Need to take a nap in the middle of the day and afraid you won’t fall asleep quickly enough? Drink.

was just reading this lovely newly sober post, and I wrote a comment and I wanted to share part of it here.

i know that empty ‘hole’ feeling you keep trying to pour stuff into. except most people can’t articulate it as well as you have.

I am particularly struck by your comment of gulping before bed. I used to do that, too. And now – 46 days later – i look back and think “what the hell WAS that? you’d already had 4 glasses of wine, and yet you took some to bed to drink JUST before turning off the lights … why? to feel a buzz? you’re going to be asleep. To guarantee that you will sleep? sheesh i think the first 4 glasses and the fact that it’s 1 am would do that just fine.”

It’s like a switch gets turned on, and we keep drinking till we fall down (literally or figuratively).

not drinking might be a struggle some days but it HAS to be better than living like that … who wants to go THERE again and feel so desperately empty … [blech].

Before I read Jason Vale & Allen Carr, i never had any idea that perhaps the booze itself was creating the ‘hole’ feeling.  i never considered that the alcohol was making me feel empty. i just thought some part of me was broken and that i was trying to fix it with booze.

what a bunch of bullshit.

we are ALL broken in our own small (or large ways). that doesn’t mean that adding poison will be helpful : ) I know, i know, that seems like a “duh” moment now, doesn’t it. I can assure you that while i was drinking, booze seemed like the ONLY solution to ALL problems.

Lonely? Drink.

Irritated? Drink.

Stressed? Drink.

Need to take a nap in the middle of the day and afraid you won’t fall asleep quickly enough? Drink.

Vacation? Drink earlier.

Feel wickedly hung over? well, a small drink does wonders to make you suddenly feel “much better”.

Holy shit, batman.

i’m glad for today and I’m glad that i’m moving into a new part of my sober time, because it’s all seeming a LOT clearer now. And when my 3-year old whining brain periodically says “yes i know all that but I WAAAANNNT it anyway,” i am now better equipped to say to the 3-year old,

It doesn’t matter if you want it.  it’s not good for you. booze is a bottomless pit of emptiness that can’t be filled. get over it. find something else to do.

<le sigh>

[ps if you haven’t read the Allen Carr book, Easy Way to Control Alcohol, then i recommend it.  Yes, it’s basically the Jason Vale book rehashed. Yes, it’s the same ideas in virtually the same order with almost the same examples.  BUT it’s very well written, has some different examples, and uses a Pitcher Plant analogy of sliding to the bottom that is very helpful. If, like me, you were a tiny bit sad when you finished reading the Vale book, because you were riding high and then were sad that the book was over … well, you’ll be pleased to pick up this second book. I’m reading it more slowly, I don’t want it to be over! I like being tucked into their world (Vale’s and Carr’s). In their world, booze is poison, and we are MUCH better off without it … when i hang out with them, i believe this to be the truth and i’m thankful.]


I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • this is so true.

    I also realized something really, really cool and unbelievable new aspect in my life:
    Since years I was keeping myself awake because I was so used to drink after work and staying awake until a certain time that I have 7 hours of sleep. So I drank and hanged around, tired, unproductive.
    That sleeping 2 hours earlier makes me an agile morning person who get’s awake freshed and even in sporty moods!

  • Could you resend me your blogs,belle. I tried to resubmit robe but it says I already have been sent them. Lost them when my computer got a virus. Thx

    • ^exactly Me. Alcohol always set some internal 3AM alarm clock, ugh!

      I’ll check out the Carr book, thanks Belle. Another nice post!

  • I love this post. So many things hit home for me. I do remember drinking my last gulp before going to bed and saying to myself …really…like what the fuck? ….I’m alone here…not socializing….why am I doing this? My alcoholic mind and body did it!
    Didn’t really understand for a long time but I guess it’s that guy that sat on my shoulders for all these years…saying “why not? you’ll sleep better. you know you want it.”

    Love ya Belle!

    You are my rock!

    Day friggen 30!! (31-1). Lol

    I feel great!
    Went to me neighbour’s campfire last night. Was offered wine, beer butterscotch ripple, tequila… Boy I could smell the alcohol but it really grossed me out. I watchedmy neighbors slur their words and it really grossed me out!

    I love being sober and hangover free!

  • Relate totally to everything you say, as I mostly do! Craig Becks book “Alcohol lied to me” also great and in similar vein. I particularly enjoyed it as he was a wine drinker (as I was) and refers to this particular form of the poison a lot. Only problem was I got the kindle version and it was littered with the most appalling grammatical and other errors which was a pain in the ass. i assume the hard version might be better.
    PS Hope Jason Vale living the high (sober) life on the back of all the book sales he has got recently from this little club. He deserves it!

  • After I finished vale I was passionate about the badness of alcohol. But I wasn’t able to convert a Sod no matter how much evangelical zeal I applied. Carr I think mentions that this conversion of the drinker just isn’t possible , and advises against trying. There are a few other points of difference in the books but taken together they form a really strong basis for sobriety.

    I recall the last minute rush for booze, be it closing time or going home time. Must not miss out on anything, live for the moment. In hindsight I realize that “it was life, Paul, but not as we know it” (with apologies to dr Spock).