try singing

this vacation thing, it’s kind of boring. I’m on vacation for a month but my husband is still working; we’re not going away anywhere exciting until Labor Day weekend (first weekend in September). most days i try to putter, relax, read, sit in the sun, go out somewhere, run, make dinner, and vegetate.

yesterday afternoon, one of our neighbors was having a very loud phone conversation, with her head and body hanging out her living room window. the sound of her voice got under my skin very quickly. my husband saw me and said “she’s been doing this for 4 years.”  Yes, i know, but i was irritated by her. yesterday she was making me bat-shit.  for no good reason.  i wanted her to shut up.

i went into the kitchen to make dinner and it was a complete mess.  I actually said out loud: “my outsides match my insides, i don’t feel good, I don’t know how to feel better … maybe I need loud music.”

and without missing a beat, husband unplugs the headphones from his laptop (where he’s been working), and super very loud Metallica hard rock music blares out of his computer speakers.

I start to laugh, hilariously, crying laughing. “Maybe i need loud music.”

No darling, I meant loud music that I like : ) … roadtrip music, where I can sing along at full volume in the kitchen while doing the dishes.  I will never, really, never in my life, ever need to listen to Metallica at full volume!

But laughing, really laughing, broke the irritated spell. I did put on my playlist entitled “songs to sing”, and i sang in the kitchen, doing dishes.  Husband plugged his headphones back in, surrounded by *his* music.  I had my music. Some of it made me homesick, some of it made me dance around the kitchen. And after 4 or 5 songs i felt much better.

Note to self:  if running doesn’t clear your head, try singing.  drinking is never the answer.  there’s always another tool in the tool box. That the first tool fails to solve the problem does NOT mean that the problem is unsolveable.  Reach for a different tool… try singing.



I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • Great reminder to do something different when life gets uncomfortable.

    I had a very stressful encounter with someone last night, and in the past, this encounter would have drove me to drink. Before (finding Belle), I didn’t know what to do with this discomfort, so I drank.

    But, I’ve been building up my toolbox these past 37 days, and instead of drinking I:
    -called and ordered take out pizza instead of cooking dinner (avoid overwhelm)
    -drove with my husband and kid to the lake, and ate our pizza by the water (change of scenery – didn’t want to be at home)
    -brought some club soda (fizzy water) to have with my pizza (replacement drink)
    -listened to music very loudly as we drove to and from the lake (singing!)

    I was amazed and excited to realize that my toolbox was full of so many useful tools to help me deal with this discomfort. I didn’t just use one tool, I used at least 4, and it helped me immensely. The tools work, and repetition helps seal the deal when the shit hits the fan.

    Thanks, Belle:)

  • I have a tune which is my secret weapon for moody moments, I crank it up and sing like 80’s disco star . . . dance around the kitchen, boogie at the traffic lights, speed up the treadmill til I can hardly stay on . . . what is that tune?

    some are sicker than others I guess 🙂

  • That’s one thing I’ve stopped doing for some reason…playing music. The tv is always on and when it’s not, I think I fell into enjoying the silence, but now it’s silent too often in contrast. I’m going to turn it on right now!

  • I’d rather have a calm, boring, quiet vacation than a drunk, stressed, hectic, loud one now. Last year I thought differently…but as we become sober, don’t we realize that it’s so much better. We get things done that need to be done, we save a lot of money, we stay healthy, we are grateful and serene for the beautiful things in our lives.

    Happy sober vacation Belle! You deserve it!


  • The quote in my wordpress today was: ” I loved words. I love to sing them and speak them and even now, I must admit, I have fallen into the joy of writing them.”
    You’re singing words, dancing to words, and writing words. And you teach us with your words.
    Love your reminder, too, to dig around for another tool when the first one doesn’t work or fit the situation. It can be so easy to fall into old patterns (for me) so i’ll be sure to be mindful of that.
    Your vacation time sounds lovely. So jealous you have sun! 🙂