing is finished, that new years eve is done, that my 6 month sober-versary has passed — and with it any ideas i had of ‘maybe i can drink now that it’s been 6 months’.  done with that kind of thinking. now i can go back to my regularly scheduled sober life.

and i feel pretty great. strangely empowered. better than i’ve felt in a long, long time.  I’m a girl who loves her vacations, that’s for sure.  i like working when i feel like it, sleeping, running, and frigging around in the kitchen.  i like planning for the new year without actually doing anything to advance my plans!  (I am a girl who loves a plan, but i might even like MAKING plans, and scheming new plans, more than i even like having the finished plan. I like the chart paper on the wall, i like the vomiting of ideas, deciding which ones to pursue, what to prune.)

What to prune.  This brings me to today’s a-ha moment.

i’ve been on autopilot for so many years, that now being 6 months sober is providing me with an unusually clear perspective and a quiet sense of determination.  Pruning.  I’m about to prune some of what i do in Job #2.  Eliminate a few services that are irritating and not worth it anymore.  what’s HILARIOUS is that i found a note from november 2011, where i identified that i wanted to prune Job #2.  And then i didn’t do any of it.  i kept drinking (January to June) and then beginning in July, all i could focus on was getting/staying sober.

Now that i’ve been squirted (splat!) out the other side, i had a look around was like “yeah, now’s the time. do some pruning.”

And as soon as i figured out the first thing to prune, a new idea came into my head to take its place, hopefully bigger and better, something i’ll love doing instead of something i feel obligated to do.  you know, that stupid fucking trite saying about ‘nature abhors a vacuum’ … well.

well that’s all i have to say about prunes, vacuums, and nature.

Here are my 2013 things i’d like to do (not resolutions).  I record them here so that i can torture congratulate myself later when i check them off one by one [sorry Amy if you’re seeing these more than once]:

• get 100% caught up on paperwork, filing, banking, accounting

• trim 3 things from my business #2 which isn’t doing very well

• add 3 new things (not yet imagined) to business #2 to see if it perks things up (i have one of them imagined already)

• build my passion job #3 thingy to a more steady and reliable stream of income

• I’d like to lose 15 pounds, then re-evaluate, and perhaps lose another 5 after that (this was a 2012 goal that I’m carrying forward; I’ve lost 7 of the original 15, but still have a bit to go)

• I’d like to eat my way down to the bottom of my freezer (this was also on my list for 2012, that I’m carrying forward)

• read 52 books in a year.  This year I read 40 34

• continue to run 3-5 times per week

• continue to be sober until July 1st which is my one year s0ber-versary. I can re-evaluate then, but I suspect I’ll remain sober.  it suits me.

• have one night away per month, with or without husband, for mini-vacations since we’re not able to afford real vacations this year.

• I’d like to be thin, with long hair, eyebrows done from the salon, nice nails, and have a good (real) tan.  then I’d like to go home in July to see my sisters… yes, even at age 46 the sibling rivalry continues … it can be pretty motivating. I’m trying to let this go.

• I’d like to be in bed by 10:30 most nights, and 9:30 pm at least one night per week.

In general, I’d like to experience the feeling of being ‘done’ with a bunch of loose ends.  I’m spread a bit thin, and I think the kindest gift I can give myself this year is to do fewer things better.

Happy New Year everyone 🙂