I’m feeling about 75% well today, so better than yesterday. Sickness, exhaustion, and overwhelm = not my finest moments. not the best combination. Mix that with the witching hour (7 pm to 9 pm). Last night was hard but not impossible. I’m glad I posted. Glad I put it out there that i was struggling. As soon as I press “publish” i know that i won’t drink. I expose the wolf for all the world to see, and then he shuts up. Thankfully.
But i have to accept, also, that this new hobby/passion is kicking my ass. and I am going to have to make some new rules starting right now. These things are more important to me than my passions, my work, or money:
- No matter how busy I get, I have to get enough sleep. For me that is a minimum of 8 hours, and best is 9.5 hours. That’s every night. If i am too busy to get enough sleep, then i’m too busy.
- No matter how busy i get, I have to be able to run. This is 4-5 times a week. I can only run if i’ve had enough sleep, and if there’s enough time between job 1, job 2 and passion job.
- This means that I’m probably going to have to scale back … I know the new passion job is taking wings, and getting ready to explode with popularity (someone featured my new gig on their blog yesterday, god help me). The big new contract that I spoke about before starts next week (yes, in addition to all this, it’s going to get busier)… While I love this new adventure, I’m not ready for it to take over my life.
If i’m being overworked by my passion, then I need to take a step back. if it’s not fun, and it starts to feel like work, then I’ve got to be careful. I don’t want to get burnt out on the one thing I really love doing.
I’m nearly 46 years old. Today is the day that I learn, once and for all, that I need enough sleep. It’s virtually impossible for me to stay sane, productive, running, and sober if i’m exhausted. I must remove exhaustion from the table. At all costs. Even if that means giving things up. Sleep and running are number one, because they LEAD to the other goals being possible.
If AA rules are don’t get too hungry, angry, lonely, tired…then mine are (expressed in the positive, cuz that’s the kind of chick i am):
YOU MUST GET ENOUGH …
- Healthy Food
- Rewards (like cake, tea, nail polish, fresh pineapple)
(i’m never lonely, and i’m usually only angry when exhausted, so i can remove those from my personal list)
I refuse to need to relearn these lessons any more. I’m old enough, i’ve lived long enough, and I know this already. I know that i need enough sleep. Stop fucking talking about it, and just do it. From now on.