the postcard ‘ideal’ life

Last night, husband and i sitting at opposite ends of the couch, my feet wrapped around his legs. It’s 10 pm and we’re both … wait for it … reading. I’m reading jason vale’s book, and he’s (finally) reading the second stieg larssson book. The big floor-to-ceiling windows are open because it’s summer and a warm evening.

The last time we sat together on a friday night on the couch reading?


Maybe you had this experience as a kid, because maybe you had a completely fucked up childhood too.  did you ever have the experience of trick-or-treating, or of driving by other people’s homes, and just getting the tiniest, thinnest glimpse inside, and instantly have a deep feeling of jealousy? i’d see a bit of someone’s living room, it looked tidy, nice couch, dim lighting, someone sitting in a chair reading … and i’d want them to adopt me. I want to live here, I’d think.

Or as an adult, driving through a neighborhood, brief glances into living room windows, i’d feel terribly jealous that i don’t live there.  or there.  or there.  They’re all having such nice lives in there, I’d imagine. I wish i could go to bed and wake up in THAT life.

well last night, maybe for the first time in my entire life, i was having one of those moments that i used to feel jealous about.

i crawled right into the postcard ‘ideal’ life that i’ve been pining for.  quiet people, together, having shared quiet time, in a clean home – no yelling, no cigarette smoke, no clutter, no chaos, no alcohol, no screaming. Nice yellow light, couple on the couch together. Reading.





I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

  • I just love this post! I know the feelings you described… that deep longing that also gives you the warm and fuzzies. And I am now experiencing those same feelings and loving and cherishing them to the max! 💜

  • As I read all the comments I feel scared. This is a picture perfect life. Going through a separation right now at 41 and I still have hope that I can find someone to be with that will make me laugh and smile and read with me. Sober on day 18 is extremely tough for me I want this picture in my life one day

    • dear jen, i’m sorry if my picture seems scary. perhaps i’m gloating a little and i should be more real. I kissed a lot of frogs before i met my prince. i was only had shitty relationships with men my entire life until i met my husband, and i was old when i met him! There are different versions of picture perfect lives. Mine is happening now, i think, because i’m sober and i feel better than i have in a long time. Day 18 may be tough, but Day 19 is better… Hugs from the cyberworld.

  • Lovely, what a warm picture you painted. I finally feel like I want and can handle a calm and peaceful relationship and I hope that, by taking care of myself and my big issue, it might come my way. It seems like many blogosphere relationships are improving as the non-drinking days go up.

  • How lovely and cosy and wonderful. And if my own life was not feeling quite lovely too at the moment – I might look in on you and envy you too! Similar stuff in our house except instead of reading I have a couch Olympian on the other end. And how wonderful it is that you can stop in the moment and really appreciate what you have. Hope the weekend continues in the same peaceful way. Cleo xx

    • thanks cleo. i might envy the view into your living room window, too, as we don’t have a TV … and it’s only during the olympics when i really miss it! but i’m also in a foreign country so watching the olympics in another language, while they focus on the WRONG teams, isn’t quite the same either. well, anyway, here’s to peaceful weekends, no matter how they come!

  • I can identify, we used to drive in the more wealthy neighborhoods and in the evenings with the lights on you could see into those big windows and yes we wished we lived there………Way to enjoy the moment and have the clarity to recognize it!
    Today is my first day of not drinking. I’m going for a week long vacation to the cabin where it isn’t my habit, with friends coming, in hopes that it will make it easier. Pink Lemonade and Cranberry and 7up are packed……

    • Hey there Anonymous … the big windows, the wanting to be ‘taken away from our real lives’ … isn’t that the truth. Congrats on Day 1, you’ve started : ) Now we can cheer you on for real. Make up a fake name for yourself, so that we can tell you from the other anonymous lurkers. Cuz you’re no longer a lurker, you’re here doing it for real. Day 1 is super great. I hope you feel proud. (I’m going to call you Window Watcher if you don’t name yourself!)

  • Twenty-five years ago, my husband and I were just beginning our relationship, lying with heads near each other on a corner couch unit. He reached over to take my hand and said, “I like reading with you.” Hmmm, I thought, this one’s a keeper for sure and by golly, here we are… only now each has our own desk and computer and we read it all on the web. Together. Every day. All day here in retirement. It’s the best.

  • Lovely, you’ve got your picture perfect life. It’s so grown up! Dan and i giggled the other night, sitting in bed with our glasses on, both sober and reading. So grown up.
    Your childhood sounds hard. As a kid, i had what you yearned for, yet i always wanted to spend time at friends’ houses whose parents were the complete opposite of mine. I wanted to be around the ‘cool’ parents who smoked and drank and laughed and were loud. The quiet control of our neat ordered household did my head in. Yet now that’s what i crave. Thanks for making me think about that.

    I picture your life in my head a little like a postcard. Beautiful sunny vista with French architecture, coffee and little balcony. A country scene. I love that you’ve created exactly what you want. Enjoy : )

    • ha, i wish our life looked like your postcard. we’re in a decidedly urban center. there is coffee. there is no balcony. but there are floor-to-ceiling windows we can open that help bring the outside in. and let’s write more about childhoods later, shall we?

      • Haha i know, way for me to go the whole france stereotype. Floor to ceiling windows are good!

        I’ve written a bit about my childhood in an earlier blog post. I might explore it a bit more if i can come up with something…