Here’s how i know that i don’t think about booze in a *regular* way.
I’ve been sober for 135 days (since July 1st). that seems like a long time, oui? Well every so often i have a fleeting momentary thought of having “a glass” of something … one single glass of wine or of champagne. I’ll have the thought, and then I say no (batting flies away is a great metaphor).
And i know i’ll continue to say no. Here’s why:
I was in a hotel this weekend, alone. No computer, i was having some scheduled vegetation time.
and in this crappy little hotel room, there was a mini bar.
and in that mini bar there was the following:
- one toblerone bar
- one kitkat bar
- one bottle of water
- two tiny cans of heineken
- two mini bottles of red wine
And here was my very quick thought process (yes, even 135 days sober):
“I can’t even really entertain the thought of having that wine … because there’s not enough.”
not enough for what? to feel terrible? to feel blotto? to fill the space? to make me sleep? to make me feel like a truck ran over my life (not just my head)?
so any ideas of one glass — which my wolf voice will periodically tease me with — are actually hilarious. one glass? hardly. cuz when confronted with two airplane bottles of red wine and two cans of beer, i knew in a flash that it wasn’t enough.
and so i will continue to have none. thanks just the same.