“it is monstrously GOOD!”

yesterday turned out to be (nearly) one of the best days on record. maybe in my whole life.

the things i crave and try to structure so much into being, just fell gently into place yesterday. It was the perfect storm of factors:  enough sleep, good weather, long run, contented relaxation, alone time, a productively engaged husband, a good book, time in the park (with said book) watching kids and fountains, an evening meal made of random leftovers, many responses to a business email indicate lots of interest in my next class, no desire to drink, a hilarious Irish movie (The Guard) that made me cry with laughter.

And yes, ladies and gentlemen, this isn’t just your ordinary garden variety pink cloud.  Yesterday I also found a temporary answer to the vexing problem of european labor restrictions for foreigners…

After sitting in the sunny park for an hour in the afternoon, i was walking home, and a thought just popped into my head. i hadn’t been mulling it over, the idea just arrived fully formed when i was about 5 minutes from the apartment.

I will invoice this new work through my existing North American company, i will bill it as “consulting” or something equally generic, and i will generate legal and legitimate invoices for the new work through my N.A. company.

Rather than trying to avoid a paper trail, or avoiding signing a waiver, or trying to figure out how to do it under the table, i will just bring it all above board in a way that is a bit circuitous but is more ‘allowed’.  it will have some weirdness, like i’ll be paying taxes on this income in N.A., and i’ll be paid in euros and will have to figure out how to get that into my N.A. bank account in dollars without horrific fees every time, but those are technical issues and aren’t psychic issues. (i can probably just keep the checks for several months, then mail them to my bank at home, and ask my bank manager to deposit them for me.  I can probably cash the checks myself here and call it ‘wages’ or ‘rent’ or ‘office supplies’ or ‘staff development’.)

and once i realized that — wake up Belle, duh, you have a company already set up at home — and that i can just run this new work through that same company until i’m allowed to set up a company here (which is in January), then the physical feeling of relief was gigantic.  i really didn’t want to play fast and loose with the system, because i really really really will not accept having to leave here against my will.  some day we may decide we’re ready for a new adventure, but i don’t want to be forced to leave this new idyllic life because i fucked with their system.

And that my friends, may sound long and complicated, but for me it’s easier than just ‘taking my chances’.  I am more conservative here in new country, because i don’t want to go home.  and because of language issues i sometimes don’t really understand all the rules until i’ve broken them.  You have to renew your health care card every year? on the anniversary of when you entered the country? unless your husband lost his work permit after moving here, in which case you have to renew it on the anniversary of when he lost is job? really?

no.  no ranting.  all is well.

and to prove all of this worrying is entirely one-sided, my new employer posted to my new company’s Facebook page this morning about our meeting on Friday …

“While working late Friday night I pulled out your sample again – AMAZING!!! it is monstrously GOOD! thank you so much!”

thus begins monday, it will also be a good day. Day 72!


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Just catching up after having to been out of town unexpectedly. I am so thrilled that you found an answer that allows you to follow your passion and allows you to do it without risk. What a wonderful feeling. Even more special having done it without the haze of alcohol.

  • So so great. I’m having a mini pink cloud day myself. So so so so so so so so so so so so so glad to be sober, so so so so so so so amazed and thankful that I did it. So so so so so so so many reasons why it’s a better life choice, even though I’m uncomfortable sometimes when those tricky emotions come through (angry & sad Mrs D). Amazing illustration from you of how staying calm and sober through a tricky time is such a much better way of handling life. You resisted the urge to reach immediately for that release .. instead sat with the uncomfortable feelings of stress and worry and then … slowly worked it out and found a solution. YOU did that! YOU!! Yay you!!! xxxxxxxx

    • thanks for this. i knew i wasn’t going to drink. but i thought i was going to quit the job before i even started it. thanks for pointing out the heightened nervousness might be a sober thing. it’ll encourage me to ‘wait it out’ more now … and that can only be a good thing. Hugs from me.

  • good for you Belle. (That’s what I meant about “clearing out all the other stuff” and knowing inside what to do.)

    sounds like a phenomenal day, I’m so happy for you.

  • wonderful, wonderful when it all comes together. Relaxation, calmness and pop the answer is right there. Again example of how much MORE productive we can be when we stop working for a while. Sometimes all the busyness of life just gets in the way of calm rational but innovative thinking. You’re a star Belle!

  • So happy you found a solution and this lovely moment of peace. I cherish those quiet moments that bring solutions…often suddenly, almost unexpectedly, but always reliably if I don’t drink. Also interesting how all the things you mentioned that made your day perfect are hardly new. It is you who is new…it is sobriety and how you are growing and flourishing in it. Such a beautiful post and I am very happy for you.

  • It begs the question, if you had drank the day before or even the week before, would you have been able to enjoy those nice normal things as fully, would your muddled brain have spoke up with the resolution to your problem, would you have had the best day, possibly ever?

  • Right on for you, what a great way to solve vexing problems without resorting to evading rules and gaming the system. You are the best, Belle.